I got a phone call this morning that stopped me in my tracks. Four of our friends are moving away to Austin, two of the families are friends that have become part of my family, people who have made this journey I'm walking along smoother, brighter.
Kylynn is old enough to understand what is going on by over hearing a conversation, something that I am not fully aware of most of the time. So immediately after I hung up she asked who was moving to Austin, I looked at her, told her, and watched it break her heart.
Five year olds spend lots of time whining, being dramatic, and even fake crying to stack the cards in their favor. This time the tears were genuine and deep, as she curled up into my lap to cry, all my walls around my heart broke down and I felt her pain, which was my pain, and cried along with her.
She cried for a while, talked about how she felt, asked some questions. And then it hit her, she would draw her friend a picture, a big picture. Just like that she had moved forward, she was still sad but as they say life must go on, and so it would. She would take her grief and do something with it, having faith that things will be a little better tomorrow, and the next day, and so on.
So I followed her lead, I cleaned the kitchen while I prayed, and after a while I realized I was praying for the wrong person (namely me) and not the friends who actually needed some prayers right now. I prayed for them and all that needs to happen for their move, for their pain and sorrow and having to leave their homes, friends, and families. Soon I felt better, hopeful, seeing the picture much clearer.
I couldn't help but think how this is the first of many broken hearts for my little girl. This one will not even register on the scale when she looks back at her life. That it all starts now, the age where friends will not want to play with her, and it will hurt. Where words will cause pain. A life lead outside of me, where I will not be able to protect her all the time, where I will not always be able to heal her pain. I pray that she will never lose that quality of hers, the one that feels pain when it's there, but doesn't allow sorrow to overtake her, instead moves forward, choosing to put her energy into creating beauty.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Did you miss me?
We got back late last night from our summer vacation. I know I didn't really tell you I was gone, though I hinted at it, no matter how silly the thought that someone would find my blog and then decide to rob us while we're out of town, I figure it's better safe than sorry.
I'll post more details and pictures soon, but it was a great vacation. Nine days of Kyle getting up with the kids, very little cleaning, and very little cooking. Nine days of highs in the 80's and lows in the 60's, windows open, and a breath taking view of the mountains.
Every time we go visit Ruidoso, NM we talk about moving there, it's that kind of place.
Today I've been unpacking, opening mail, making grocery lists, and I took a big ol' nap, vacations wear me out. Realizing summer is soon coming to a close, finding the time to be a patient for some young doctors, and enjoying the sound of giggles from children so glad to be home.
I'll post more details and pictures soon, but it was a great vacation. Nine days of Kyle getting up with the kids, very little cleaning, and very little cooking. Nine days of highs in the 80's and lows in the 60's, windows open, and a breath taking view of the mountains.
Every time we go visit Ruidoso, NM we talk about moving there, it's that kind of place.
Today I've been unpacking, opening mail, making grocery lists, and I took a big ol' nap, vacations wear me out. Realizing summer is soon coming to a close, finding the time to be a patient for some young doctors, and enjoying the sound of giggles from children so glad to be home.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Library Day
In the heat of Texas summers the library is a haven for both me and my children. I love our library located in downtown, where the children's section is big and secluded and they have almost as many toys as books. We take back our bag full of books and leave with so many books and movies, I have to kick Jack out of the stroller in favor of the book bag. The kiddos love the treat of each getting to pick out a movie all by themselves, and so we are often found watching Christmas movies in July (Jack's favorite choice) or The Sleeping Beauty ballet (Kylynn's choice).
When we get home the kids cannot wait to look through their stash of books, I spend my time picking out as many for them as they do. They dump the bag out and begin to look through one and then another, not knowing how to read they are each consumed quickly, greedily. Kylynn's latest fascination is books on CDs, we spend a long time looking through the choices, finding some suitable to her age, and we actually find several. She will ask on this day alone, "is it rest time yet?" She longs to go to her room turn on her audio book, then sit in her bed, surrounded by piles on books, to get to spend a whole hour enjoying each one.
The library is no longer about me, although admittedly I enjoy just being there. I cannot find the strength or parenting skills to browse books with three children in tote. But thanks to the internet I am still able to leave with a stack in hand. I request the books and movies I want before hand and they are waiting for me when I check out. And on library day I long for the kid's rest time just a little more than the other days, to curl up on my bed and get lost in a book. To reclaim those feeling of joy from my childhood, the anticipation of falling into a new world, the excitement of finding new people to love.
Monday, July 11, 2011
My rules for preparing for vacation
We have a big road trip coming up this month. In case you have one of your own coming up I thought I'd pass along my rules for getting ready for vacation. How about you, do you have any rules to add?
1. After finishing your last load of pre-vacation laundry, do not wear a single piece of clothing you like until vacation begins. All possible clothes you like must be saved for when deciding what to pack.
2. This means it's time to bust out your ugliest sweat pants, because 1) you won't be packing those and 2) you must wait till the last day before vacation to shave your legs.
3. Since you will be seeing family, it's time to paint your toe nails and finger nails, this way they'll never know that in your real life you look like a slob most of the time.
