Googling symptoms (bad), reading (good), and my friend Pandora

* I've been reading an amazing book lately called, Parenting your Internationally adopted child by Patty Cogen, it's really relevant to my children and frankly I should have read it before Jack came home and be re-reading it now to refresh, live and learn.  Anyways, it's making me see some of my children's behavior in completely different ways.  The other day Chloe threw a fit when I gave her lunch and no matter what I offered, something different to eat, to get down, keep eating, she was hysterical.  The words in the book kept coming back to me and I felt so defeated that I couldn't comfort her or anticipate her needs, I stated to fear we haven't made as much progress as I had thought.  And then she threw up all over me and was happy again.  I've never been so happy to be thrown up on :).

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*I listen to my Pandora station every night while I cook dinner, throw in a glass of wine and it almost makes cooking while three children scream/beg for food/hit each other over the head worth it.  But it helps, that's for sure.  I've had this station for a few years and it's really on the ball with playing music I like.  But the other night, they played some song that I didn't like so I hit the "thumbs down" button and was sure the next one would be one I had already approved, but no it was another song that I didn't like and instead of hitting the "thumbs down" button I just left it alone.  It occurred to me later, that I have begun to think of Pandora as someone with feelings and I just couldn't stand to hurt her (his?) feelings by disliking two of it's songs in a row.  Perhaps I need to get out more.

*In other news of being an overly anxious mommy, yesterday Chloe had purple lips in the morning after we got home from running some errands.  I started to decide it was no big deal, then thought well I might as well google it (always a bad decision).  It told me some possibilities and to look at her finger tips and tongue.  Her fingertips were fine but her tongue and mouth was also purple!  I decided that it was officially she is not getting enough oxygen and maybe there is something wrong with her heart and was just about to make an appointment when I noticed that her teeth were purple too.  That seemed odd, I mean I don't think our teeth need oxygen, then I remembered, she had spent the last hour drinking purple juice!  And I now remind you and myself that one should never google any symptom ever again.

Source: mamalovesfood.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I found this food blog and even though I wasn't hungry, every single recipe made me start to drool.   People following my on pinterest are going to hate me, I pinned about 15 of her recipes in 10 minutes.  You should totally check out, Mama Loves Food, I'm making her baked potato soup (crock pot) recipe as we speak!!  Plus she has a recipe for cinnamon roll cookies, I know right!

*Jack told me the other day, "mommy your my best friend."  And that pretty much made my month.

*I just finished book two in the Hunger Games series and so far, I'm enjoying them, don't get me wrong but I've just not been swept away by them the way people say.  Lost on the other hand is consuming me I'm half way through the last season and I can't decide if I want to not sleep and stay up all night watching them or watch one episode per month so that it will last longer.  I am so sad that it's almost over.

Source: img4.southernliving.com via Leigh on Pinterest

*Did I ever tell you we got our issue with the IRS resolved, we did!!  I got our check a week ago, we're getting some new windows in our old house because currently our windows aren't doing much more than plastic tarp when it comes to being energy efficient.  This is one of the ways to tell that you are old, when buying windows for your home is an exciting purchase and one you put before buying new cell phones.

*And for the grandparents because I love you and I know you love her, here's a video of Chloe being cute, singing me a song from her book.  PS- I'm not sure why I end the video by saying, "goodbye I love you," like I'm getting off the phone with Chloe, I'm just not all here these days and it's my kids' fault.

Love that Sticks

It was in the days leading up to Jack's cleft palate surgery, he had just turned one, and I was overwhelmed, terrified, and physically ill because of my anxiety.  I have a strong fear of doctor appointments, hospitals, blood, basically everything that had or would consume the weeks leading up to and following his surgery.

I was on my way to an appointment with the plastic surgeon and I was crying and couldn't seem to get a grip, I prayed some pitiful prayer, "help, I can't do this, and I think I'm freaking out."  My immediate answer, the voice on the radio began to sing to me, "why are you striving these days.  Why are you trying to earn grace.  Why are you crying.  Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away."*  I felt God place His hands on my face, my chin raised and I could see something besides my own fear.  He calmed me as He spoke to my heart through the words of a song, my shoulders relaxed and my heart stopped hurting.

