Sunday, November 7, 2010

My story

Today is orphan Sunday, a day to remember the 147 million, and to ask what should I do about it?  There are many roles that one can play in caring for the orphans in this world, the one that I am most familiar with right now is adoption.  But really, what can I say about adoption that hasn't been said before, not much I'm afraid.  What I can share with you is my story, my story of how I got here, it was a lot easier than you might think.

I didn't see this coming, this life I'm living now.  As a child it never occurred to me that children could join a family any other way than growing in their mommy's belly.  The older I got the more I learned about the world and all it's suffering and I remember how much I wanted to help make the world a little bit better, but I didn't know how to go about it and I wasn't brave enough to do much more than think about big issues, like poverty, AIDS, and orphans.  I didn't know that God had told me in His word that it was my job to care about these issues enough to act and even if I did I probably would have ignored Him all the same.

When Kyle and I decided that we wanted to start a family I had been ready for a while, so when it didn't happen right away I quickly began to wonder if maybe something was wrong.  I forced Kyle to think about it and to tell me what we were going to do if for some reason we never ended up pregnant.  For Kyle it was simple, if that happens we'll adopt.  For me that seemed like a consolation prize and a scary one at that.  Eventually I came to a place where I decided I could adopt, I didn't really want to, but I would do it if God asked me to.  Soon though I could forget those thoughts as I became pregnant with our daughter.

When it came time to make to add baby #2, Kyle was adamant that we adopt, his simple argument was this, if we don't do it now we may never do it.  I knew he was right and could see us meaning to adopt "someday" but then after giving birth to two or three children, being too tired to add another one, and part of me thought that would be just fine.  I was scared and very unsure about it all, but finally decided that this was God leading me through Kyle, so I jumped in, trusting He wouldn't let me drown.

It wasn't until I was all the way in, wet all the way up to my ears, that I began to feel about adoption the way I feel today.  In my life adoption wasn't a life long passion, a message spoken to me through a burning bush, or the only window left open in a row of closed doors.  It was just something that I stumbled upon, and chose to say yes.  I signed one piece of paper, then another, and another.

And now here I am.  A mama to not only Kylynn, but to Jack and Chloe.  Sometimes I let myself go there, to consider, what if I had said no.  I would have missed this, this raising of my son, the way he laughs, the ten times a day he tells me, "i love you mommy" and "mommy you pretty."  I would have been the old me, the one who hadn't been stretched and molded into this woman, I would have been missing a passion and a realization that I have a purpose on this earth.

That is my story.  It is not made for TV movie worthy, but I hope it speaks to someone out there that is hearing that whisper and is wondering if God could really be asking them to adopt, even though they're scared, even though they could give birth to children, even though it's never really been something they wanted to do.  I hope it encourages you that there are costs involved in adoption, but the pay off is greater than you ever dreamed possible.


Jon and Shelly said...

I love this Jenny! I love how you're helping others know about adoption - even if you didn't write a thing, just by living your life :).

Elizabeth@Romans8:15 said...

I love your story--it is very similar to mine! Thanks for sharing!