Showing posts with label Books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Books. Show all posts

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Bless the Lord, O my soul

Have you heard 10,000 reasons by Matt Redman, isn't it wonderful.  Every time I hear it I bow down inside, I remember to wipe away this coating the world has put on my eyes and look around me at what is true.  Every time I sing those words, "whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes," I open my hands back up, I losen my grip on what I've laid claim to, and turn to face my day ready to receive the gifts He has for me, even those that seem scary at first glance.  It makes me want to learn how to count His blessing better, to each night arrive at 10,000 and start all over again the next day.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, I will worship your Holy name, in praise and thanksgiving of


This one, who prayed for me this morning that I would spend time reading my Bible and have restful alone time.  Just hearing her pray those words changed my outlook on the day, how did she know just how to pray, how did God ever see it fit to allow me to raise her.  Who takes two full minutes when I drop her off at school to make sure to give us all long hugs and big kisses and then stands outside the car signing I love you with the biggest smile you've ever seen.

Finishing this book and loving it so much that I plan to flip it back over and start all over again.  To find my struggles written so beautifully on the page and see how God can work to heal the sins that nag me and the fears that haunt me.  To be reminded that the spiritual discipline of thanksgiving is powerful and so very necessary.


This one who had a dry diaper two nights in a row.  Who looked at me when I lost my cool and said, I'm going to give you a hug and a kiss, mommy.  He overwhelms me with his patience and his soft heart and his courage, oh to have courage like him.  For the second time he cleaned up the playroom by himself in order to get a treat and the few moments of a picked up house soothed over the rough spots in my day.

Watching this documentary* and knowing I still have part two waiting for me.  It made me cry so hard it hurt and I actually punched something I was so angry.  But it is always good to remember what I am here for, it is always important to understand that the comforts of my life do not entitle me to turn away from the darkness and the battle against it.  To hear His voice remind me that I need only continue to seek Him and obey, always obey, and daily to pray and pray again.


This little one who could not be cuter which brings me such joy and sadness, knowing that really soon she will be a big kid and she will be beautiful and amazing but, she will someday stop needing me to hold her and won't always call herself "Foey."  She received a gift yesterday and she opened it all by herself and I got to watch her dance to the latest CD from a famous Kpop artist.  I took her in my arms and I asked her if she remembered, could she possibly remember how she used to dance to this music with her second mama.  And in those moments I am always humbled to be apart of something so very big, the complicated lives of my children.


We walked over to this neighborhood library in the park, leave a book, take a book, it's all free for any who would like.  And I just stood there staring at it, thinking well now, there it is, the best thing.  A free library, in the park I love, in my neighborhood, surrounded by flowers.  Isn't it amazing the way He loves, he doesn't just provide for our every need, he gives us a deep abiding joy, and then he puts sprinkles on top with the most frivolous things that He knows would mean the world to us, a library in the park!

9,981 more reasons to go, I'm off to see what the Lord has for me today, and I pray I may be singing when the evening comes.

*You can still view Half the sky online for 5 for more days.  For what it's worth I think that this is one of the most important subject matters you can educate yourself on.  I urge you to watch these, they are well done and enjoyable while they stir your heart.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Learning to parent, the hard way


For the past three weeks (I cannot believe it's been three weeks since my last post!) I have emerged myself in all things parenting, all things parenting differently than I had been.  I took what I'd read from the first 100 pages or so of Parenting... and the first 30 pages of The Connected Child, mixed them with about 8 minutes of a parenting coach's advice (thanks Shannan!) and came out with my new made up way to try and do something different, anything different really, it was time to make some changes around here, something had to give.

Then I began to ask for prayer, I asked my bible study to pray for me, I asked my church to pray for me and may have even have received some prayers from some of you sweet people out there, because if there is one thing I know it is this: I cannot do anything worth doing out of my own strength.  I have felt those prayers this week in such a big way, and that, more than anything I have done that has given me such hope.  I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing, am sure that books should probably be read all the way through, and know that I could benefit from a lot more than 8 minutes of parenting coaching, but I see God at work in our family right now and there's nothing that makes me more excited than watching God work.

I had a lot of room for improvement when it came to the way I parent my children.  One of the biggest blessings in this challenge God is leading me through is this: if I had birthed all three of my children, I doubt that I would ever have taken the time and energy to stop and take a good look at the way I mother my children.  To stop and pay attention to His small voice asking for something more from me.  I would have been okay with mediocre, with doing what everyone else does.  I would have continued to pat myself on the back that I really, really LOVE my kids and bonus I take them to ChickFilA, the library, the park, and fun trips all the time.

