Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The great debate

We've been in "discussion" mode around here for the past month or so. Do we want another child? And if so, how should we bring that child into our family?

It became quickly apparent, that yes we want another child, although we both said yes with a sigh that says, "I know I want another child, but I have no idea why. I mean I'm so tired and these kids we love them but they sure can drive us crazy. And if we have another we'll have to do it all over again." But actually, that's the thing, even with all the lost sleep, the crazy days, the work, we want to do it all over again, couldn't not, do it all over again.

So the debate turned rather quickly to the how. How do we want to go about adding another child to our family. Do we try and get pregnant or do we adopt? It is, to say the least, a strange spot to be in. At one point, I looked at Kyle and said, I feel like we're trying to decide which child we love more, he knew exactly what I meant, and you just can't pick between the two loves of your life.

Adoption and giving birth, they are both miracles that is for sure, but if you read this blog often you know that it was adoption that God imprinted on my heart as the most amazing miracle in my life. On the other hand, I really loved being pregnant (ok, maybe I didn't I can't remember that well it's been 4 years, but my mind has at least re-created that experience to say that I loved it). And having a newborn baby and all that goes along with it was wonderful (again, perhaps it was not but I remember it as wonderful). And part of me will be sad if I am to never again go down that path again.

So that's where we are. I will keep you posted as I think we both know what we really want, we've just got to take that next step and say yes, this is it, this is what we're going to do.

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