I slept in till almost 9 and then decided to get up, not really sure what I should do next. I got dressed, wandered around the house a little, checked my email, read some blogs, and thought now what?
I realized I'm really bad and me time. When the kids are here there is always lots to do, so I don't have a hard time being productive, there is something about being busy that makes you get even more things done. But with a whole morning stretched before me I just felt bored and wanted them to come home. I wasn't able to envision me do anything fun that didn't involve them.
I decided to try and enjoy it, so I went to starbucks, came home and did a lesson out of the bible study I'm doing right now, and then settled down to pay some bills and try and plan our vacation.
Really the highlight of my morning was when Kyle called to say that they'd had a great time boating and were off to run several errands, I could hear the kids in the background and their excitement made me excited for them, it also made me wish I was with them and not stuck at home.
I'm not sure when it happened, when I stopped being Jenny, and started being Kylynn's mommy, Jack's mommy, and Kyle's wife, but it appears to have gotten a little out of hand. These are all great roles to play, important roles, life's calling kind of roles, but they cannot be the only role I play or I will not be living out the life God has called me to, of that I am certain.
I am to be His daughter, Jenny, first. I am to make time for my Father God my top priority. I am to have a life that ministers to more people around me than just my family. I am to do something worthwhile outside of these four walls I call home. I used to get that and now I've realized I've gotten off track.
Someday I will no longer be the mommy and maybe not even a wife, certainly in eternity these will no longer be names given to me, but I will be responsible for how I lived my life. God has something more for me while I'm here on this earth and I pray that I will listen to what it is, that I will obey, and not tell Him, no I'm sorry but I'm really too busy right now being a mommy and wife.
It took a little me time to realize, that if I am not careful, I will forget who I am, I will make my family my God and my service to them my religion and I will be wholly unsatisfied.
Lord, remind how you see me, the talents you gave me to serve You, what part of the body I am to play. Cause me to turn my focus outward and use me for Your glory.