4. Buy all new toiletries to take with you and while you're at it buy something random that you would normally not buy and totally don't need as a treat for pre-vacation prep.
5. Make lists, approximately 17 of them, scatter them all over the house, lose them, re-start them until you are sure you are losing your mind. In the end pack up every item in your house that you, your husband, or your children have used in the past six months, that should cover it.
6. Go to the library, check out enough books to read over a 9 month period, and bring them all, you never know when you might not like one of them and need to change books. Also for variety bring magazines and the child raising books you're reading. Tell yourself that you'll have tons of time to read, so this is necessary.
7. Dream about your vacation and begin to get excited. This is important: make sure to dream about your vacation as if you do not have a 1, 3, and 5 year old who have a long road trip ahead of them, not to mention will require the same amount of attention everyday of vacation that regularly makes you so tired you feel like you cannot get off the couch in the evenings.
8. Unpack the suitcase that Kylynn packed for herself, re-pack with appropriate clothes and shoes that aren't ballet shoes.
9. Try to finish your packing and realize that half of it will have to wait until your way out the door, because it is needed for eating/sleeping/living. Because these are the most important things for your trip put sticky notes around the house saying, DO NOT FORGET: blankies, fans, cups, medicine, booster chairs....
10. Make brownies, from scratch, because if you are going to spend two days in the car with your loud/whining children you will NEED brownies to survive.
11. Eat up all the food in your house, avoid grocery shopping it would all just go bad while you're gone, avoid eating out because you're about to do a lot of that. When you run out of food the day before you are to leave, open the fridge and stare, repeat as many times as necessary. When you become famished eat the brownies that you made for the trip.
12. Give up on ever packing while your children are awake, decide instead to return to daydreams of child-free vacations. I hear that the anticipation of vacation can be as gratifying as the vacation itself, and lets face it with small children the anticipation is much better than the reality.
1. After finishing your last load of pre-vacation laundry, do not wear a single piece of clothing you like until vacation begins. All possible clothes you like must be saved for when deciding what to pack.
2. This means it's time to bust out your ugliest sweat pants, because 1) you won't be packing those and 2) you must wait till the last day before vacation to shave your legs.
3. Since you will be seeing family, it's time to paint your toe nails and finger nails, this way they'll never know that in your real life you look like a slob most of the time.
4. Buy all new toiletries to take with you and while you're at it buy something random that you would normally not buy and totally don't need as a treat for pre-vacation prep.
5. Make lists, approximately 17 of them, scatter them all over the house, lose them, re-start them until you are sure you are losing your mind. In the end pack up every item in your house that you, your husband, or your children have used in the past six months, that should cover it.
6. Go to the library, check out enough books to read over a 9 month period, and bring them all, you never know when you might not like one of them and need to change books. Also for variety bring magazines and the child raising books you're reading. Tell yourself that you'll have tons of time to read, so this is necessary.
7. Dream about your vacation and begin to get excited. This is important: make sure to dream about your vacation as if you do not have a 1, 3, and 5 year old who have a long road trip ahead of them, not to mention will require the same amount of attention everyday of vacation that regularly makes you so tired you feel like you cannot get off the couch in the evenings.
8. Unpack the suitcase that Kylynn packed for herself, re-pack with appropriate clothes and shoes that aren't ballet shoes.
9. Try to finish your packing and realize that half of it will have to wait until your way out the door, because it is needed for eating/sleeping/living. Because these are the most important things for your trip put sticky notes around the house saying, DO NOT FORGET: blankies, fans, cups, medicine, booster chairs....
10. Make brownies, from scratch, because if you are going to spend two days in the car with your loud/whining children you will NEED brownies to survive.
11. Eat up all the food in your house, avoid grocery shopping it would all just go bad while you're gone, avoid eating out because you're about to do a lot of that. When you run out of food the day before you are to leave, open the fridge and stare, repeat as many times as necessary. When you become famished eat the brownies that you made for the trip.
12. Give up on ever packing while your children are awake, decide instead to return to daydreams of child-free vacations. I hear that the anticipation of vacation can be as gratifying as the vacation itself, and lets face it with small children the anticipation is much better than the reality.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Whatnot Wednesday
* Whatnot Wednesday has made me a lazy blogger, I love the style of getting to post randomness about my life and not trying to think of complete, nice sounding sentences. It's perfect for this time of my life when I cannot remember which child is which, often forget the most basic words, and have the energy of a 70 year old.
* If you are in that same place in life you can post your own Whatnot Wednesdays just click on the button at the bottom of this post and grab a button to put on yours and link up. If you hate that I barely blog anymore unless it's a Whatnot Wednesday post, you can also click over and blame Elizabeth :).
*Speaking of Elizabeth she gave me a shout out on her blog today, as I read her post it had just begun to pretend rain outside, and Ray LaMontagane had begun to play on my pandora radio, it was a perfect moment and it turned my whole day around.
*My day was not entirely good up until that point. Chloe's had a very high fever and I didn't get much sleep last night.
*Today Kylynn told Jack, "when I'm older like, 6, 7, 9, or 21 I'm going to be able to do lots of cartwheels." Good job covering those bases on what exactly "older" means, dear.
