Olympics 2008

Watching the Olympics has been rather difficult this year and for a while I couldn't figure out what in the world is wrong with me.  Why has it been so different from the Olympics of 2008, why am I not enjoying it as much as I used to, and why in the world have I not heard a word the announcer has said.  Then it dawned on me, the last time the summer Olympics was on I had a two year old, only, one child, who went to bed no later than seven, every single night, took two to three hour naps every day, and slept through the entire night, every night.

I keep reflecting on how much a life can change in four years because today as I try to watch my beloved Olympics my life is some chaotic (wonderful) version of that life times three.  Back in the day Michael Phelps never doubted he would win a swimming event and I cleaned my house, I mean for real busted out the dusting liquid and toilet brush, every single Friday (I find this the most unbelievable memory).  I experienced real silence in my own home on a regular basis, and had no trouble hearing what the announcer was saying about the life of the Russian gymnasts.

I didn't own a DVR back then (though I'm sure they existed, I'm always about 5 years behind technology), but it was no problem I put my angelic child to bed each night and settled down to watch one of the best Olympics ever, live!!  I was tired each morning when I woke up after a short six hours of sleep but it was okay because having one two year old is not exhausting and I could take a 3 hour nap if I wanted to every afternoon.

Me and my one baby in summer of 2008 (I also had short hair back then, oh I miss that haircut!)

My life was calm in 2008, it was clean and it never surprised me.  As I look back I see it was boring and empty and less than it should have been.  Even though I've only heard 15 words on TV during this Olympic games, I can't help but looking around me and thinking, this, this three kids, this dirty house, this people over (again), this dealing with brokenness, this toothpaste on the wall and pee on the carpet, this yelling and flipping off of chairs (darn gymnastics), is a gift.

I used to have a small, quite life, where perfection was the goal and being uptight was the norm, I used to think people with crazy children were bad parents and people with dirty houses were lazy.  God gave me exactly what I needed to mold me into a woman who could better follow after Him, who would desperately need Him, and better love those around me.

He gave me three children, and chaos, and brokenness I never understood, and he used it to strip me down, to begin to remove piece by piece the abilities that I thought I alone had created in myself.  He took me to a place where I would throw my hands up in the air and say, I surrender, I can not do this by myself.  And once I was there He began the (long) journey of putting me back together.  Building a woman who sees perfection as pride, who wonders what God would like me to accomplish in this day, who daily calls out to God for help on how to love/discipline my children, because I fully realize I have no idea what I am doing.

For the Olympics of 2012 my house is a whole lot messier, my kids are a whole lot crazier, and Michael Phelps turns out to be human after all.  But I think it's better this way, we're going to be fine, sometimes gifts are found in the strangest of places and there's always the 200 meter Butterfly.

If it's not a drunk driver, it's a tornado...

we were parked about 15 feet in front of this grain elevator during the tornado

This is going to sound like I'm making this up and frankly it feels too big for me to talk about, but it must be said, I owe it to God to testify of how He provided. Last week we left for our family vacation to the beach and on that day we survived being hit by a drunk driver (unfortunately our car was not so lucky) and a tornado, 8 hours apart, in the same day.

When I went back a few days later and looked over our car with the mechanic I kept looking at that seat where my oldest sat, looking at the damage all around her and yet she was not harmed, I was so humbled by God's goodness and His mercy, I can't quite comprehend how it is that people live through things like this everyday and manage to remain turned away from God.

