Monday, February 13, 2012
Love that Sticks
It was in the days leading up to Jack's cleft palate surgery, he had just turned one, and I was overwhelmed, terrified, and physically ill because of my anxiety. I have a strong fear of doctor appointments, hospitals, blood, basically everything that had or would consume the weeks leading up to and following his surgery.
I was on my way to an appointment with the plastic surgeon and I was crying and couldn't seem to get a grip, I prayed some pitiful prayer, "help, I can't do this, and I think I'm freaking out." My immediate answer, the voice on the radio began to sing to me, "why are you striving these days. Why are you trying to earn grace. Why are you crying. Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away."* I felt God place His hands on my face, my chin raised and I could see something besides my own fear. He calmed me as He spoke to my heart through the words of a song, my shoulders relaxed and my heart stopped hurting.
"Why are you looking for love. Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough. To where will you go child, tell me where will you run. To where will you run."* Why had I (why do I always) try to carry around my burdens, when He was always waiting for me to hand them over. Why is it that I so easily forget that His grace is enough.
"And I'll be by your side, where ever you fall. In the dead of night, whenever you call. And please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you."* I had spent the past months thrashing about in these safe arms longing to just hold me, calm me, and whisper how much I am loved. I had chosen independence over dependence on Him and it had made me sick.
"Look at these hands and my side, they swallowed the grave on that night, when I drank the world's sin. So I could carry you in and give you life, I want to give you life."* Life, He longs to give me life, life in abundance. He is already victorious over death over the storms of this life. He's got this under control, and He will take care of me, of Jack, of everything.
I wiped the tears away and walked into that waiting room like a new person. Jack had his surgery a week later and Kyle and I spent the hours in the waiting area saturated with peace. I had finally allowed Him control, I had finally cast my cares upon Him, I had tasted and known that the Lord is good, and it changed my life.
I love the radio station, KSBJ for many reasons, but mainly because when life is causing me to freak out again, God is able to use this station, their music and their DJs to help me to re-focus on him. Right now they are doing the "Love that Sticks" campaign for Valentine's day and I knew that I had to take part. God reminded me how He can speak through a song, a quote, a note, without the author every knowing they're being used, to calm someone, to heal a heart, to bring long sought peace.
So I spent the morning putting up sticky notes in the buildings we visited, the hospital and Target. And I felt part spy/part Jesus freak :), and 100% joyful! If you have anywhere to go today or tomorrow I encourage you to participate, just take a post-it note write an encouraging message or scripture on it and include on the bottom: "lovethatsticks.com" Stick it wherever you feel led, who knows what God could use your note to accomplish in someone's life.
Love That Sticks Listener Testimonies from 89.3 KSBJ on Vimeo.
*all quotes are from "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North