I have a confession to make. I have never known what I wanted to do when I grow up. When I was a little girl I would answer, "teacher", because that is what my mom did. I had absolutely no desire to be a teacher and can tell you as an adult I would have made a horrible one...something about not liking children, I think.
After getting a degree in Sociology I became a social worker, because by that time the one thing I was sure of was that I wanted to save the world. I quickly learned that I am not good at saving the world, or at least abused children, I did not have the stomach for it. I would resign to save the world in my free time and find something that required less than 60 hours a week.
After that I had two jobs, both could be summed up as administrative positions, one I disliked, one was the best job I've ever had, I would have done it for free. But even it was not what one would call a passion.
I left my highly loved job for another highly loved job (that does in fact require I do it for free) being a mom. It is during this time of my life, when at the end of the day I realize that I am both exhausted and losing touch with me, that I daydream about what it is "I want to be when I grow up?"
You might wonder why it matters because I am in fact 1)Grown up already, and 2)lacking the time and energy to be, well anything else. But, for me, if I cannot find something I am passionate about I will have nothing to pass on to my children. After all I desire that they will be passionate people, passionately loving God and others, passionately working hard at the profession God has for them, passionately loving their children and their mate. Practice what I preach so to speak.
So about a year ago I asked Kyle, "Do you think it would be worth while for me to start a blog about adoption and our journey". Somewhere in the very back of my mind were stored up like little treasures the teachers and professors who had told me that I had some talent when it comes to writing. I had forgotten about it, but it resurfaced as I toyed with the idea of starting a blog.
Of course Kyle loved the idea and after months of stalling I began this blog. And I found what it was I was searching for, what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be a writer. I'm not sure when it is that I will actually grow up and chase the dream down. But every time I read a beautiful piece in Good Housekeeping, a wonderfully written memoir, or even a great blog, my spirit lunges forward and says, I have to do that, I have to learn how to write well enough to do it as a real life profession. Even if it's a real life profession where I make hardly any money, I just have to give it a shot.
So give it a shot I will. And when day after day I run out of time due to doctors appointments, diapers, and baths I will have this as my reminder. There is nothing wrong with not achieving your dreams, but if you never even try, well that is by definition a life without passion.