God has been nudging my heart for a very long time about my tendency to yell at my kids, my misaligned priorities (that say getting things done is more important than truly being with my kids), my justifying the wasting of time on pinterest/blogs/facebook, the perfection that often is the source of the decisions I make and the rules I impress on my (very young) children.  I didn't listen, I heard Him and I occasionally felt bad about it, but I never took significant steps to change my behavior.

And then one day I encountered such hurt and loss and anger in the actions of one of the loves of my life, that no matter how I tried (oh how I tried!) the status quo was not going to work anymore.  In fact my parenting was making things worse,  I finally gave up and was willing to try submitting to God's leading.

The funny thing is I always thought I was parenting the way a Christian mother should.  Discipline is my main game, I am consistent to a fault, if you do something wrong in my house, there is a consequence.  I spend countless minutes putting people in time out, disciplining them for screaming in time out/leaving time out, talking to them about why they were in time out.  I have taken everything out of one of my child's rooms for breaking one of their things (on purpose), I have had kids clean cars, pick up dog poop, skip activities, go to bed early, you name it I've tried it. But I have a secret, when I sin, I want grace, I want God to look at my heart and see that I was doing the best I could for the maturity I am at, I want Him to pick up the broken pieces and make everything better.  And He does.  My Daddy God, who is everything good, is slow to anger and quick to listen, He looks at my heart and His mercies are new every morning, He extends grace to me for so long before He disciplines.  And more than anything He desires a very real relationship with me, one He sacrificed everything to have with me.  I have never parented my children the way God parents me.

So I decided that it was time to give it a try, the first thing I did was gave up yelling, gave it up like the bad drug it was, oh don't worry I still fall off the wagon from time to time, but I feel like a new woman (mommy).  It's the coolest thing when you lower your voice when a child makes a bad choice and raise it when they make a good choice (this was my main take away from the parenting coach) two things are accomplished, you stop rewarding bad behavior and you stop getting angry.  Let me clarify, when my child is mad at me and pushes my buttons and I yell they are rewarded, they're game worked, that got the reaction they were going for and that reinforces the behavior.  And the bonus that I didn't expect, when I don't yell, I don't get angry, I feel so much calmer throughout the day.

The second thing I've been doing is so much harder, I began to actually pay attention to my children, each one, everyday.  Let me just continue my run for mom who makes all other moms feel better about themselves, until recently I never played with my children.  Okay I would play with them on occasion for a few minutes, but I wasn't really giving them all of my attention.  I had decided that I didn't really need to play with my children, after all I am with them every single moment of every single day :).  I do the dishes they play around me, I read a magazine they play outside, I drive them to some fun activity while I pretend to listen to their very long story, I talk to the other moms, while they do the fun activity.  Isn't that enough?  No, I've decided, it's really not.  My children need my real attention, they need me to look them in the eye, not glance at them while I'm on the computer and tell them to just wait one more quick minute.  They want me to get on the floor and play trucks or barbies and they need it just like they need healthy food.

This has been hard for me, first because I thought that playing with them wasn't "fun" and second because I thought I didn't have enough time.  And yet, the more time I spend truly playing with them, the more I enjoy it, the more I am amazed by their ideas, and their intelligence, by their hearts and their fears.  When it comes to time, you have the time you have, it's up to you what you do with it, so I've stopped wasting so much of it.  I've been spending much less time on the computer, I haven't put on make up except for church in two weeks, and my house is perhaps messier than usual (not sure if that last one is possible).  I am convinced that if I will trust God with my time, give it all over to Him and honor Him in how I use it He will return it to me in abundance, He will accomplish what needs to be accomplished, I need only to obey.

And you?  How's it going, please keep up the great advice, I am certain I cannot do this on my own.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Finding out I don't know everything, the hard way

I've never told y'all this, but after we finished our home study to adopt Jack the social worker had the gall to tell us that she didn't think we were mentally prepared for International adoption and would not forward on our home study until we read this huge packet of training material.

Until about six months ago I thought that lady was a little high on her power and quite frankly confused.  See in case you don't know me in real life, I'm a really good mom, and we had parented for a whole year! before we began the process to adopt Jack.  You know basically we were experts and really how hard could this whole adoption thing be...ahem.

She was concerned that we didn't have answers for how we would raise him as Korean in an white family, how we would handle his questions about adoption, how we would help him navigate life as someone who is white on the inside, Korean on the outside, and constantly faced with the fact that he is different.

I read her dumb articles, mostly about children from orphanages (didn't apply to me), and children with attachment disorder (definitely didn't apply to me).  We moved forward and without trying I began to become educated on adoption, the orphan crisis, emotional problems adopted children face, what it's like to be an interracial family, and so on.  I read blogs mainly and learned from other's stories the reality of the life I was beginning.

