Considering adoption, considering adopting an older (as in not an infant) child, one from another country, one with special needs, one of a different race? Then click over to Rage Against the Minivan to read this.
It is so important that we are fully prepared for all parts of adoption, because it is the best thing that's ever happened to me (no doubt) but it can be very hard and very painful (and I don't know the half of it, or even the tenth of it). God never said doing His will would be easy, but with His help we (those God has called to adoption) can do this, let's not go into it with blinders on though.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
my red and pink girl
Today was Valentine's day as far as she was concerned. Today was the day to put on her red dress, her black tights and her pink sweatshirt to top it all off. Today was the big day.
We drove over to the place where grandmas and grandpas live, as she explained it, to sing them songs about the One who loves them greatly, and I prayed, to be reminded of what we are to be about on this earth.
She sang along with all her classmates, each holding a pink or red ballon, sang about how much Jesus loves them, loves us, loves everyone. Sang about how someday we're going to heaven. As they sang I looked over and saw a woman, her eyes closed and a smile on her face. Her hair was white and deep lines traced her face but when she opened her eyes, I was stilled by her beauty. In her eyes was what the children sang about, as sure as the sun, there it was, a woman who knows the love of God and has the hope of her future in heaven with Him.
They were to pass out treats to the residents and I went to help give my red and pink girl the courage to love. I told her to hand them to the grandma or grandpa and to tell them her name, to tell them happy Valentine's day, and to give them a hug. Around she went speaking to one after another after another, hugging each one, even the ones who couldn't speak, even the ones who made her uncomfortable.
I wanted her to understand something today, I wanted myself to understand something today, that loving people is more important than our own comfort. That it is in loving the ones hardest to love that we begin to understand God's love. To start to be able to feel it's weight in our hearts, and begin to be changed. And when we understand God's love, then the rest will follow, it is then we can be used, it is then we find freedom.
On the way to drop her off for the rest of her school day, I told her again and again, how proud I was. "Thank you for the way you talked to all those people you didn't know and thank you for hugging them, it was very special for them." Someday I will tell her, that when I look at her I can already see the gifts He has gifted her with and if she will only let Him, He has big plans for her life, because the the gift I see biggest when I watch her, is His love.
We drove over to the place where grandmas and grandpas live, as she explained it, to sing them songs about the One who loves them greatly, and I prayed, to be reminded of what we are to be about on this earth.
She sang along with all her classmates, each holding a pink or red ballon, sang about how much Jesus loves them, loves us, loves everyone. Sang about how someday we're going to heaven. As they sang I looked over and saw a woman, her eyes closed and a smile on her face. Her hair was white and deep lines traced her face but when she opened her eyes, I was stilled by her beauty. In her eyes was what the children sang about, as sure as the sun, there it was, a woman who knows the love of God and has the hope of her future in heaven with Him.
They were to pass out treats to the residents and I went to help give my red and pink girl the courage to love. I told her to hand them to the grandma or grandpa and to tell them her name, to tell them happy Valentine's day, and to give them a hug. Around she went speaking to one after another after another, hugging each one, even the ones who couldn't speak, even the ones who made her uncomfortable.
I wanted her to understand something today, I wanted myself to understand something today, that loving people is more important than our own comfort. That it is in loving the ones hardest to love that we begin to understand God's love. To start to be able to feel it's weight in our hearts, and begin to be changed. And when we understand God's love, then the rest will follow, it is then we can be used, it is then we find freedom.
On the way to drop her off for the rest of her school day, I told her again and again, how proud I was. "Thank you for the way you talked to all those people you didn't know and thank you for hugging them, it was very special for them." Someday I will tell her, that when I look at her I can already see the gifts He has gifted her with and if she will only let Him, He has big plans for her life, because the the gift I see biggest when I watch her, is His love.
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Love
Sometimes you can't help but find love in the strangest places. A doughnut for example. Yesterday morning Kylynn was taken for a short Daddy/daughter date to go pick up doughnuts for daddy's work and of course a few for us. Her feet didn't touch the floor the whole time she was there, daddy time makes her that happy. Later that night she told Kyle, "I love you more than a doughnut." Well that is a compliment!
Mister Jack loved his kolache so much he told me, "mommy I love hotdog doughnut." And really who doesn't, two of the great food groups in one, hotdogs and doughnuts.
I hope you find some love this week of Valentine's in those small blessings God is surrounding you with.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Happy thrift store Tuesday!