The tornado, well, it seems like a really bad dream, after the accident when we finally got back on the road we drove through horrible storms, and suddenly the storm became something more. When Kyle sent me the report that confirmed that indeed the most terrifying 20 minutes of my life, was us sitting inside of an actual tornado, I felt like it must change me.  Can I live through something like that and be the same person as I was before? So I'm trying, to remember what He spoke to me after the calm that finally came, I am not in control, not now, not ever, and that is okay. My God is bigger than the storms of this world and He never lets me out of His hands.  It calms me when I allow life to become bigger than it is, to remind myself that God was there in the storm, that He allowed this to happen and nothing was ever out of His control.  If I can trust Him in that moment then I think I can trust him with the broken car moments of this life.

we got to see a turtle rescue group release the turtles back into the ocean, totally made me cry :)

We made it to the beach, about 11 hours after we left for it, grateful for the things that really matter in life, with a different perspective on life around us. God provided a woman who made it her job that day to take care of us, providing us with food and entertainment for our kids and a way to work things out, a man who had never met us to happily drive us an hour away to borrow a car from family willing to sacrifice for our vacation. I have never felt so cared for, so much a part of something bigger than myself.

From then on out it was just a great vacation, hanging out on the beach, playing in the pool, visiting the aquarium and eating yummy food. Kyle got up with the kids every single morning, and each day there was a breakfast waiting for me. I never spent a moment worrying about what was waiting us when we returned, I just relaxed, and enjoyed, and mostly stopped to pay attention to what was going on around me, to pause long enough to say thank you.

Learning to parent, the hard way

For the past three weeks (I cannot believe it's been three weeks since my last post!) I have emerged myself in all things parenting, all things parenting differently than I had been.  I took what I'd read from the first 100 pages or so of Parenting... and the first 30 pages of The Connected Child, mixed them with about 8 minutes of a parenting coach's advice (thanks Shannan!) and came out with my new made up way to try and do something different, anything different really, it was time to make some changes around here, something had to give.

Then I began to ask for prayer, I asked my bible study to pray for me, I asked my church to pray for me and may have even have received some prayers from some of you sweet people out there, because if there is one thing I know it is this: I cannot do anything worth doing out of my own strength.  I have felt those prayers this week in such a big way, and that, more than anything I have done that has given me such hope.  I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing, am sure that books should probably be read all the way through, and know that I could benefit from a lot more than 8 minutes of parenting coaching, but I see God at work in our family right now and there's nothing that makes me more excited than watching God work.

I had a lot of room for improvement when it came to the way I parent my children.  One of the biggest blessings in this challenge God is leading me through is this: if I had birthed all three of my children, I doubt that I would ever have taken the time and energy to stop and take a good look at the way I mother my children.  To stop and pay attention to His small voice asking for something more from me.  I would have been okay with mediocre, with doing what everyone else does.  I would have continued to pat myself on the back that I really, really LOVE my kids and bonus I take them to ChickFilA, the library, the park, and fun trips all the time.

God has been nudging my heart for a very long time about my tendency to yell at my kids, my misaligned priorities (that say getting things done is more important than truly being with my kids), my justifying the wasting of time on pinterest/blogs/facebook, the perfection that often is the source of the decisions I make and the rules I impress on my (very young) children.  I didn't listen, I heard Him and I occasionally felt bad about it, but I never took significant steps to change my behavior.

And then one day I encountered such hurt and loss and anger in the actions of one of the loves of my life, that no matter how I tried (oh how I tried!) the status quo was not going to work anymore.  In fact my parenting was making things worse,  I finally gave up and was willing to try submitting to God's leading.

The funny thing is I always thought I was parenting the way a Christian mother should.  Discipline is my main game, I am consistent to a fault, if you do something wrong in my house, there is a consequence.  I spend countless minutes putting people in time out, disciplining them for screaming in time out/leaving time out, talking to them about why they were in time out.  I have taken everything out of one of my child's rooms for breaking one of their things (on purpose), I have had kids clean cars, pick up dog poop, skip activities, go to bed early, you name it I've tried it. But I have a secret, when I sin, I want grace, I want God to look at my heart and see that I was doing the best I could for the maturity I am at, I want Him to pick up the broken pieces and make everything better.  And He does.  My Daddy God, who is everything good, is slow to anger and quick to listen, He looks at my heart and His mercies are new every morning, He extends grace to me for so long before He disciplines.  And more than anything He desires a very real relationship with me, one He sacrificed everything to have with me.  I have never parented my children the way God parents me.

