Friday, February 17, 2012

Googling symptoms (bad), reading (good), and my friend Pandora

* I've been reading an amazing book lately called, Parenting your Internationally adopted child by Patty Cogen, it's really relevant to my children and frankly I should have read it before Jack came home and be re-reading it now to refresh, live and learn.  Anyways, it's making me see some of my children's behavior in completely different ways.  The other day Chloe threw a fit when I gave her lunch and no matter what I offered, something different to eat, to get down, keep eating, she was hysterical.  The words in the book kept coming back to me and I felt so defeated that I couldn't comfort her or anticipate her needs, I stated to fear we haven't made as much progress as I had thought.  And then she threw up all over me and was happy again.  I've never been so happy to be thrown up on :).
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*I listen to my Pandora station every night while I cook dinner, throw in a glass of wine and it almost makes cooking while three children scream/beg for food/hit each other over the head worth it.  But it helps, that's for sure.  I've had this station for a few years and it's really on the ball with playing music I like.  But the other night, they played some song that I didn't like so I hit the "thumbs down" button and was sure the next one would be one I had already approved, but no it was another song that I didn't like and instead of hitting the "thumbs down" button I just left it alone.  It occurred to me later, that I have begun to think of Pandora as someone with feelings and I just couldn't stand to hurt her (his?) feelings by disliking two of it's songs in a row.  Perhaps I need to get out more.

*In other news of being an overly anxious mommy, yesterday Chloe had purple lips in the morning after we got home from running some errands.  I started to decide it was no big deal, then thought well I might as well google it (always a bad decision).  It told me some possibilities and to look at her finger tips and tongue.  Her fingertips were fine but her tongue and mouth was also purple!  I decided that it was officially she is not getting enough oxygen and maybe there is something wrong with her heart and was just about to make an appointment when I noticed that her teeth were purple too.  That seemed odd, I mean I don't think our teeth need oxygen, then I remembered, she had spent the last hour drinking purple juice!  And I now remind you and myself that one should never google any symptom ever again.

*I found this food blog and even though I wasn't hungry, every single recipe made me start to drool.   People following my on pinterest are going to hate me, I pinned about 15 of her recipes in 10 minutes.  You should totally check out, Mama Loves Food, I'm making her baked potato soup (crock pot) recipe as we speak!!  Plus she has a recipe for cinnamon roll cookies, I know right!

*Jack told me the other day, "mommy your my best friend."  And that pretty much made my month.

*I just finished book two in the Hunger Games series and so far, I'm enjoying them, don't get me wrong but I've just not been swept away by them the way people say.  Lost on the other hand is consuming me I'm half way through the last season and I can't decide if I want to not sleep and stay up all night watching them or watch one episode per month so that it will last longer.  I am so sad that it's almost over.

*Did I ever tell you we got our issue with the IRS resolved, we did!!  I got our check a week ago, we're getting some new windows in our old house because currently our windows aren't doing much more than plastic tarp when it comes to being energy efficient.  This is one of the ways to tell that you are old, when buying windows for your home is an exciting purchase and one you put before buying new cell phones.

*And for the grandparents because I love you and I know you love her, here's a video of Chloe being cute, singing me a song from her book.  PS- I'm not sure why I end the video by saying, "goodbye I love you," like I'm getting off the phone with Chloe, I'm just not all here these days and it's my kids' fault.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Love that Sticks

It was in the days leading up to Jack's cleft palate surgery, he had just turned one, and I was overwhelmed, terrified, and physically ill because of my anxiety.  I have a strong fear of doctor appointments, hospitals, blood, basically everything that had or would consume the weeks leading up to and following his surgery.

