Kylynn

There are times in the morning, when I get up early enough to catch her fresh out of bed, that I can see it, just for a moment.  Or when she drinks from a sippy cup, her blue eyes look rounder, her cheeks chunkier, and I remember.  She once was a baby, is still my baby, but never again will she be mine the way she was then.

Yesterday, she asked me how old she was when she came home to me, adoption is all she knows, she wondered did she come home at 6 months, 9 months, when.  And it made me happy her world view, she is and will be passionate about her God, she is and will be passionate about adoption.  And sometimes I'm sure that  no one is listening to anything I have to say or caring at all about the millions and how our God said, take care of them, but then I see that she is, she's listening and she's watching and she cares.

I pray big things for her, not specific things, just that she will do better than I have.  That she will let God mark her path from the begining and will follow no matter where He might lead.  One day as I prayed for her, I had a vision of her as adult being His hands and His feet and I wondered, what it might be.

But for now she is four and four is so much bigger than it sounds, it's old enough to say, Mommy, you know, I know that santa and the tooth fairy are not really real.  It's big enough to dream and to pray, "in your heavenly name" something she learned along the way.

And soon, I won't be able to find her baby face, she will just be Kylynn,  a girl, then a woman, with her passions and dreams and goals.  And I will not be sad, I will be expectant and hopeful, I will wonder who she will become and I will pray that in the end, when she's no longer mine (she was never mine) she will want me still.