But that is where my education ended, until I began the ultimate school of adoption, the day I met my son.  We came home and I saw that regardless of how much I loved him, his heart was broken on that day I took him from his foster mother.  Part of him was forever lost when I took him from his country, his language, his food, his world.  I was too tired to read the books then, so I prayed and I held him and I cried and we figured it out, it took a long time, but we were okay, or so I thought.

Then one day, my son began to cry and sob over the loss of his foster mother and his country.  He began to ask me daily to go back and see her, to see it.  I had no answers for him, I listen and I prayed but I didn't know how to help him heal.  I finally bought a book and began to read it, I finally understood that this path we're on goes on forever, that the loss he has had to face is not a thing of the past, but a part of who he is.

Today I saw a friend of mine and just dumped on her everything that we've been dealing with lately and she asked me how we've been handling it, and I told her the truth, I have no idea what I am doing.  She too is an adoptive mom and is dealing with many of the same issues, she told me about another book that she highly recommends (it was another one I thought didn't apply to me, I may never learn).  When I left everything in my life was just the same as it was when I walked into that room, but it made me better having a safe person to tell the truth to, someone to tell me that we're normal, and to help me find a way out of this.

I don't want to scare anyone out there out of adopting, no matter how hard it is, it will always be one the best things in my life.  But I do want to scare you a little, scare you enough to stop you from making the same mistakes I've made, to go into this process with more solutions and less pride.  Read the books, join the support group, find the right friends.  Other adoptive families will be your life line, if you don't know anyone else who's family looks like yours, walk up to strangers at the store and ask them to be your friend, if they're like me they will happily, because we've all been there.  Seek out friends of your children's race, bribe them with food, and have them in your home at least once a week, adopt grown up Korean people to go with your little Korean people :).

In the end remember that we are to do what is best for children, we are to read the books, and find the support, and parent them the way they need to be parented (not the way others parent their biological children), but most of all we are to pray.  To come before the Lord and lay it all at his feet and tell him that there is not a thing in the world I can do to fix this mess that is adoption.  Trust Him with the answer, trust Him to make us all better, trust Him that He has already overcome the world and it's problems.  The fact that love covers a multitude of sins is perhaps the sweetest promise to me today.



The two books I am currently reading in this journey are Parenting Your Internationally adopted child and The Connected Child

Friday, February 17, 2012

Googling symptoms (bad), reading (good), and my friend Pandora

* I've been reading an amazing book lately called, Parenting your Internationally adopted child by Patty Cogen, it's really relevant to my children and frankly I should have read it before Jack came home and be re-reading it now to refresh, live and learn.  Anyways, it's making me see some of my children's behavior in completely different ways.  The other day Chloe threw a fit when I gave her lunch and no matter what I offered, something different to eat, to get down, keep eating, she was hysterical.  The words in the book kept coming back to me and I felt so defeated that I couldn't comfort her or anticipate her needs, I stated to fear we haven't made as much progress as I had thought.  And then she threw up all over me and was happy again.  I've never been so happy to be thrown up on :).
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*I listen to my Pandora station every night while I cook dinner, throw in a glass of wine and it almost makes cooking while three children scream/beg for food/hit each other over the head worth it.  But it helps, that's for sure.  I've had this station for a few years and it's really on the ball with playing music I like.  But the other night, they played some song that I didn't like so I hit the "thumbs down" button and was sure the next one would be one I had already approved, but no it was another song that I didn't like and instead of hitting the "thumbs down" button I just left it alone.  It occurred to me later, that I have begun to think of Pandora as someone with feelings and I just couldn't stand to hurt her (his?) feelings by disliking two of it's songs in a row.  Perhaps I need to get out more.

*In other news of being an overly anxious mommy, yesterday Chloe had purple lips in the morning after we got home from running some errands.  I started to decide it was no big deal, then thought well I might as well google it (always a bad decision).  It told me some possibilities and to look at her finger tips and tongue.  Her fingertips were fine but her tongue and mouth was also purple!  I decided that it was officially she is not getting enough oxygen and maybe there is something wrong with her heart and was just about to make an appointment when I noticed that her teeth were purple too.  That seemed odd, I mean I don't think our teeth need oxygen, then I remembered, she had spent the last hour drinking purple juice!  And I now remind you and myself that one should never google any symptom ever again.


*I found this food blog and even though I wasn't hungry, every single recipe made me start to drool.   People following my on pinterest are going to hate me, I pinned about 15 of her recipes in 10 minutes.  You should totally check out, Mama Loves Food, I'm making her baked potato soup (crock pot) recipe as we speak!!  Plus she has a recipe for cinnamon roll cookies, I know right!

*Jack told me the other day, "mommy your my best friend."  And that pretty much made my month.

