Wednesday, July 7, 2010

8 simple steps to remove hot pink nail polish

Step by step instructions for cleaning up a bottle of hot pink nail polish which has broken all over your kitchen floor and oven, after being shaken about by a four year old girl.

1. Pick up Kylynn and remove her from the scene of the crime, she has no shoes on and you do not want her to get glass in her feet, more importantly you do not want to her to hear the words that are screaming in your head. Make a mental note that cleaning this up is not going to help your migraine.
2. Go to grab a work towel, on the way there take time to pray that God would have mercy on your beautiful tile floor and stainless steel oven, that you've only got to enjoy for one year and you know your husband would not pay to replace for another 30+ years.
3. Begin to wipe up the polish with the towel, clinch jaw when you realize that it is not just going to wipe up. Yell at your kids who are fighting over the couch that could easily fit ten of them. Go upstairs and grab some nail polish remover.
4. Begin using the nail polish remover on a new work towel, praise God when you realize it appears to be working. Send Kylynn to her room because they can't stop fighting and she is the one who will listen when being sent to her room, when she challenges the fairness of the situation, yell at her, "I'm cleaning up your mess, so I really don't care who was doing what I can't listen to you fighting anymore, go to your room!"
5. Begin the very long process of scrubbing up the hot pink polish that is on the floor and oven, while trying to ignore your headache, make a mental note to change Jack's diaper after your done with this. Hear Kylynn disobey you and come back downstairs, tell her in your meanest mommy voice to go back to her room and wait there for her spanking.
6. Spend 30 minutes scrubbing up the polish, it will take extra work to get it off the oven and the grout. Keep looking everywhere, because the tiny specks will never seem to end because when a bottle breaks open on a tile floor it flies Every. Where.
7. Put towel number one in a plastic bag and throw it all away. Put towel number two in the load of work towels that you washed yesterday and forgot to dry, re-wash load.
8. Tell Kylynn she is never allowed to touch another nail polish bottle, For The Rest Of Her Life!

1 comment:

Kyle said...

"in your meanest mommy voice..." great! I'm amazed it all came out, especially from the grout.