So I decided that it was time to give it a try, the first thing I did was gave up yelling, gave it up like the bad drug it was, oh don't worry I still fall off the wagon from time to time, but I feel like a new woman (mommy).  It's the coolest thing when you lower your voice when a child makes a bad choice and raise it when they make a good choice (this was my main take away from the parenting coach) two things are accomplished, you stop rewarding bad behavior and you stop getting angry.  Let me clarify, when my child is mad at me and pushes my buttons and I yell they are rewarded, they're game worked, that got the reaction they were going for and that reinforces the behavior.  And the bonus that I didn't expect, when I don't yell, I don't get angry, I feel so much calmer throughout the day.

The second thing I've been doing is so much harder, I began to actually pay attention to my children, each one, everyday.  Let me just continue my run for mom who makes all other moms feel better about themselves, until recently I never played with my children.  Okay I would play with them on occasion for a few minutes, but I wasn't really giving them all of my attention.  I had decided that I didn't really need to play with my children, after all I am with them every single moment of every single day :).  I do the dishes they play around me, I read a magazine they play outside, I drive them to some fun activity while I pretend to listen to their very long story, I talk to the other moms, while they do the fun activity.  Isn't that enough?  No, I've decided, it's really not.  My children need my real attention, they need me to look them in the eye, not glance at them while I'm on the computer and tell them to just wait one more quick minute.  They want me to get on the floor and play trucks or barbies and they need it just like they need healthy food.

This has been hard for me, first because I thought that playing with them wasn't "fun" and second because I thought I didn't have enough time.  And yet, the more time I spend truly playing with them, the more I enjoy it, the more I am amazed by their ideas, and their intelligence, by their hearts and their fears.  When it comes to time, you have the time you have, it's up to you what you do with it, so I've stopped wasting so much of it.  I've been spending much less time on the computer, I haven't put on make up except for church in two weeks, and my house is perhaps messier than usual (not sure if that last one is possible).  I am convinced that if I will trust God with my time, give it all over to Him and honor Him in how I use it He will return it to me in abundance, He will accomplish what needs to be accomplished, I need only to obey.

And you?  How's it going, please keep up the great advice, I am certain I cannot do this on my own.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much lately but....

You would think after four years of blogging, I would be good at this, I would have crossed over the threshold into blogs that will stand the test of time.  Well maybe you wouldn't, but I think those things.  But as of late I have been a horrible blog slacker and it scares me, because this blog is pretty much the only outlet I have.  Writing is the one activity (that I do!) that I enjoy and is purely for me, it's one of the few (non-mommy) things that I feel like I am *somewhat* good at.

But all hope is not lost, we are allowed seasons in our lives, right?  And we can learn from our mistakes and make better choices next time, so they tell us at least.  I have a lot of good reasons and some pitiful ones to blame for my lack of blogging lately.  In no particular order I give you my "I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much lately but..."

I have three kids, ok the lady who just gave birth to her 7th over at Vitafamiliae still manages to blog everyday, but I have yet to figure out her secret.  As it is my children fill up my day to overflowing and often fill up parts of the night.

They invited Pinterest.  At the end of a long day (are the days ever short?) if I want to veg I am no longer limited to checking on the blogs I love, I can click over to Pinterest and see what they're pinning.   After getting sucked in I leave feeling like my eyeballs are going to fall out from staring at a screen that long.  When I'm done the last thing I want to do is do something else on the computer.

I am questioning how much I should be sharing about our life, our struggles with our children, and what we do on a regular basis with the whole world (because you know the whole world is reading :).  But as they get older I sometimes want to tell you this crazy/horrible/hilarious thing they did and think but would they want that up on the internet for all to know, probably not.  So that leaves me just confused enough to throw my hands up in the air and click over to Pinterest instead.