I don't like shopping. The crowds, the fluorescent lights, the decisions, they always overwhelm me and make me just want to throw up my arms and leave or worse grab the first thing I see and buy it just to be done.
But for some reason, I LOVE shopping at thrift stores, antique stores, junk stores, you get the idea. There is something about walking through a store filled with old that calms me. Having to look up and down, behind, and around the corner to find a deal is thrilling and finding one, well that can make me happy for weeks even months.
Today I dropped the kiddos off at school and headed out for a marathon of thrift store shopping. First stop was Habitat for Humanity's Re-Store, this is personally my favorite thrift store in town as it has household items AND building materials, need a new toilet, some tile, a door, check them out.
But for some reason, I LOVE shopping at thrift stores, antique stores, junk stores, you get the idea. There is something about walking through a store filled with old that calms me. Having to look up and down, behind, and around the corner to find a deal is thrilling and finding one, well that can make me happy for weeks even months.
Today I dropped the kiddos off at school and headed out for a marathon of thrift store shopping. First stop was Habitat for Humanity's Re-Store, this is personally my favorite thrift store in town as it has household items AND building materials, need a new toilet, some tile, a door, check them out.
I got this lamp for $17.50, I love how unique it is. It will look so nice in my living room where we have several things we've collected from other countries, this bird ties into a lot of what we have in there. I'm not sure what it's made of but it's a heavy guy and has the appearance of tarnished brass.
I got these three planters, they are real pottery, and are creamed colored with a sage green leaf pattern. I'm so excited that we're going to be working on our backyard this spring. These will look so nice on our patio/deck. For one large pot and two medium pots I paid $40.
And entirely un-exciting, I found a trashcan for Chloe's room for $2!
Next, it was off to the local Goodwill, I didn't find any of the things I was looking for, but I did find some cute things for the kids.
I got Kylynn a dress and two skirts for $11.27, but I was most excited about finding these in her size!
The cashier made me smile when she checked twice that I understood that they were tap shoes and might therefore drive me crazy. She may be right but, her feet grow fast and I know she will adore these. I'll give these to her for Valentine's day, they were $2.99.
I got Jack two polos for a total of $5.98, boring I know but he's not in need of much clothes.
Next I was off to the Mrs. Baird's thrift store, do y'all have one of these in your town, check the phone book because they're not much for advertising so most people don't know they exist. They sell bread soon to reach the sell by date for discounted prices. When you're lucky they'll have bread that has to be sold by today's date, when that happens all the bread/bagels/rolls/tortillas/you name it are 4 for a dollar or 39 cents each. Here's my haul for a total of 1.39.
Happy thrift store Tuesday to you sweet blog friends! I hope you find something that makes you smile and that the hunt alone is enough to make your day.
WAIT...I almost forget, I picked up this beauty of the way home for free (a gift card from Christmas). A tall decaf mocha, total $0.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The great joy of my life
At exactly what age will I figure out how to do this mommy thing right? I would take doing it pretty darn good, but most days even that seems like an idea I once had.
Yesterday I asked Kylynn to tell me her memory verse from school this week, she had said it the night before so I knew she knew it and I was helping her commit it to memory. With a little help getting started she said the verse, but when I asked her for the reference, she couldn't think of it. So I told her it and asked her to repeat it to me, and after .2 seconds she had forgotten what I said. I decided that there was no way she could have forgotten something that she knew the day before and I had just told her. So I told her that we weren't going to get out of the car and go watch our movie until she repeated it to me, deciding that she was being stubborn? lazy? funny? But then she started to totally stress out and it escalated from there, no matter how much I tried to give her clues she was too far gone into freak out mode. In the end we went inside and she went to her room to calm down and she was able to think of "Mark" and I supplied the numbers. For the life of me I do not know if she genuinely didn't know the answer or just didn't want to give me the satisfaction.
Daily this little girl makes me so unsure of whether I've just chosen the right battle, said the right thing, praised her enough, taught her enough. There are countless moments where I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and whether or not I've made the right decision. I often end my days with her, sitting on her bed and apologizing for how I responded to her in anger, but explaining that even though my response was wrong, her behavior was still unacceptable.