*I just finished book two in the Hunger Games series and so far, I'm enjoying them, don't get me wrong but I've just not been swept away by them the way people say.  Lost on the other hand is consuming me I'm half way through the last season and I can't decide if I want to not sleep and stay up all night watching them or watch one episode per month so that it will last longer.  I am so sad that it's almost over.



*Did I ever tell you we got our issue with the IRS resolved, we did!!  I got our check a week ago, we're getting some new windows in our old house because currently our windows aren't doing much more than plastic tarp when it comes to being energy efficient.  This is one of the ways to tell that you are old, when buying windows for your home is an exciting purchase and one you put before buying new cell phones.

*And for the grandparents because I love you and I know you love her, here's a video of Chloe being cute, singing me a song from her book.  PS- I'm not sure why I end the video by saying, "goodbye I love you," like I'm getting off the phone with Chloe, I'm just not all here these days and it's my kids' fault.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Seollal, Hunger (Games and mine), and public manners

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I'm sorry I have been absent so much from this blog, it has actually been a good thing, the month of January has had me catching up on a lot of my to-dos I had been behind on and enjoying spending much less time on the computer.  I seem to either spend way too much time here or ignore it alltogether, next month I need to work on finding that balance again so I can blog AND not waste hours on pinterest. :)

*Jack is a bit of an adrenaline junkie he loves to run really fast, jump off of high objects, and most of all talk of horrible things happening in a very excited voice.  He spends the entire day talking about imaginary scenarios where there's a fire (at the doctor's office we're on our way to) and the firemen will have to put it out!  Or an accident happening and the ambulance will have to come and help people!  Pretty much every scenario that sends me into a panic attack are the ones he loves to shout about as we drive in the car to our destination.

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest


*We celebrated Seollal (the Korean Lunar New Year) for the first time this year, we were a day late due to Kyle's schedule but we had a great time.  I made pajeon, dukgok, and both savory and sweet hoddeok. I cooked for about four hours so it definitely felt like a big feast.  When it was finally all done and we sat down to eat, I was both hungry and worn out.  I was really impressed with how good the food had turned out, since it was my first stab at Korean cooking (Kyle has always done it in the past).  Apparently I was enjoying my food a bit too much, Kyle pointed out that I was making a "mmm" sound every time I took a bite, I was grossing him out with my umm...enthusiasm, what can I say Korean food is good! :)

*To avoid that akward situation where you child points to someone and says, "look mommy that man is really fat", we have a rule that the only thing you can say about/to a stranger is a compliment, such as, "I like her dress."  It has worked really well and I have only had one embarrassing incident (so far) with each child.  Unfortunately most adults do not have as good of manners as my 5 and 3 year olds.  Twice a week we are at a building containing many doctors' offices and we have to ride the elevator.  Every single time we are there we have an adult on the elevator/hallway tell Jack that "he is tiny, small, so very very tiny!"  They say this as if they are paying him a compliment or as if he is not intelligent enough to understand them.  It always makes him feel uncomfortable and he looks at me to try and figure out what to do, and I'm at a loss.  For the record, boys who are almost four do not find being "so very tiny" to be a compliment and sometimes it's okay to not say every thought that comes to your mind.  Thank you!

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I have been in a very experimental mood when it comes to food lately, I'm sure it's because of Pinterest.  Anywho, I want to pass on the best breakfast sandwich of all time.  I often make myself an egg and cheese muffin to eat on my way to drop Kylynn off of school but I thought I'd shake it up a bit the other day and wow! it was amazing.  Take a toasted (I like mine very toasted) english muffin, put blackberry jam on both sides, cook an egg over medium (so that the yoke is just a little runny), put a piece of swiss cheese on it while the egg is hot, and there you have it, so good!  You'll make noises when you eat, right it's not just me that does that sometime...

*I've started reading the Hunger games and since I'm only about half way through the first book I'm doing okay at not letting it take over my life.  So far I find it not half as addictive as the Twilight series, but I believe that the first book in Twilight did not consume me either, so we'll see.  Reading it is part of the reason I have been so productive lately, I've been making deals with myself of things I need to do before I read.  I haven't been so on the ball and so consistent in reading the Bible in months! :)

*If I talk about pinterest again will you stop being my friend?  I would, geez lady get a real life friend!  Ok, so I've noticed a trend in my use of pinterest I'll pin anything crafts I'll never do, clothes I can never afford, homes that will always be 47 times cleaner than mine, but the only thing I've translated from pin to real life: food.  I have cooked proably a third of all my recipe pins and haven't touched the other categories, I'm not even sure what's on my other boards.