I joined facebook.  It has not been the time suck that people warned me about, but still it's one more thing that I put before checking in over here in blogland.  In addition sometimes when I'm really excited about something, like getting our IRS refund after 10 months of fighting I share it there instead of here and once out of my head I forget all about it and am left thinking I have nothing to blog about.

I am tired in a way I've never been before.  We are all still adjusting around here to being a family of five, to the challenges and stresses adoption can bring to a family.  This past year I have learned so very much about my inadequacies, about my need for a community to help me on this road, about what it means to rejoice in suffering.  I have found some great books, some great friends, some great support and I know that God will provide everything we need for this journey but that doesn't change how much it takes out of me each day.

So those are my excuses, both the good and bad, and some others have been kept quiet, lest you get sick of my complaining (I'm working on it :).  But one of my goals for 2012 (it's something I plan on blogging about soonish...) is to return to blogging two times a week, because this blog is important to me for many reasons.  Top of the list is you, the people who come here a read my attempts at writing and most especially those of you who have reached out to me and become real life friends who were my first support group and to this day some of my favorite people.

Let the break begin

Spring break started a little early around here, the kids don't have school on Fridays, it's rainy and cold, so I declared it pajama day.

One of Jack's friends gave him the coolest birthday gift ever, a fort kit (apparently you can find this on pinterest, of course :)  We got the fort up, which is difficult for moms, but I got it figured and and we let the fun begin.

The kids are watching Milo and Otis, eating popcorn and drinking lemonade, and it's only 11 in the morning.  I'm trying my best to slow down this week, to not yell, to be with my kids, to let some of the chores go.

Chloe perhaps has different goals in mind, as she can't seem to stop hitting/pinching/poking the big kids.  She also threw her popcorn all over the floor.  But I'm trying to remember she's only one and perhaps some attention from me might help with these behaviors.

I'm going to get on pinterest later today and plan out some fun things we can do this week.  How about you, what are you doing for spring break?  And if you have any ideas for me, I would love to hear them, creative I am not :).

Googling symptoms (bad), reading (good), and my friend Pandora

* I've been reading an amazing book lately called, Parenting your Internationally adopted child by Patty Cogen, it's really relevant to my children and frankly I should have read it before Jack came home and be re-reading it now to refresh, live and learn.  Anyways, it's making me see some of my children's behavior in completely different ways.  The other day Chloe threw a fit when I gave her lunch and no matter what I offered, something different to eat, to get down, keep eating, she was hysterical.  The words in the book kept coming back to me and I felt so defeated that I couldn't comfort her or anticipate her needs, I stated to fear we haven't made as much progress as I had thought.  And then she threw up all over me and was happy again.  I've never been so happy to be thrown up on :).

image credit

*I listen to my Pandora station every night while I cook dinner, throw in a glass of wine and it almost makes cooking while three children scream/beg for food/hit each other over the head worth it.  But it helps, that's for sure.  I've had this station for a few years and it's really on the ball with playing music I like.  But the other night, they played some song that I didn't like so I hit the "thumbs down" button and was sure the next one would be one I had already approved, but no it was another song that I didn't like and instead of hitting the "thumbs down" button I just left it alone.  It occurred to me later, that I have begun to think of Pandora as someone with feelings and I just couldn't stand to hurt her (his?) feelings by disliking two of it's songs in a row.  Perhaps I need to get out more.

*In other news of being an overly anxious mommy, yesterday Chloe had purple lips in the morning after we got home from running some errands.  I started to decide it was no big deal, then thought well I might as well google it (always a bad decision).  It told me some possibilities and to look at her finger tips and tongue.  Her fingertips were fine but her tongue and mouth was also purple!  I decided that it was officially she is not getting enough oxygen and maybe there is something wrong with her heart and was just about to make an appointment when I noticed that her teeth were purple too.  That seemed odd, I mean I don't think our teeth need oxygen, then I remembered, she had spent the last hour drinking purple juice!  And I now remind you and myself that one should never google any symptom ever again.

