Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Breaking Point

Jack is sick, again. We have had over a month of straight sicknesses in this house one after another after another after another. When Kylynn finally got over what I guess was the flu Sunday evening I was ecstatic, surely we were done with sickness, not counting Jack's never ending earache. But I was wrong, God has some patience He would like to teach me and I had yet to learn it. Monday morning Jack woke up with a fever, cough, and green snot all over his face, he now had the flu from his sissy.

My poor baby boy has had a rough week, a rough month. He now has his still going strong earache, the flu, and some mysterious rash covering a good portion of his little body. Unfortunately Jackie is like his mommy, when he's upset about his situation in life he wants you to know about and know about it I do.

Yesterday, he was exhausted from being up half the night and so, of course, fell asleep in the car when we went to pick up Kylynn from school. By the time we got everybody back in the car he was ready to play, that 5 minute nap suited him just fine. We got home and he immediately ran to his new train table Daddy made him. Of course it was nap time so I made him go upstairs and that is when the screaming began, he slept maybe 30 minutes and screamed the rest of nap time. Jack has this cry, I can't really explain it, you just have to hear it but let's say, it's very hard to ignore, it makes your blood pressure go up, you have a sense that you must make him feel better instantly. This cry/scream continued for another hour after I got him up from his "nap."

That's when I put him in his crib to calm down and called Kyle. My instincts told me more than anything he was mad not in pain, especially considering all the drugs we have him on, and since I needed a break so that I didn't end of screaming too, to the crib it was. I called Kyle and tried to sound calm telling him I didn't know what to do, he told me to take him outside and that he'd pray for me (of course praying, duh, what a genius idea, why didn't I think of that!).

So I went and got him and he was amazingly more calm for having spent time in his crib, got him dressed and took him outside. This was not an instant cure but sure enough after about 20 minutes outside he seemed to improve and at least stopped crying. For the rest of the afternoon I walked on eggshells around him, afraid that any little thing would set him off again, the boy has a temper.

Then I heard it, my knight in shining armor was home. And the weight of the day suddenly came crashing down on me, I started to cry, and with each tear I felt a little bit of tension disappear. Kyle took the kids for an hour and I laid on the couch and read a magazine and managed to come down some from my perch of stress I had been on all day.

Today has been a better day, relatively speaking, and I know it's only a matter of time before Jack is well and we're back to a sense of normalcy. Reflecting back on my day, I see God's hand, how He only let me get right up to my breaking point, not all the way there. I'm trying to remember that God loves Jack immeasurably more than I do and He will take care of healing His child. I find myself repeating, "in this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world." -John 16:33b

"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope." -Romans 5:3-4


Nilam said...

Oh, Jenny, I'm so sorry that it's been so hard and stressful. I know that it's been hard for you seeing Jack sick so much, every trial makes us stronger people. Just imagine how strong of a man Jack will be. And in those moments when you hear that blood curdling scream and you think you are going to start screaming right along with him--taking five minutes while he is in his bed (screaming) in your room with the door shut, headphones and your favorite music playing loud enough to drown out the screaming always worked wonders for me. It relaxed me enough to be able to deal with the screaming. Just know, this stage will pass. I'll keep you and Jack in my prayers, too.

Jenny said...

Thanks so much Nilam. I'll tell you it's amazing what a difference a day makes!