"Why are you looking for love.  Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough.  To where will you go child, tell me where will you run.  To where will you run."*  Why had I (why do I always) try to carry around my burdens, when He was always waiting for me to hand them over.  Why is it that I so easily forget that His grace is enough.

"And I'll be by your side, where ever you fall.  In the dead of night, whenever you call.  And please don't fight these hands that are holding you.  My hands are holding you."*  I had spent the past months thrashing about in these safe arms longing to just hold me, calm me,  and whisper how much I am loved.  I had chosen independence over dependence on Him and it had made me sick.

"Look at these hands and my side, they swallowed the grave on that night, when I drank the world's sin.  So I could carry you in and give you life, I want to give you life."*  Life, He longs to give me life, life in abundance.  He is already victorious over death over the storms of this life.  He's got this under control,  and He will take care of me, of Jack, of everything.

I wiped the tears away and walked into that waiting room like a new person.  Jack had his surgery a week later and Kyle and I spent the hours in the waiting area saturated with peace.  I had finally allowed Him control, I had finally cast my cares upon Him, I had tasted and known that the Lord is good, and it changed my life.

I love the radio station, KSBJ for many reasons, but mainly because when life is causing me to freak out again, God is able to use this station, their music and their DJs to help me to re-focus on him.  Right now they are doing the "Love that Sticks" campaign for Valentine's day and I knew that I had to take part.  God reminded me how He can speak through a song, a quote, a note, without the author every knowing they're being used, to calm someone, to heal a heart, to bring long sought peace.

So I spent the morning putting up sticky notes in the buildings we visited, the hospital and Target.  And I felt part spy/part Jesus freak :), and 100% joyful!  If you have anywhere to go today or tomorrow I encourage you to participate, just take a post-it note write an encouraging message or scripture on it and include on the bottom: "lovethatsticks.com"  Stick it wherever you feel led, who knows what God could use your note to accomplish in someone's life.



Love That Sticks Listener Testimonies from 89.3 KSBJ on Vimeo.

*all quotes are from "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North

What Kylynn has taught me about fashion (take II)

One of life's many surprises when it comes raising children is watching Kylynn develop her love for fashion.  Let's just say that I unconsciously only buy solid color clothes and often will buy a shirt I like in three or four colors, I am boring when it comes to my fashion choices and Kyle well he wears your typical business atire, everyday.  So Kylynn, mainly influenced by her own creativity and perhaps inherited some genes from her aunt Jessie, breathes new life into me when I see her come down in the morning for school.

By pure will she convinced me to allow her to dress herself around two and a half and has been going strong ever since.  Her style is all her own and let's just say I take notice when she has a day where she wears a matching outfit, it's few and far between.  But even though sometimes I falter for a moment and think, really you are going to embarrass me, I love her style.  I love that she dresses for her alone and it has never occurred to her to try and fit into someone else's mold.

This is what I've been learning from her lately, I spend entirely too much time worrying about what other people think about me.  There are outfits I love myself in that I always end up changing out of before I leave the house because I'm worried that I'm not really "cool enough" to pull it off (and I'm not but who cares!) or that I feel like I shouldn't wear because they're for skinny people.  But she has taught me that people look beautiful when they love what they're wearing that people who feel beautiful are beautiful.

She reminds me daily that our fashion choices are a way to express who we are, and when did I decide that who I am is someone safe, and plain, and easily forgotten.  Kylynn's outfits grab people's attention. But then they get to know her and stay captivated by who she is, kind and loving, happy and funny, smart and independent.  She knows who she is, and she loves who she is.  I want to be like that more often, I want to dress like that more often.  Maybe I should start letting her pick out my clothes....

2011 was the year that...

