I slept in till almost 9 and then decided to get up, not really sure what I should do next. I got dressed, wandered around the house a little, checked my email, read some blogs, and thought now what?
I realized I'm really bad and me time. When the kids are here there is always lots to do, so I don't have a hard time being productive, there is something about being busy that makes you get even more things done. But with a whole morning stretched before me I just felt bored and wanted them to come home. I wasn't able to envision me do anything fun that didn't involve them.
I decided to try and enjoy it, so I went to starbucks, came home and did a lesson out of the bible study
I'm doing right now, and then settled down to pay some bills and try and plan our vacation.
I'm doing right now, and then settled down to pay some bills and try and plan our vacation.Really the highlight of my morning was when Kyle called to say that they'd had a great time boating and were off to run several errands, I could hear the kids in the background and their excitement made me excited for them, it also made me wish I was with them and not stuck at home.
I'm not sure when it happened, when I stopped being Jenny, and started being Kylynn's mommy, Jack's mommy, and Kyle's wife, but it appears to have gotten a little out of hand. These are all great roles to play, important roles, life's calling kind of roles, but they cannot be the only role I play or I will not be living out the life God has called me to, of that I am certain.
I am to be His daughter, Jenny, first. I am to make time for my Father God my top priority. I am to have a life that ministers to more people around me than just my family. I am to do something worthwhile outside of these four walls I call home. I used to get that and now I've realized I've gotten off track.
Someday I will no longer be the mommy and maybe not even a wife, certainly in eternity these will no longer be names given to me, but I will be responsible for how I lived my life. God has something more for me while I'm here on this earth and I pray that I will listen to what it is, that I will obey, and not tell Him, no I'm sorry but I'm really too busy right now being a mommy and wife.
It took a little me time to realize, that if I am not careful, I will forget who I am, I will make my family my God and my service to them my religion and I will be wholly unsatisfied.
Lord, remind how you see me, the talents you gave me to serve You, what part of the body I am to play. Cause me to turn my focus outward and use me for Your glory.
4 comments:
You know, I think that losing touch with yourself is probably the most common thing to happen to stay at home moms. When your life revolves around your home and family, it's very easy to stop being you and to only be "Kyle's wife" or "Kylynn and Jack's mom." I know that in my case, for a long time, all of the people who I hung out with as friends were the kids' friends' moms, so nothing in my life was not child or family centered. I think that's why I loved working part time (and part of why I now love school), because it gave me something that I was good at that was totally separate from the kids.
Learning how to have balance in your life is a major life lesson--you need time for yourself (and all of the things that are important to you as an individual). time for your children, time for you marriage (and I know that there have to be other things too, but these are the areas that I have identified). Self care is a huge part of emotional health, and it really is true that you can't take good care of anyone else if you don't take good care of yourself first. I know that small children (and their constant needs) can be so totally consuming that you can't imagine how you would ever find the time for yourself, but sometimes you just have to make yourself the priority and say no to other things--it's ok to be selfish every so often--it will make you a better person and a better mother (not to mention it will make you happier).
Thanks Nilam, you sure are a smart lady. The funny thing is now I find I even have the time...I just need to do something with it.
I think God creates us with a hunger to live a significant life and that is what I'm craving right now, a well rounded life that is significant in many ways not just in the ways I serve my family.
I appreciate the encouragement.
love, JC
"Someday I will not longer be...maybe not even a wife..." cos I'll die at some point? There's nothing else going on, right?. ;)
Yes love, b/c statistically men die before women. You know as long as it is within my say I want to be right next to you for every moment possible.
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