Source: mamalovesfood.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I found this food blog and even though I wasn't hungry, every single recipe made me start to drool.   People following my on pinterest are going to hate me, I pinned about 15 of her recipes in 10 minutes.  You should totally check out, Mama Loves Food, I'm making her baked potato soup (crock pot) recipe as we speak!!  Plus she has a recipe for cinnamon roll cookies, I know right!

*Jack told me the other day, "mommy your my best friend."  And that pretty much made my month.

*I just finished book two in the Hunger Games series and so far, I'm enjoying them, don't get me wrong but I've just not been swept away by them the way people say.  Lost on the other hand is consuming me I'm half way through the last season and I can't decide if I want to not sleep and stay up all night watching them or watch one episode per month so that it will last longer.  I am so sad that it's almost over.

Source: img4.southernliving.com via Leigh on Pinterest

*Did I ever tell you we got our issue with the IRS resolved, we did!!  I got our check a week ago, we're getting some new windows in our old house because currently our windows aren't doing much more than plastic tarp when it comes to being energy efficient.  This is one of the ways to tell that you are old, when buying windows for your home is an exciting purchase and one you put before buying new cell phones.

*And for the grandparents because I love you and I know you love her, here's a video of Chloe being cute, singing me a song from her book.  PS- I'm not sure why I end the video by saying, "goodbye I love you," like I'm getting off the phone with Chloe, I'm just not all here these days and it's my kids' fault.

Modern day machines (the good and bad), teeth, and more on Pinterest

*Can I get a hallelujah for modern day machines.  I am finally finding the time to write because dinner is cooking in the crock pot and bread machine, the washer and dryer are cleaning my clothes, and of course the TV/DVD is babysitting my children.  I feel kind of like superwoman, which makes absolutely no sense because I am doing very little work at the moment.

*Chloe doesn't watch TV yet so she is not actually being babysat, just being ignored, which I will regret later.  Besides climbing and opening doors, she is really into hitting Jack these days.

*I'm making Creamy Chicken and Rice soup for dinner, oh man it looks so good!  Of course I pinned it.

*Jack is no longer being babysat either, due to 1)his decision that all movies (Corduroy is on) are scary, no matter what the topic, he tells me he doesn't want to watch this movie anymore after about 1 minute because it's scary and 2) Chloe and the whole hitting Jack fascination.

*On Saturday I had eaten a really large breakfast and so for lunch I decided to make this really yummy looking smoothie(from Pinterest duh), with spinach and all sorts of berries.  I loaded up about $5 worth of produce into my blender and it died on me, I was so upset at the thought of throwing away all that (expensive) food, that I put it in the fridge.  It's still there and it looks disgusting I really need to throw it out, but then I will have officially wasted all that food.

*Kylynn's first tooth is loose, last night at dinner she started crying about how her tooth was stuck.  I looked at it and it was really loose and bleeding a little.  Kyle and I both were a little freaked out about it (which says so much about us I know) and I realized that once again I've reached a stage in parenting where I have no idea what's happening.  Later that night she used my magnified mirror to check it all out and found that her permanent tooth has already broken through behind it.  If you're a tooth expert, let me know if for some reason that's a problem.

*I was over at a friend's house the other night and I walked in and instantly saw something on her wall and just knew...Pinterest!  But most of the time when I'm with friends and I try to tell them about something I saw on Pinterest (which is sadly often) they're not members and have no idea what I'm talking about.  If my phone wasn't from 1987, I could pull it up and show them, but instead I just say never mind and they're left thinking I need to get a life, which is entirely true.

