Tuesday, December 7, 2010
How to make Christmas cookies
Step 1: Realize that all the days dishes are blocking the counter you plan on using, do the dishes. Don't forget to listen to your daughter whine that you're supposed to be making cookies, while doing dishes.
Step 2: Hear that your son is up from his nap and you need to go get him before making cookies. To appease daughter show her how to place a small amount of sprinkles in each of the 5 bowls, explain clearly that you put just one type of sprinkles in each bowl, also explain three times how little you need in each bowl.
Step 3: Come downstairs with son to find this, in. all. five. bowls. Notice that all your sprinkles that should have lasted you a good three years are now gone. Breathe in. Pray. Talk to daughter about disobeying. Decide that Christmas cookies don't have to be perfect and move on.
Step 4: Decide that before you make the cookies you should wash son's blanket, after all he'll be having fun making cookies and shouldn't mind at all. Start washing machine. Comfort hysterical child, when that doesn't work bribe him with food.
Step 5: Read ingredients and directions, realize you are missing one ingredient and call hubby to pick up on way home from work. After all it is now 5pm and you are yet to start actually making the cookies. To appease rightly frustrated daughter, bribe her with food.
Step 6: Get missing ingredient from hubby and actually start mixing some cookies. Since it is now so late you will need to get dinner going at the same time. Place meat on the stove to cook.
Step 7: Take daughter's picture with cookie cutters in hand, even though this recipe doesn't call for cookie cutters, because daughter feels the need to accessorize in pictures. Roll cookies into balls, and allow daughter to roll in sprinkles, continue to cook dinner while daughter takes forever rolling in sprinkles. Place beans and corn on the stove top to cook.
Step 8: Place cookies on baking sheet covered with parchment paper, and flatten with the bottom of a glass, try a few glasses till you find one that actually flattens. Allow daughter to lick the spoon, then stop her when you catch her eating the bowls of sprinkles with a spoon. Throw away all but one bowl of sprinkles that did not get slobber on it, make a mental note to buy more sprinkles before next Christmas.
Step 9: Take cookies out of the oven, set on stove top next to meat, corn, and beans that are cooking on a gas stove. Call husband when you turn around and see that the parchment paper is on fire, when husband thinks it's no big deal and goes up stairs, yell for him more franticly till he comes down and saves the day. Make a mental note not to place cookie sheets with parchment paper on the stove top while the burners are on.
Step 10: Clean the ashes off of the cookies. Scoop the ashes out of the corn. Move the cookie sheet and turn back on all the burners so dinner can finish up. Give up on ever having a clean kitchen again.
Step 11: Serve cookies for dessert after dinner is served at 7:30 that night.
Step 12: Have a glass of wine before you have to tackle cleaning that war zone that once was a kitchen.