Last year several bloggers did a re-cap of their year with links back to some of the posts from the previous year.  I thought it was such a great idea, but frankly the thought of looking back over a year's worth of posts overwhelmed me.  I'm always a little late to the party.  So before it becomes February and it seems too weird, let's look back at 2011.

It was a big year around here, it began with me in a sort of fog as I watched the days go by and still had to live with the fact that my daughter was not home.  But life most go on so, we celebrated Valentine's day with a visit to a nursing home and I continued to bathe my kids :) which lead to one of my all time favorite posts about Jack singing a song to his fish while I pondered this big love I've been given.

In March we finally got the call to go and bring Chloe home.  So we went to Korea: day one,  day two, and day three.  Finally we met our daughter, Chloe So-hyeon and we even did some remodeling so that she could have a room.

During the spring, a stranger made me cry (no surprise there) in Cracker Barrel, we celebrated Easter, and I waxed poetically about my sisters and just how important my relationship with them is to me.

This summer was the hottest summer on record and the driest but somehow we survived.  We started the summer with Kylynn turning 5, I still can't believe that my baby could be so old, not to mention what it says about me :).  We went on vacation to New Mexico with my family and escaped the heat!  Then before I knew it summer ended and I accomplished some of my goals.

We started off the "fall" with Kyle turning one year older and Kylynn starting Kindergarten.  We then continued my favorite season with some fun, we went glamping (yes I know how to spell), we celebrated Halloween, and some not-so-fun we realized the IRS was out to get us.  We ended the year by finalizing Chloe's adoption!  We also of course celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas, but really do you expect me to get things like that posted on my blog during that crazy season, just try and picture it in your head :).

It was a great year, one that found us trying on a family of five for the first time and after a few adjustments, found it to be a nice fit.  A year of change for each one of us, none so much as our newest member, and so it was at times exhausting and stressful but it was always good.  It was the year that God had for us and it was for our good, of that I am convinced, it was a year that we felt held securely in His hands, a year we felt loved, a year that made us marvel at His grace.

"If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" -Romans 8:31, 32

Seollal, Hunger (Games and mine), and public manners

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I'm sorry I have been absent so much from this blog, it has actually been a good thing, the month of January has had me catching up on a lot of my to-dos I had been behind on and enjoying spending much less time on the computer.  I seem to either spend way too much time here or ignore it alltogether, next month I need to work on finding that balance again so I can blog AND not waste hours on pinterest. :)

*Jack is a bit of an adrenaline junkie he loves to run really fast, jump off of high objects, and most of all talk of horrible things happening in a very excited voice.  He spends the entire day talking about imaginary scenarios where there's a fire (at the doctor's office we're on our way to) and the firemen will have to put it out!  Or an accident happening and the ambulance will have to come and help people!  Pretty much every scenario that sends me into a panic attack are the ones he loves to shout about as we drive in the car to our destination.

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*We celebrated Seollal (the Korean Lunar New Year) for the first time this year, we were a day late due to Kyle's schedule but we had a great time.  I made pajeon, dukgok, and both savory and sweet hoddeok. I cooked for about four hours so it definitely felt like a big feast.  When it was finally all done and we sat down to eat, I was both hungry and worn out.  I was really impressed with how good the food had turned out, since it was my first stab at Korean cooking (Kyle has always done it in the past).  Apparently I was enjoying my food a bit too much, Kyle pointed out that I was making a "mmm" sound every time I took a bite, I was grossing him out with my umm...enthusiasm, what can I say Korean food is good! :)

*To avoid that akward situation where you child points to someone and says, "look mommy that man is really fat", we have a rule that the only thing you can say about/to a stranger is a compliment, such as, "I like her dress."  It has worked really well and I have only had one embarrassing incident (so far) with each child.  Unfortunately most adults do not have as good of manners as my 5 and 3 year olds.  Twice a week we are at a building containing many doctors' offices and we have to ride the elevator.  Every single time we are there we have an adult on the elevator/hallway tell Jack that "he is tiny, small, so very very tiny!"  They say this as if they are paying him a compliment or as if he is not intelligent enough to understand them.  It always makes him feel uncomfortable and he looks at me to try and figure out what to do, and I'm at a loss.  For the record, boys who are almost four do not find being "so very tiny" to be a compliment and sometimes it's okay to not say every thought that comes to your mind.  Thank you!