*I've begun watching Lost, and I'm in love, like in love like I was with the Twilight series, ok actually it's not that bad. But I'm enjoying it so much. Unfortunately I had to take it back to the library today and I'm not done yet. I'm going to have to buy me some on amazon, they've got some copies for very cheap. Oh how I love amazon.
*Speaking of Amazon, I signed up for AmazonMom and it is awesome, I'll tell y'all more about it soon, but anyways I went to look up an order today and it said I had 10 orders in the past 30 days. They give you Amazon Prime for free when you sign up for AmazonMom and let's just say I've been taking advantage of it, big time!
* If you are in that same place in life you can post your own Whatnot Wednesdays just click on the button at the bottom of this post and grab a button to put on yours and link up. If you hate that I barely blog anymore unless it's a Whatnot Wednesday post, you can also click over and blame Elizabeth :).
*Speaking of Elizabeth she gave me a shout out on her blog today, as I read her post it had just begun to pretend rain outside, and Ray LaMontagane had begun to play on my pandora radio, it was a perfect moment and it turned my whole day around.
*My day was not entirely good up until that point. Chloe's had a very high fever and I didn't get much sleep last night.
*Today Kylynn told Jack, "when I'm older like, 6, 7, 9, or 21 I'm going to be able to do lots of cartwheels." Good job covering those bases on what exactly "older" means, dear.
*I've begun watching Lost, and I'm in love, like in love like I was with the Twilight series, ok actually it's not that bad. But I'm enjoying it so much. Unfortunately I had to take it back to the library today and I'm not done yet. I'm going to have to buy me some on amazon, they've got some copies for very cheap. Oh how I love amazon.
*Speaking of Amazon, I signed up for AmazonMom and it is awesome, I'll tell y'all more about it soon, but anyways I went to look up an order today and it said I had 10 orders in the past 30 days. They give you Amazon Prime for free when you sign up for AmazonMom and let's just say I've been taking advantage of it, big time!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Happy 4th
Happy 4th of July, friends! I hope you're having a good one. My kitchen smells like brisket right now and I'm about to make me this peach cobbler. Life doesn't get much better than that!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Rest
A re-post from June 1st 2010
I can feel life beginning to slow down, my muscles losing their tension, my brain slowing down having nothing to keep it up at night worrying. Summer arrived for us this weekend and we took it all in, we worked on projects, ate ice cream cones for dinner, went the the splash pad and the pool, watched movies, and finally began to rest.
Rest is not something we do easily around here. You know the little kid who never stops wiggling and getting into things and people are always coming up to you saying, "he sure is busy!" That little kid grows up to be Kyle, who would rather pull his hair out then sit still and rest. I on the other hand was not that kid, but grew up to marry Kyle and have become more like him over the years, although I only work about a fraction as hard as he does, I try to keep up. Then there is there is the fact that we are in a busy time of life, every time I get a chance to catch up with some friends I realize that we are not alone, this time of life is busy!
This weekend, Nana took Kylynn back home to San Antonio, so we were a family of three, which made rest much easier for all of us. Jack sleeps in hours later than Kylynn and takes twice the nap she does, so needless to say we had much more free time to get some things done. It was peaceful and although we really missed Kylynn, it was a lot of fun to just focus all our attention on Jack.
I am so excited about this summer, about the rest that comes naturally when you spend the afternoon at the pool, you come home feeling completely relaxed and wholly satisfied. I hope I don't see a single doctor this summer. I hope we all become brown and freckled. Most of all, I hope we all can learn how to rest as God intends, to figure that out and incorporate it into our regular lives, to leave this summer feeling refreshed and ready to go into next year with our eyes and hearts set upon our heavenly Father.
I can feel life beginning to slow down, my muscles losing their tension, my brain slowing down having nothing to keep it up at night worrying. Summer arrived for us this weekend and we took it all in, we worked on projects, ate ice cream cones for dinner, went the the splash pad and the pool, watched movies, and finally began to rest.
Rest is not something we do easily around here. You know the little kid who never stops wiggling and getting into things and people are always coming up to you saying, "he sure is busy!" That little kid grows up to be Kyle, who would rather pull his hair out then sit still and rest. I on the other hand was not that kid, but grew up to marry Kyle and have become more like him over the years, although I only work about a fraction as hard as he does, I try to keep up. Then there is there is the fact that we are in a busy time of life, every time I get a chance to catch up with some friends I realize that we are not alone, this time of life is busy!
This weekend, Nana took Kylynn back home to San Antonio, so we were a family of three, which made rest much easier for all of us. Jack sleeps in hours later than Kylynn and takes twice the nap she does, so needless to say we had much more free time to get some things done. It was peaceful and although we really missed Kylynn, it was a lot of fun to just focus all our attention on Jack.
I am so excited about this summer, about the rest that comes naturally when you spend the afternoon at the pool, you come home feeling completely relaxed and wholly satisfied. I hope I don't see a single doctor this summer. I hope we all become brown and freckled. Most of all, I hope we all can learn how to rest as God intends, to figure that out and incorporate it into our regular lives, to leave this summer feeling refreshed and ready to go into next year with our eyes and hearts set upon our heavenly Father.
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