Jack has been unusually whiny for the past two days, crying for long periods of time for no reason. He won't tell me anything that's wrong and has no physical symptoms, so I just assumed that it's the fact that he'll be three in a few weeks that's causing it. At every meal, he's said, I'm not hungry and not wanted to eat. When it comes to Jack and eating I have been brought to tears over it on more than one occasion and am constantly praying about it. He has actually gained a decent amount of weight in the last six months but I am always trying to sneak in more calories into his diet, in my mind him not eating is completely unacceptable. So I told him he had to finish this or that on his plate and then he could get down. Finally at lunch time today, he said my belly hurt, so I took away his plate and laid him on the couch and sure enough about 30 minutes later he was throwing up. I wish I could tell you that this is the first time I've forced a sick child to eat, completely unaware that they were actually telling the truth about not being hungry, but it's not. Hindsight's 20/20 and after the fact I can't believe that I thought that he was just being grumpy.
Daily I question whether I let him get away with too much, is he telling the truth when he says that his sissy did it, or is he just trying to stay out of trouble. Do I spend enough time focused on just him, since he's content to play by himself and not constantly asking for my attention like his sister. I often end my days with him trying to tell him a little of his unique story, already unsure of whether I have the right words for his small questions.
I suppose that it's only after you do it that you learn how it's done. That it's in the doing that you are trained in how to be a mother, that it's in the mistakes that you learn what to do better next time, that it's in the sorrows that you are reminded of how much joy there is. But God He knew all of this and so he gave mothers a love big enough to cover over all our sins and have enough left over to teach our children that they are desperately loved.
My patient children I may never get this mother thing done perfectly or even pretty darn good, but know that everything I ever did I did because I love you in a way that makes me catch my breathe and blink back tears. This chance God has given me, to raise His children, to be your mommy, it's the great joy of my life.
Yesterday I asked Kylynn to tell me her memory verse from school this week, she had said it the night before so I knew she knew it and I was helping her commit it to memory. With a little help getting started she said the verse, but when I asked her for the reference, she couldn't think of it. So I told her it and asked her to repeat it to me, and after .2 seconds she had forgotten what I said. I decided that there was no way she could have forgotten something that she knew the day before and I had just told her. So I told her that we weren't going to get out of the car and go watch our movie until she repeated it to me, deciding that she was being stubborn? lazy? funny? But then she started to totally stress out and it escalated from there, no matter how much I tried to give her clues she was too far gone into freak out mode. In the end we went inside and she went to her room to calm down and she was able to think of "Mark" and I supplied the numbers. For the life of me I do not know if she genuinely didn't know the answer or just didn't want to give me the satisfaction.
Daily this little girl makes me so unsure of whether I've just chosen the right battle, said the right thing, praised her enough, taught her enough. There are countless moments where I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and whether or not I've made the right decision. I often end my days with her, sitting on her bed and apologizing for how I responded to her in anger, but explaining that even though my response was wrong, her behavior was still unacceptable.
Jack has been unusually whiny for the past two days, crying for long periods of time for no reason. He won't tell me anything that's wrong and has no physical symptoms, so I just assumed that it's the fact that he'll be three in a few weeks that's causing it. At every meal, he's said, I'm not hungry and not wanted to eat. When it comes to Jack and eating I have been brought to tears over it on more than one occasion and am constantly praying about it. He has actually gained a decent amount of weight in the last six months but I am always trying to sneak in more calories into his diet, in my mind him not eating is completely unacceptable. So I told him he had to finish this or that on his plate and then he could get down. Finally at lunch time today, he said my belly hurt, so I took away his plate and laid him on the couch and sure enough about 30 minutes later he was throwing up. I wish I could tell you that this is the first time I've forced a sick child to eat, completely unaware that they were actually telling the truth about not being hungry, but it's not. Hindsight's 20/20 and after the fact I can't believe that I thought that he was just being grumpy.
Daily I question whether I let him get away with too much, is he telling the truth when he says that his sissy did it, or is he just trying to stay out of trouble. Do I spend enough time focused on just him, since he's content to play by himself and not constantly asking for my attention like his sister. I often end my days with him trying to tell him a little of his unique story, already unsure of whether I have the right words for his small questions.
I suppose that it's only after you do it that you learn how it's done. That it's in the doing that you are trained in how to be a mother, that it's in the mistakes that you learn what to do better next time, that it's in the sorrows that you are reminded of how much joy there is. But God He knew all of this and so he gave mothers a love big enough to cover over all our sins and have enough left over to teach our children that they are desperately loved.
My patient children I may never get this mother thing done perfectly or even pretty darn good, but know that everything I ever did I did because I love you in a way that makes me catch my breathe and blink back tears. This chance God has given me, to raise His children, to be your mommy, it's the great joy of my life.