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I have been in a very experimental mood when it comes to food lately, I'm sure it's because of Pinterest.  Anywho, I want to pass on the best breakfast sandwich of all time.  I often make myself an egg and cheese muffin to eat on my way to drop Kylynn off of school but I thought I'd shake it up a bit the other day and wow! it was amazing.  Take a toasted (I like mine very toasted) english muffin, put blackberry jam on both sides, cook an egg over medium (so that the yoke is just a little runny), put a piece of swiss cheese on it while the egg is hot, and there you have it, so good!  You'll make noises when you eat, right it's not just me that does that sometime...

*I've started reading the Hunger games and since I'm only about half way through the first book I'm doing okay at not letting it take over my life.  So far I find it not half as addictive as the Twilight series, but I believe that the first book in Twilight did not consume me either, so we'll see.  Reading it is part of the reason I have been so productive lately, I've been making deals with myself of things I need to do before I read.  I haven't been so on the ball and so consistent in reading the Bible in months! :)

*If I talk about pinterest again will you stop being my friend?  I would, geez lady get a real life friend!  Ok, so I've noticed a trend in my use of pinterest I'll pin anything crafts I'll never do, clothes I can never afford, homes that will always be 47 times cleaner than mine, but the only thing I've translated from pin to real life: food.  I have cooked proably a third of all my recipe pins and haven't touched the other categories, I'm not even sure what's on my other boards.

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*On Seollal we also practiced our bowing and watched some Korean cartoons I found on you tube.  The big kids were instantly hooked on the Robocar Poli.  They begged me to watch it again today and sure enough they watched three episodes of a show in which they did not understand a single word.  I'm really excited about it, as Jack is really loving the fact that he is Korean right now so the more Korean culture I can incorporate into our lifes the better.  Of course the fact that it was Korean did not make Chloe want to watch it anymore than any other TV show, it's a sign of a bad mommy when you wish your child would want to watch TV, add it to the list.

How about you what bit of randomness do you have for me today?  Books I need to read, food I need to eat, movies to see, stories to hear?  Let me know!  I hope y'all have a week filled with random beauty, it's all around us if we just take the time to notice.

Modern day machines (the good and bad), teeth, and more on Pinterest

*Can I get a hallelujah for modern day machines.  I am finally finding the time to write because dinner is cooking in the crock pot and bread machine, the washer and dryer are cleaning my clothes, and of course the TV/DVD is babysitting my children.  I feel kind of like superwoman, which makes absolutely no sense because I am doing very little work at the moment.

*Chloe doesn't watch TV yet so she is not actually being babysat, just being ignored, which I will regret later.  Besides climbing and opening doors, she is really into hitting Jack these days.

*I'm making Creamy Chicken and Rice soup for dinner, oh man it looks so good!  Of course I pinned it.

*Jack is no longer being babysat either, due to 1)his decision that all movies (Corduroy is on) are scary, no matter what the topic, he tells me he doesn't want to watch this movie anymore after about 1 minute because it's scary and 2) Chloe and the whole hitting Jack fascination.

*On Saturday I had eaten a really large breakfast and so for lunch I decided to make this really yummy looking smoothie(from Pinterest duh), with spinach and all sorts of berries.  I loaded up about $5 worth of produce into my blender and it died on me, I was so upset at the thought of throwing away all that (expensive) food, that I put it in the fridge.  It's still there and it looks disgusting I really need to throw it out, but then I will have officially wasted all that food.

*Kylynn's first tooth is loose, last night at dinner she started crying about how her tooth was stuck.  I looked at it and it was really loose and bleeding a little.  Kyle and I both were a little freaked out about it (which says so much about us I know) and I realized that once again I've reached a stage in parenting where I have no idea what's happening.  Later that night she used my magnified mirror to check it all out and found that her permanent tooth has already broken through behind it.  If you're a tooth expert, let me know if for some reason that's a problem.