I was on my way to an appointment with the plastic surgeon and I was crying and couldn't seem to get a grip, I prayed some pitiful prayer, "help, I can't do this, and I think I'm freaking out."  My immediate answer, the voice on the radio began to sing to me, "why are you striving these days.  Why are you trying to earn grace.  Why are you crying.  Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away."*  I felt God place His hands on my face, my chin raised and I could see something besides my own fear.  He calmed me as He spoke to my heart through the words of a song, my shoulders relaxed and my heart stopped hurting.

"Why are you looking for love.  Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough.  To where will you go child, tell me where will you run.  To where will you run."*  Why had I (why do I always) try to carry around my burdens, when He was always waiting for me to hand them over.  Why is it that I so easily forget that His grace is enough.

"And I'll be by your side, where ever you fall.  In the dead of night, whenever you call.  And please don't fight these hands that are holding you.  My hands are holding you."*  I had spent the past months thrashing about in these safe arms longing to just hold me, calm me,  and whisper how much I am loved.  I had chosen independence over dependence on Him and it had made me sick.

"Look at these hands and my side, they swallowed the grave on that night, when I drank the world's sin.  So I could carry you in and give you life, I want to give you life."*  Life, He longs to give me life, life in abundance.  He is already victorious over death over the storms of this life.  He's got this under control,  and He will take care of me, of Jack, of everything.

I wiped the tears away and walked into that waiting room like a new person.  Jack had his surgery a week later and Kyle and I spent the hours in the waiting area saturated with peace.  I had finally allowed Him control, I had finally cast my cares upon Him, I had tasted and known that the Lord is good, and it changed my life.

I love the radio station, KSBJ for many reasons, but mainly because when life is causing me to freak out again, God is able to use this station, their music and their DJs to help me to re-focus on him.  Right now they are doing the "Love that Sticks" campaign for Valentine's day and I knew that I had to take part.  God reminded me how He can speak through a song, a quote, a note, without the author every knowing they're being used, to calm someone, to heal a heart, to bring long sought peace.

So I spent the morning putting up sticky notes in the buildings we visited, the hospital and Target.  And I felt part spy/part Jesus freak :), and 100% joyful!  If you have anywhere to go today or tomorrow I encourage you to participate, just take a post-it note write an encouraging message or scripture on it and include on the bottom: ""  Stick it wherever you feel led, who knows what God could use your note to accomplish in someone's life.

Love That Sticks Listener Testimonies from 89.3 KSBJ on Vimeo.

*all quotes are from "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

What Kylynn has taught me about fashion (take II)

One of life's many surprises when it comes raising children is watching Kylynn develop her love for fashion.  Let's just say that I unconsciously only buy solid color clothes and often will buy a shirt I like in three or four colors, I am boring when it comes to my fashion choices and Kyle well he wears your typical business atire, everyday.  So Kylynn, mainly influenced by her own creativity and perhaps inherited some genes from her aunt Jessie, breathes new life into me when I see her come down in the morning for school.

By pure will she convinced me to allow her to dress herself around two and a half and has been going strong ever since.  Her style is all her own and let's just say I take notice when she has a day where she wears a matching outfit, it's few and far between.  But even though sometimes I falter for a moment and think, really you are going to embarrass me, I love her style.  I love that she dresses for her alone and it has never occurred to her to try and fit into someone else's mold.

This is what I've been learning from her lately, I spend entirely too much time worrying about what other people think about me.  There are outfits I love myself in that I always end up changing out of before I leave the house because I'm worried that I'm not really "cool enough" to pull it off (and I'm not but who cares!) or that I feel like I shouldn't wear because they're for skinny people.  But she has taught me that people look beautiful when they love what they're wearing that people who feel beautiful are beautiful.

She reminds me daily that our fashion choices are a way to express who we are, and when did I decide that who I am is someone safe, and plain, and easily forgotten.  Kylynn's outfits grab people's attention. But then they get to know her and stay captivated by who she is, kind and loving, happy and funny, smart and independent.  She knows who she is, and she loves who she is.  I want to be like that more often, I want to dress like that more often.  Maybe I should start letting her pick out my clothes....