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*On Seollal we also practiced our bowing and watched some Korean cartoons I found on you tube.  The big kids were instantly hooked on the Robocar Poli.  They begged me to watch it again today and sure enough they watched three episodes of a show in which they did not understand a single word.  I'm really excited about it, as Jack is really loving the fact that he is Korean right now so the more Korean culture I can incorporate into our lifes the better.  Of course the fact that it was Korean did not make Chloe want to watch it anymore than any other TV show, it's a sign of a bad mommy when you wish your child would want to watch TV, add it to the list.

How about you what bit of randomness do you have for me today?  Books I need to read, food I need to eat, movies to see, stories to hear?  Let me know!  I hope y'all have a week filled with random beauty, it's all around us if we just take the time to notice.

EveryDaytheWonderfulHappens

Monday, October 24, 2011

It's my birthday and I'll do a giveaway if I want to


This week is my birthday.  I'm turning 32, and I'm told I don't look a day over 35 so there's that.  I was thinking about what I wanted for my day, and one of the things that came to my mind was "comments."

If you are not a blogger then this probably does not make any sense to you, but getting a comment on a post you wrote is truly a gift.  I love getting to hear what someone out there thought about a topic, I love knowing that at least one person read my blog, and most of all it is through comments that I have made new friends, some of them who have become people I adore and talk about constantly (although I do always preface it with you know my friend I've never met....).

Then last week I finished reading, No Biking in the House without a helmet by Melissa Fay Greene, I knew that I had to do my first giveaway.  It's the perfect combination, I get to give you a book I think you'll love and at the same time I get to meet some of you out there who read this blog :).

The memoir, No Biking in the House, is one of the best books I have read in a really long time. Bottom line, it made me happy and I didn't want it to end.  I completely fell in love with this family, I wanted to move next door so that I could spend time with them everyday.

Melissa Faye Green's is the mother to nine children, four by birth, and five by adoption.  This memoir begins when they have reached a point in their life where they must decide whether or not to try for a fifth child and tells their rather gradual and perhaps accidental path to adoption from there.

I must tell you, this book is just the story of their family, it is not a how-to on international adoption, or a book on dealing with the issues sure to come with adopting older children (though she certainly could write either of those books).  There is no preaching to be found, instead it is full of honesty in their successes and failures, including their doubts and second thoughts during each adoption.

This book made me laugh out loud, which is something I rarely do while reading.  I was inspired by her ability to relax about the craziness of having a family of eleven, her laid back approach was contagious.  It also made me cry, admittedly it was because of my own life experiences, but her love and devotion to her children and the journey they take to bring each one of them home is very touching.

It's hard for me not to not just start over on page one, but I figure the next best thing is not let you start on page one, then we can discuss. :)  So if you would like a copy of No Biking in the House without a helmet by Melissa Fay Greene, leave a comment telling me the last book you told all your friends about.  

If you would like to blog, facebook, or tweet about the giveaway go for it, please leave a *new* comment for each one you do.  Each person is allowed up to 3 comments.  The chance to enter the giveaway will end Friday at 5pm and I will randomly pick a winner and announce it by next Monday!

*I just wanted to give away a book I loved to one of y'all, it's a gift from me to you, Melissa Fay Greene has no idea who I am.*

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

About those goals...


You may recall back at the beginning of June I made some goals of things to accomplish this summer.  I'm a planner, a list maker, and I love to have some goals that I'm striving for, but I'm also a mom to three whose is currently really proud of herself if the kids get a bath every other night and the dishes stay done.  So there will be no guilt here for things left undone, I just wanted to see how I did.

Here were the goals I set, anything I accomplished I crossed off and the bold are my comments on how it went,

1. Read five of the non-fiction books I have been meaning to read forever.  I am currently reading Mere Christianity (more on that soon) the other four will come from the following list I've got going.  RadicalNo Biking in the House w/o a helmetOrganized SimplicityYear of Plenty (half way done)One Thousand GiftsShepherding a Child's HeartBringing up Boys, Bringing up Girls (2/3 of the way done).  Three out of five ain't too bad, I'll take it!  I will continue to read through this list along with several great books on adoption, orphans, and attachment that I found on Amazon.

2. Read four books for fun.  Duh, this one was a no-brainer, I'm sure I read twice that many, a favorite for those of you who are looking for a good book, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

3. Get my computer time under control, set up a plan/schedule of rules for healthy computer usage.  I've got nothing to show for this one, I need to roll it over into my school year goals I guess.

4. Greatly related to #3, get back into the routine and then habit of spending time DAILY in God's word as well as continued prayer throughout the day.  This one continues to be one I struggle with I did well for a while then fell out of the habit, then spent the rest of the summer having a dedicated "quite time" about 3-4 times a week, again I need to roll this over into my school year goals.

5. Get together with several friends I haven't seen in the past few months.  I was so proud of myself I actually saw a ton of different friends this summer, I need to keep that up!

