Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Running the race

Did I tell y'all I started running a few (5 to be exact) weeks ago.  Did I tell y'all that I am no runner, no seriously I mean I have never ran more than a quarter mile, in school when they would make us run, I would walk and take the loss of points, because I was certain that if I ran I would die.  After all, everytime I tried to run even a little bit I felt like I was going to die.

And yet I've always had this dream of being a runner, it's the cheapest form of exercise out there, just put on your shoes and your good to go, no special equipment, no special place needed.  So when a friend of mine said that she was doing the couch to 5k program with a friend, I invited myself along.

And here's the part where I brag and I don't like to brag, but it's essential to the story, without it I'm just a girl who can't run who dreamed of running.  So here it comes, this program, this couch to 5k program, it really works y'all.  I ran 20 minutes straight a week ago, and 25 minutes straight this last Saturday, and get this: I didn't die.

There are a few hitches.  Hitch #1: I have gained weight since beginning this program, apparently running makes me hungry and I am not eating the way I should be.  Hitch #2: I can't always finish the running assignment for that day, like this morning I was supposed to run 25 minutes again, and I made to 15 before realizing that it just wasn't in me today.

But you know what, it's okay.  You realize on the days you fail, that you always have next time to try again, and by golly I, who used to hyperventilate just thinking about running a 100 yards, ran 25 minutes, so try again I will!  Most of the time it still seems like I'm making this whole running thing up (after all I do run early in the morning before the sun come up, it could be a dream).  But on the days I run, it's very real, I finish the workout and I think to myself, you did it, you just did that.  And suddenly a confidence that I either lost a long time ago or I may have never possessed is with me and it feels so good.  Good enough to not care about the 5 pounds or the days when I can't quite make it.

I see myself in a new light these days, like maybe I am strong enough for whatever this life has for me.  Sometimes when I feel anxious about something, I remind myself that I can run for over 20 minutes and for whatever reason it helps, it reminds me that my mind is lying to me, that actually I am strong enough.

Running is a great analogy for life, for the Christian walk, for the adoption process even.  I commit myself to the goal set before me, and pursue it, and when I fall down, I get up and start again.  And though it is hard and sometimes painful, there is waiting at the end great reward.

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