I have a mantra, one that changes everyday but stays the same, today it is, "it has only been 4 days." I say that again and again reminding myself that this is not the permanent condition of our family.
Don't get me wrong, we're surviving and overall we're doing pretty good, all things considered, it's just hard. And everyday that passes where I can't seem to figure out how to get her to sleep the whinier and more frustrated I become.
Sleep is a big deal for me, I could never be a doctor or my husband for that matter, I follow the recommended guidelines and feel like I need a good night's sleep. The kids taking naps (or having a quiet time in Kylynn's case) are an even bigger deal for me, Kyle is gone when we get up and not home again till 5:30 or later, it's all me around here for a huge stretch of time, and I need that break to keep sane.
Chloe is very similar to Jack in that she doesn't possess the ability to self soothe, she cannot seem to fall asleep on her own, so I rock her to sleep, which is fine, but as soon as I stand up to lay her down, she wakes up, so we do this back and forth for hours all day and all night long, and it's making me a little crazy. But it's only been 4 days (remember) so it seems wrong to let her cry (right?) and I feel like I'm affecting our bond, so I let her cry for a little bit then I go back in, till I'm so exhausted that I lay her down and go to sleep, too tired to know how long she cries before falling asleep. I have to wake her up in the mornings because of this and we begin the whole process all over again.
Jack is having a hard time, it is showing itself in him not wanting to leave my side, I had to drag him to school yesterday, and he was hysterical, so I cancelled speech today to spend time with him, but really I spent all my time rocking Chloe, so the pattern continues.
People are bringing us meals for the first month, which is the best thing that has ever happened to me, because if I had to find a way to cook right now, I would just lay down on the floor in a ball and cry.
I went to the post office and target last night at 8pm, it was wonderful and beautiful. I bought things not on my list even though we just spent all our money in Korea, but the fact that I now have two table cloths to switch between, makes my life a little bit easier and the red pillows will go great with the ones I plan to make in all my spare time.... :)
Chloe has caught her first American bug, and has a fever, that doesn't help the sleeping probably. She is eating really good though, but needs some more teeth before she can get down most of the foods she prefers.
It is beautiful and cool and sunny outside today, I putting that new baby girl of mine, whom I adore, even if she never sleeps, into the carrier and we're going to the park darn it, on my way there I will pray for God to send fairies to clean my house, and just remember all the ways I am blessed.