6. Finish organizing our study, and set up a workable work area for me.  I am stuck on this one, I would like to purchase a sort of work space table from IKEA that will be perfect for this space and Kyle is in no hurry to drive over to a city 2 hours away for a piece of furniture, so for now my work space is frustratingly unorganized.

7. Hang the various wall hangings throughout the house that have been bought in the past six months.  Nope, not this one either, however I did buy more things to hang on walls, so we can spend even more time figuring out where everything goes :).

8. Complete my sewing projects.  (That is the funniest sentence I've ever typed, but I'm serious, really, kind of, no I have to get it done!)  Y'all I should have a party to celebrate this.  I put a backing on the curtains in Chloe's room and made 4 of the 8 pillows I needed to make BUT they were so easy I will finish the next 4 in a one night sitting soon.

9. Goals for teaching Jack:
*Potty trained.  This has to happen this summer or I suddenly become a homeschooler and need to add some more goals and books to my summer :)
*Begin to write his name.  I was aiming too high here, I should have written begin to write (as in scribble and this he did begin to do this summer).
*Work on counting to 10.  He's got 1,2,3,4,7,8,9 just need to fill in the middle :)

10. Goals for teaching Kylynn:
*Know all letters and the sounds they make
*Count to 20, write numbers 1-10
*be able to swim.  I totally failed on this one, I never even call the swim instructor to set up lessons, our summer was really that crazy, next summer.



Now I wish I would have put on my list, watch obnoxious amounts of Lost, check!  And in an amazing turn of events paint our entire den, check!


How about you, what'd you accomplish this summer and what are your goals for the school year, or do does the word "goal" make you think of Mia Hamm?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

What C.S. Lewis taught me this summer

Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis rocked my world this summer.  I enjoyed every page, loved his writing style, and was amused by his obvious belief in aliens.  Most importantly I was left with some truths that are stretching me, training me to be more like Him.  There is so much wisdom in this book, one of my favorite parts was the ways he explains The Trinity, but I couldn't quote a whole chapter here, so you'll have to read it yourself for that bit of wisdom.  Here are some of the quotes that grabbed me this summer.


On choosing a church:
"the question should never be: 'Do I like that kind of service?' but 'Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here?'"

On why God gave us free will:
"Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.  A world of automata--of creatures that worked like machines--would hardly be worth creating.  The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water.  And for all that they must be free."

On the original sin:
"The moment you have a self at all, there is the possibility of putting yourself first--wanting to be the centre--wanting to be God, in fact.  That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race."

On happiness and peace:
"That is why is is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion.  God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there.  There is no such thing."

When Christ returns:
"something else--something it has never entered your head to conceive--comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left?  For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature.  It will be too late then to choose your side.

On individuality of our walk:
"An individual Christian may see fit to give up all sorts of things for special reasons--marriage, or meat, or beer, or the cinema; but the moment he starts saying the things are bad in themselves, or looking down his nose at other people who do use them, he has taken the wrong turning."

On giving:
"I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare.  In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little.  If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small.

On judging:
"That is why Christians are told not to judge.  We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material.  But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it...when his body dies all of that will fall off him, and the real central man, the thing that chose, that made the best or worst out of this material, will stand naked...We shall then, for the first time, see every one as he really was.  There will be surprises."

On pride:
"In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself.  Unless you know God as that--and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison--you do not know God at all.  As long as you are proud you cannot know God.  A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."

On loving your neighbor:
"The rule for all of us is perfectly simple.  Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did.  As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets.  When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him."

On salvation:
"He offers everything for nothing.  In a sense, the whole Christian life consists in accepting that very remarkable offer.  But the difficulty is to reach the point of recognizing that all we have done and can do is nothing."

On community:
"God can show Himself as He really is only to real men....to men who are united together in a body, loving one another, helping one another, showing Him to one another.  For that is what God meant humanity to be like; like players in one band, or organs in one body."

On one of Satan's tricks:
"That is the devil getting at us.  He always sends errors into the world in pairs--pairs of opposites.  And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is worse....He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one.  But do not let us be fooled.  We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors.  We have no other concern with either of them."

On giving ourselves to Christ:
"The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self--all your wishes and precautions--to Christ.  But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead.  For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call 'ourselves', to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be 'good'."

On what God desires to do in our lives:
"Imagine yourself as a living house.  God comes in to rebuild that house.  At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing....But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense.  What on earth is He up to?  The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on a an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.  He intends to come and live in it Himself.