*I was over at a friend's house the other night and I walked in and instantly saw something on her wall and just knew...Pinterest!  But most of the time when I'm with friends and I try to tell them about something I saw on Pinterest (which is sadly often) they're not members and have no idea what I'm talking about.  If my phone wasn't from 1987, I could pull it up and show them, but instead I just say never mind and they're left thinking I need to get a life, which is entirely true.

*I have probably used Wikipedia about 3 times in my life and then today of all days I needed it to look up information on the Lunar New Year and how they celebrate it in Korea, we've never celebrated it and I saw some of my fellow Korea mommies do really cool things with their kiddos so I wanted to this year and of course today they're protesting with a blackout.  Unfortunately with the brain I have these days I will not remember to check back tomorrow.

*I'm sure that there was more randomness that I intended on writing when I sat down, but Chloe has come in every 30 seconds to pull on my arm and then throw herself on the ground in dramatic flair to inform me of her extreme dislike that I am not paying attention to her!  So for now friends I hope you have a great Wednesday, full of randomness, and that you see the beauty in all of it around you.

Oh crap Chloe's got the cookies and some of my pottery and is playing the "drums", peace out!

Let's talk Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Jenny on Pinterest

Have y'all noticed I've been a little absent on this here blog lately, it's because of a little thing called Pinterest.  Are you on Pinterest, if so let's discuss, if not well listen in and decide if the good outweighs the bad, I honestly don't know.

Source: polyvore.com via Jenny on Pinterest

You see Pinterest is a little like crack.  Well I've never done crack (shocking I know), how about this Pinterest is a little like cheese puffs.  One taste and your hooked, before you know it you can't stop consuming until the last one has been eaten.  When it's all said and done you're left feeling a little guilty but mostly thinking about when you can have more.

Source: crushculdesac.tumblr.com via Jenny on Pinterest

For those of you not on Pinterest, it is website where you can create virtual pinboards of pictures (that include links to the website they're from) organized by category.  You also follow others and see what they're pinning, which if you're not creative (like me) you can just re-pin whatever they do.  I have a board with recipes, one with fashion, one with ideas for my home, one I used while Christmas shopping, and one for guilty pleasures, like this picture of my favorite vampire someone pinned and I literally could not stop myself.

Source: sassybitchface.tumblr.com via Jenny on Pinterest

Here's the thing about Pinterest that separates it from all the other time wasters out there on the web.  After I spend an hour on Pinterest I feel like I just cooked this dinner and this one, made this dessert to boot, styled my hair, bought a whole new outfit, learned how to clean my bathroom with a grapefruit, and painted my island turquoise!  Only problem is all I really did was spend an hour looking at pretty pictures and pinning them onto my boards.

Source: fortheloveofcooking-recipes.blogspot.com via Jenny on Pinterest

But believe or not I do actually use the things I pin.  I've become much more fashion conscious, well some days at least.  I've cooked many of the recipes I've found, and found that just because someone has a fancy camera doesn't mean their recipe is any good, but sometimes it does.  I've tried the sock bun for curling my hair, and it made my hair look like a rat's nest, but I'm hoping it was user's error and will try again.  I used it very effectively to pick out Christmas gifts, and have a list as long as Kyle's arm (he's got long arms) for projects to do around the house.  In short, it's made me more creative and eager to try new things then I've been since I grew up and lost that creative energy that used to drive me.

Source: jenniferjohner.typepad.com via Jenny on Pinterest

Are you on Pinterest?  If so let me know I'd love to follow you, because the more people I follow the more cool pins I see when I log on and the less likely I am to click on the "popular" pins link and find myself drowning in a world of amazing pins that never ends.  Afterall a girl's gotta sleep sometime.

*wow, the word "Pinterest is very hard to spell and blogger needs to learn it's a real word so I can easily see where I've messed up*