*I have probably used Wikipedia about 3 times in my life and then today of all days I needed it to look up information on the Lunar New Year and how they celebrate it in Korea, we've never celebrated it and I saw some of my fellow Korea mommies do really cool things with their kiddos so I wanted to this year and of course today they're protesting with a blackout.  Unfortunately with the brain I have these days I will not remember to check back tomorrow.

*I'm sure that there was more randomness that I intended on writing when I sat down, but Chloe has come in every 30 seconds to pull on my arm and then throw herself on the ground in dramatic flair to inform me of her extreme dislike that I am not paying attention to her!  So for now friends I hope you have a great Wednesday, full of randomness, and that you see the beauty in all of it around you.

Oh crap Chloe's got the cookies and some of my pottery and is playing the "drums", peace out!

the 80's, Christmas gifts, and the flu

*Kylynn has the flu.  I feel entirely guilty that I never got around to getting her and I the flu shot, so far the rest of us are well, but I'm fighting the urge to decide that we're all going to get sick Christmas morning.

*When fashion's throwback to the 80's began, I thought it was hilarious, I mean no way was I going to wear that stuff ever again!  Now a couple of years later I have cuffed my jeans, love my aviator sunglasses, rock my skinny jeans, and on Friday I took the ultimate plunge, I bought some leggings which I wore with a long shirt.  If I start crimping my hair please stage an intervention.

*My dog is 10, she pees in my house, I do love her, but it's really getting old, the end.

*Christmas time with 3 small children, is different than Christmas time with 2 small children.  I just can't keep up this year with any of it, and we scaled back Christmas big time this year.  I finished my Christmas cards last night at midnight and was wishing I didn't have any friends so I'd never have to do them again :).

*Are scarfs from the 80's because I wear one almost everyday when it's cold?

*Target makes me happy.  Last Thursday when I was supposed to be packing to leave for a trip, I ran to Target on my way home to get a gift I'd forgotten, and I spent 15 minutes just shopping for me.  I left feeling like I was totally hip now (and of course like I'd just stepped out of the 80's).

*I was so excited about the gifts I got for people this year (it's a long story), but I got lots of them either from thrift stores or from Etsy.  Then Kyle told me that about this article he read that stated a survey that found in regards to gift buying, neither how much thought went into them or how much money spent on them, were the greatest predictors of someone loving their gifts, instead it was whether or not it was on their list.  Uh-oh, I totally did not get a thing on anyone's list, I thought my gifts were so cool and unique but they may just be a big disappointment!

*I'm pretty sure Kyle hasn't gotten me anything yet...I'm kind of understanding the survey now :)

*When women come up to me in stores and compliment my children/remind me to enjoy them, it always makes me cry, I mean I'm not a total freak, I don't start weeping, but it makes me get teary eyed and choked up.  It's very embarrassing that people's kindnesses have such a large effect on me, last time it happened the woman talking to me responded to my emotional state by becoming teary eyed herself, it was all too much!

*I do love living in this town, I know it's not everywhere that people are so kind.

*My most favorite Christmas song right now is, "You're Here" by Francesca Battistelli.  Can you imagine being Mary, holding your baby who is also the Creator of the world.  He could have left us on our own, but He's here, oh it causes me to worship...

A thank you tree

My jaw hurts and I realize I've been clenching it tight, all day long.  The day was long, and everywhere I turn I see the piles of all I've left to do, my life so full of straw and hay it feels empty.  This is the month of Thanksgiving, of thanks giving, of giving thanks and so I am trying to learn, this being content in all things.

I open my copy of One Thousand Gifts and my view begins to change, my hearts understanding the importance of coming into his courts with thanksgiving.  I long to always in all circumstances see and believe that my God is good.  I take up my pen and I write them down, the gifts, "blue sky the color of my love's eyes", "shaking a tablecloth in the front yard, knowing I'm leaving food behind for the birds."