"Lose your life and you will save it.  Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life.  Keep back nothing.  Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours.  Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead.  Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay.  But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Library Day


I have always had a fascination with libraries, they are one of my favorite places on this earth.  I have rarely visited a town without spending time in their library, often amazed by just how nice even small town libraries are, disappointed that I don't possess the ability to check out a book, magazine, or DVD that catches my eye.  I remember a summer when a traveling library came to our neighborhood, a book mobile, and the excitement and anticipation I felt walking home with my latest read was pure joy.


In the heat of Texas summers the library is a haven for both me and my children.  I love our library located in downtown, where the children's section is big and secluded and they have almost as many toys as books.  We take back our bag full of books and leave with so many books and movies, I have to kick Jack out of the stroller in favor of the book bag.  The kiddos love the treat of each getting to pick out a movie all by themselves, and so we are often found watching Christmas movies in July (Jack's favorite choice) or The Sleeping Beauty ballet (Kylynn's choice).


When we get home the kids cannot wait to look through their stash of books, I spend my time picking out as many for them as they do.  They dump the bag out and begin to look through one and then another, not knowing how to read they are each consumed quickly, greedily.  Kylynn's latest fascination is books on CDs, we spend a long time looking through the choices, finding some suitable to her age, and we actually find several.  She will ask on this day alone, "is it rest time yet?"  She longs to go to her room turn on her audio book, then sit in her bed, surrounded by piles on books, to get to spend a whole hour enjoying each one.


The library is no longer about me, although admittedly I enjoy just being there.  I cannot find the strength or parenting skills to browse books with three children in tote.  But thanks to the internet I am still able to leave with a stack in hand.  I request the books and movies I want before hand and they are waiting for me when I check out.  And on library day I long for the kid's rest time just a little more than the other days, to curl up on my bed and get lost in a book.  To reclaim those feeling of joy from my childhood, the anticipation of falling into a new world, the excitement of finding new people to love.

Friday, June 17, 2011

What I'm loving this month


Our blackberry bushes were a bust this year, we got a total of around 22 blackberries out of 3 huge bushes.  On the other hand we have tomatoes, oh yes we have tomatoes in abundance.  I hate to waste food so we've been eating lots of tomatoes (and eggplants, onions, basil, and mint, our other bumper crops).  The other day it occurred to me I needed to eat some red meat soon, I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten any meat and it's no fun to be anemic.

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My favorite tomato recipes so far, tomato pie (thank you Elizabeth!) and fried green tomatoes.  I'll let Ms. Paul Deen tells you to make a tomato pie but for the fried green ones just do this, dip green tomato slices in flour, then egg, then panko crumbs, fry until a beautiful golden brown, remove from the oil and grind up some sea salt on top.  Oh my they are some kind of wonderful, I just drooled on my keyboard.

I got two of these dresses from Land's End and they finally came in this month, I waited two whole months, but let me tell you it was worth it.  I have a new uniform folks.  I wore it to the splash pad in 200 degree heat and I stayed cool.  I love it, it is very flattering, I wish I would have ordered three instead of two.

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I'm reading Bringing Up Girls, by Dr. Dobson.  I have cried my eyes out reading this book, mainly because I'm an emotional mess, but also because the book is so insightful into what little girls and women need from their parents.  This book is all about meeting your daughter's needs in such a way that she can grow up to be a successful, godly woman.  I think I'm going to have to buy it, it is a lot to take in in a few short weeks, and it is definitely a book worth owning.

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My pandora station introduced me to, Ray LaMontagne, I had never heard of him before and I am smitten.  His voice has some physical effect over me, I feel myself relax and refocus on happy things.  I wonder if there is any way I could stick my earbuds in my ears and listen to him during Jack's doctor appointments without looking like a crazy person, no?

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I drank a whole bottle of Simply Lemonade in about 2 days last week.  Oh my it is good stuff, it tastes like homemade lemonade, trust me I know.  For some reason I could never grasp today, before I had kids I regularly made lemonade from scratch all summer long, that's right I juiced the lemons by hand.  On that same note isn't it funny how before you had kids you thought you were "busy" and now you realize that you didn't even know the meaning of the word busy :).

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Did y'all watch Lost?  I didn't and I've yet to see an episode, but it seems like every week I read another blog about someone watching Lost on DVD and how much they've enjoyed it.  So it's not fair to say I'm loving Lost, but I'm loving the idea of watching Lost this summer, the problem is how to get my hands on the series for free to cheap, I am the only person in the world without Netflix (we use Blockbuster.com....long story), any ideas?

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Have you heard of Seeds Worship music, if you haven't here's all you need to know, it is scripture put to music for children, that will not make you want to "accidentally" break the CD.  It is good stuff, the Seeds of Courage CD is so good I listen to it by myself all the time, I'm often in need of courage.  The even cooler part is that all the CDs come with an extra copy you can give to a friend, free birthday present, score!


