I finally slept last night, I slept good, I'm talking deep, deep sleep, where all the dreams I remember had nothing to do about Chloe, adoption, flying, or Korea, it was a welcome relief.
Ever since I got that call on Wednesday I've been walking around in a fog, a fog of distraction, a fog of to-dos and a fog of fear. I feel like this time around I know what I'm getting myself into and while it's something I love getting into, I know that there is a road before me filled with some very uncomfortable moments.
Many of those moments will occur within a few days time, telling our daughter's foster mother goodbye, watching Chloe grieve and begin to adjust, flying home on a long flight with a 1 year old, who has known us for about 2 days.
My hope is that I can somehow let go of my fear, to allow God to handle the big and the little going on right now. To enjoy this process, after all I am going on a kid free trip with my husband, something that hasn't happened in a very long time. To try and figure out how (I never can) to live in the moment, this one the one I'm in right now. To not miss my kids yet, because they're right next to me, to not be scared of flying yet because I'm not on an airplane, to not worry about meeting Chloe yet because that's days down the road.
God is always using my life circumstances to remind me that I cannot do this on my own, but I can do this with His help, if I let Him lead me and lean on His strength, I've got this.