Today I got a call from one of the case workers at our agency. I knew that it was impossible to have a child assigned so quickly, but still it made my heart speed up when she said who was calling. It turns out, she was just checking in to see if there are any questions. I was quite delighted to be called even for a check in, it reminded me, I am a real person who will someday be given a real child, this is not a dream or something I have created in my head.
She was able to give me the "not good" news that unfortunately the wait times (to be assigned a child) are going back up and up some more. Of course this wait time is in constant flux so it means nothing regarding when are assignment will come, still hearing they're getting longer makes me a little sad.
I'm actually pretty good at the waiting, something about raising a two year old has given me patience I didn't know was possible :). But the older Kylynn gets the harder it is, you see she has this love (obsession really) of babies. Every time I watch her run over to a baby and gently talk to it, give them their dropped paci, or touch their little fingers, I feel I'm failing her. She wants a baby, she wants to be the big sister (she loves bossing :) and while I watch her I know that won't be happening for probably another year. I can only pray that when the time comes that I bring her home a little brother/sister she hasn't lost that excitement and will take great pride in being the big sister.
But when I'm still as God has asked us to do, He tells me, "Trust me, I am in control of when you will have your baby. The waiting is important for all of you, it is part of the process of becoming more like Me". So I try to busy myself less and take time to be still and know He is God and not ignore the process even when it hurts, but to dive in and trust Him that this process is for His and my ultimate good.
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