We finished our study a while back, before and after pictures coming soon, and my favorite thing about it is that I finally get to hang up this poster I bought from JollyGoode.  Flower patch farmgirl told us about her and really I might just plan another room around one of her prints, I love them that much!

How about you anything you're loving this month, let me in on it, please!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Back to the Basics


One of my goals this summer was to get back into the routine of a daily "quiet time."  This is an area of my life that I have always struggled, I get into a good routine, something happens, a new baby for example, and I get off track for much longer than it takes to adjust to the new baby.  I finally get back into a good routine and the whole process repeats itself all over again.  I have never crossed over into it being a habit, you know something you do without thinking, every, single, day, like brushing your teeth.

This summer our church is going through the Essentials Bible study* that some of our pastors have put together and I am really enjoying it.  The Bible study has been offered many times during my years at our church but I have always passed, thinking that it would be boring and really only useful for a new believer, I was wrong.

The Essentials study deals with the core beliefs of Christianity, such as the Trinity, the deity of Christ, how to be saved, assurance of salvation, the Holy Spirit, and so on.  Although I'm at a place in my walk where most of the information we are covering is not new to me, let's face it as humans we grasp very little of the God we serve. It is always good to go over the basics again, to learn them more, for our own knowledge, in order to better share with non-believers, and to remind us of the reasons to praise Him.

Our home group has decided this summer to read Mere Christianity as a supplement to the Essentials being preached on Sunday morning.  C.S Lewis' radio talks from the 1940's are collected together to form this book, where he is arguing the truth of Christianity.  This truth transformed him from an atheist to one of the most respected Christian authors of our time.  I have enjoyed his book more than I ever would have imagined.  He is surprisingly non-divisive, not to mention brilliant and funny at the same time.

My hope this summer is that I take the time to put my own ideas aside, to learn who God really is, who He reveals himself to be in His word.  Not who I think He is, not who various denominations have told us He is, but God as He actually is.  The more I study His word, the more I realize that what He wants from His followers is so much different than what most of us are willing to give.  I am challenged by His word, I am learning that he would rather have me feeding the hungry than attending another Bible study, loving the lonely rather than planning another family activity, and fighting for the oppressed rather than arguing with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: "I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God." That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronising nonsense about His being a great moral teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.” -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

*If you're interested in doing this study it is available, along with any other bible study our church offers, online to be downloaded for free here.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Summer Goals

I love summer and I live in Texas, I'm weird like that.  I accept that beginning in April and ending in October I will be sweaty and gross and a little smelly, I stop fighting it and try to enjoy the heat, and you know what it works.  There are so many things I love about summer, even if it does mean two showers a day.  I love more time outdoors, grilling dinner, beach trips, summer dresses, tans!, sunlight, and days that seem to go on and on (in a good way).

I also love summer in that way that High school students love summer, months stretched before you to take a break and do nothing.  The days of doing nothing left me so long ago I actually don't remember what that feels like, but I look forward to the slower pace of summers all the same.  I have less things on my calendar, less is expected of me, so I always have big dreams of all I'm going to accomplish each summer.  Dreams that are crushed come September when I realize I let the days get away from me and haven't accomplished a single thing.

No more, my friends.  This summer I made goals, and I wrote them down, AND I'm going to write them down here in public to hopefully spur me on to accomplish something these next few months.  Got any goals for the summer, I'd love to hear them, comment some of your goals or better yet write your own post and leave the link in the comments.

2011 Summer Goals:

1. Read five of the non-fiction books I have been meaning to read forever.  I am currently reading Mere Christianity (more on that soon) the other four will come from the following list I've got going.  Radical, No Biking in the House w/o a helmet, Organized Simplicity, Year of Plenty, One Thousand Gifts, Shepherding a Child's Heart, Bringing up Boys, Bringing up Girls.

2. Read four books for fun.  Got any ideas, lay em on me!

3. Get my computer time under control, set up a plan/schedule of rules for healthy computer usage.

4. Greatly related to #3, get back into the routine and then habit of spending time DAILY in God's word as well as continued prayer throughout the day.

5. Get together with several friends I haven't seen in the past few months.

6. Finish organizing our study, and set up a workable work area for me.

7. Hang the various wall hangings throughout the house that have been bought in the past six months.

8. Complete my sewing projects.  (That is the funniest sentence I've ever typed, but I'm serious, really, kind of, no I have to get it done!)

9. Goals for teaching Jack:
*Potty trained.  This has to happen this summer or I suddenly become a homeschooler and need to add some more goals and books to my summer :)
*Begin to write his name
*Work on counting to 10

10. Goals for teaching Kylynn:
*Know all letters and the sounds they make
*Count to 20, write numbers 1-10
*be able to swim

So what about you any summer goals?