Thursday, January 13, 2011

Come

I thought of Peter and how you told him to "Come" and he did, his feet landing firmly on the water.  What must he have felt in that moment, faith, of course, but wasn't there fear too.  For this act of walking on water required him to give himself over fully to you.  And before he was aware of what was happening, the fear won, he turned his focus to self, took his eyes off of you, and began to sink.  I remembered how you said, "you of little faith, why did you doubt?" and it occurs to me, how small is the faith I hold if Peter's was little.  For Peter at least had a moment when his faith was so big that he walked on water.

And you beckon me to come, to walk on the water you have laid before me, and I remind you that I am no Peter.  I am sure that I will sink, my eyes turned inward, the fear is all I have space for.  You call to me again, reassuring me that my part is little, you will do the hard work, my only part is to keep my eyes on you.

So I stand up and I try to muster my courage, I look at you and I lift my foot to step, but my faith is so small, and I can't.  I ask you, to please, please just pick me up and put me on the water.  You remind me of the way You love, you cannot remove my freedom without removing your love, gently you tell me you will always hold my hand, but the step is mine to take.

Maybe I could live on this shore forever I decide.  So I sit down, close my eyes tight, and plug up my ears.  But I find no way to quiet the Spirit, He speaks from within, Spirit to soul, soul to heart, and I feel you tell me, "come."  I don't even know what's out there, I cry, if you could just show me exactly where I'm going then I could do this, but to step into the unknown is too hard.  "I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to give you a hope and a future."  My voice rises, a toddler throwing a fit, but I want to see them, before I take my step I need to know where I'm walking!  "That's why I gave you the gift of faith, you tell me, the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

The waves crash around and I wonder why you couldn't have asked me to step out onto a calm stream, why does it always have to be so hard.  You remind me that when I am weak, is when I am truly strong, it is then the world looks in and sees not me, but a strong and mighty God.

I breathe in deep and place my eyes on you, I fill my mind with Your truth, I turn my heart towards Your understanding, and I step.  My foot lands firmly and I smile, You didn't let me fall!  And though I'm soon to sink, soon to turn my eyes back to self and all the fear that lies within, in that moment I understand why you said to Peter, "Come."



3 comments:

thewonderfulhappens said...

Beautiful!

emily wierenga said...

You call to me again, reassuring me that my part is little, you will do the hard work, my only part is to keep my eyes on you.

oh jenny... this whole piece is exquisitely written. so beautiful. (when i clicked on your link, it took me to an old imperfect post of yours, so i've updated it now--that's probably why others have been unable to find this one, but i hope they will now, because it's so beautiful and deserves to be read) so much love to you, friend.

alittlebitograce said...

oh this was beautiful and just what i needed. i have been acting like a toddler, wanting to know God's plans before i can have faith. thank you for your words touched me deeply.