"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
Friday, February 4, 2011
It's cold outside, baby
This week has been cold. Highs below freezing for several days in a row, even a day that didn't get out of the 20s. I know y'all up north are not impressed but for us this is crazy cold.
This is how I looked most of the week, I was so cold even inside that I never took my hat off. I bought that hat in Korea so if you think it's less than fashionable, like my sis, I plead jet lag.
Even crazier today we got snow, just a dusting but the kiddos were excited. Kylynn was all about running around and dancing through the snow, Jack just wanted to eat it all.
This is how I looked most of the week, I was so cold even inside that I never took my hat off. I bought that hat in Korea so if you think it's less than fashionable, like my sis, I plead jet lag.
Even crazier today we got snow, just a dusting but the kiddos were excited. Kylynn was all about running around and dancing through the snow, Jack just wanted to eat it all.
I hope y'all are managing to stay warm and enjoying this chance to hunker down and spend time together as a family. And I hope today you have a reason to smile as big as that boy of mine.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
News?
I know that many of you want to know what's going on with our current adoption of our daughter, Chloe. I often want to know what's going on with our adoption too...if I actually took the time and energy to focus on this adoption I would be probably be a touch frustrated and entirely sad, so honestly it is something that I don't think about very much. I've allowed myself to buy a couple things here and there, some clothes that still had tags on at the Goodwill, some bows at the grocery store, fabric for the curtains in her room and this part of getting ready for her is fun and helps me feeling like I'm doing something productive.
So as you can guess from the above, we don't have much in the way of news, timelines, or the like, but we did get some good news, not very exciting news but good all the same. About two weeks ago, Chloe's paperwork for her permission to leave Korea was submitted. Once this is approved there are several steps that need to happen in order to get the call for travel (to pick up Chloe), but this first step really gets the ball rolling in that direction. My prediction is that we still have about two months to wait. My prayer is that prediction is completely wrong and we'll be heading to Korea in a few weeks. My hope is that she'll be home by her first birthday which is towards the end of March.
Chloe's bedroom was formerly a loft connected to our bedroom and the project to build a wall and turn it into a nursery is now complete. We still need to paint the trim, and by we I mean my hubby who has single-handedly done all the work. I have a sweet friend who made Chloe a beautiful baby quilt and because it was so beautiful I just couldn't use my nursery decor I used with Kylynn and Jack, so she's making me a bumper and crib skirt from the fabric she used to make the quilt. I'm so excited to have a girly room for Chloe.
I have been praying that God would prepare our hearts and our family for our new little girl and most of all that God would prepare her for the very difficult transition of leaving Korea and coming to our family. I know that the older she gets the harder it will be on all of us and I'm praying for wisdom on helping her in her grief. As always we would love your prayers for our family and Chloe's adoption. The fact that you continue to encourage us, ask about the progress, and pray for us is one of the great blessings in my life.
*Here you go Jessie, new pictures of the kiddos, thank you Laura, they are beautiful and you are so talented.
So as you can guess from the above, we don't have much in the way of news, timelines, or the like, but we did get some good news, not very exciting news but good all the same. About two weeks ago, Chloe's paperwork for her permission to leave Korea was submitted. Once this is approved there are several steps that need to happen in order to get the call for travel (to pick up Chloe), but this first step really gets the ball rolling in that direction. My prediction is that we still have about two months to wait. My prayer is that prediction is completely wrong and we'll be heading to Korea in a few weeks. My hope is that she'll be home by her first birthday which is towards the end of March.
Chloe's bedroom was formerly a loft connected to our bedroom and the project to build a wall and turn it into a nursery is now complete. We still need to paint the trim, and by we I mean my hubby who has single-handedly done all the work. I have a sweet friend who made Chloe a beautiful baby quilt and because it was so beautiful I just couldn't use my nursery decor I used with Kylynn and Jack, so she's making me a bumper and crib skirt from the fabric she used to make the quilt. I'm so excited to have a girly room for Chloe.
I have been praying that God would prepare our hearts and our family for our new little girl and most of all that God would prepare her for the very difficult transition of leaving Korea and coming to our family. I know that the older she gets the harder it will be on all of us and I'm praying for wisdom on helping her in her grief. As always we would love your prayers for our family and Chloe's adoption. The fact that you continue to encourage us, ask about the progress, and pray for us is one of the great blessings in my life.
*Here you go Jessie, new pictures of the kiddos, thank you Laura, they are beautiful and you are so talented.
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