But it's hard to stop and pay attention and there are times where I can't possibly think what it is I am to be thankful for.  He screams in the aisle and I am overwhelmed and I feel like I'm failing at this shaping of the hearts who've have been entrusted to me.  "I was not alone" is the only thing I find to be thankful for in that moment, He was with me, always with me.  And all afternoon it seems small, scribbled in my notebook, "I was not alone", but really isn't that the biggest thing, the thing to be thankful for, that He is with us, always with us.  That He didn't leave us here alone.

And so, the day goes on and there seems to be few and far things in between I can grasp onto and return to Him in thanks.  So I take the one who has furrowed my brow all day long, we go outside and he happily gathers sticks for the "thank you tree."  We walk along together and as he gathers, my shoulders begin to relax.  I look at him and am reminded of the miracle that is my son, and suddenly the tension is gone and I feel the Spirit utters words I've never heard to praise the giver of this great gift.

I find a jar and wipe the cobwebs off the surface, and I feel Him doing the same to my heart.  Beginning to make me clean, using this thanks giving to change my heart, could it be?  We place the sticks in the jar, and they sit barren, empty.  I get the paper, the punch, the pen.  Find the notebook and turn to the page filled with words of thanksgiving.  I punch, and I write and I tie.  As my hands work, punch, write, tie, I feel the cleaning, the filling.  I am making a thank you tree, and with each leaf placed I am practicing over and again, thanksgiving.

Punch, write, tie.  You are a good God.  Punch, write, tie.  A God who gives life.  Punch, write, tie.  An abundant life.  Punch, write, tie.  Who takes us, so barren, and fills us up gift after good gift.  And in the giving thanks we are restored.

I couldn't make this stuff up

photo credit

This is a true story...

April 14th: despite having a new baby for less than three weeks, Kyle completes our taxes and submits them to the IRS.  We claim the remaining balance from Jack's adoption credit, causing us to owe no taxes and be entitled to a refund.  We include with our paperwork the adoption decree from the US court system.

May: we receive a letter from the IRS, stating that they are reviewing our taxes, specifically our adoption credit and will get back to us within 30 days.

June: we receive a letter from the IRS stating that they require further proof of the money spent to adopt Jack.  Not a problem we submit receipts from our biggest expenses (as the adoption credit is for less than the actual costs to adopt a child from South Korea).

July: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us that they received our paperwork and will respond in 30 days.

August: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us that they have opened our mail and will get back to us in 30 days.

September: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us they have yet to have the chance to look at our paperwork but we will hear from them within 30 days.

October: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us that our adoption credit is frozen and we owe the government taxes plus a 20% penalty.  After calling and speaking to a very rude representative Kyle is told that the credit is being denied (frozen) because we did not include our adoption decree with our paperwork we submitted in June.  Kyle tells her that we sent that with our original taxes and it was not requested in June.  She informs him that what we sent back in April is, "on file" and they will not pull something up from file we must resubmit.  Kyle sends in the adoption decree again and just for good measure, Jack's green card, new birth certificate and social security card.

November: we receive a letter from the IRS, stating that they received our paperwork but our adoption credit is to remain frozen, we owe the government taxes plus a 20% penalty.  We are being denied due to the lack of a, "translated foreign adoption certificate."  There is no such paperwork, Korean adoptions cannot be finalized in Korea, you are not allowed to finalize a Korean adoption until six months after you take guardianship, therefore our adoption was legalized in the United States.

I call and somehow manage not to yell at the representative and end up with a knowledgeable and kind woman.  She informs me that this makes no sense to her that we have submitted all the paperwork we need and that the paperwork he is requesting doesn't exist (tell me about it!)  She says she will send the employee in charge of our case a note to call us so that we can explain the situation to him and get this issue resolved.  She says we will hear from him by the end of this week.  We are yet to hear from him.

Here's the good news: God is not surprised by this situation.  God is not frustrated by the IRS's lack of understanding, God is not angry at the man who is refusing to process our adoption credit.  God's got the situation under control, and he's not worried about how it's all going to turn out.

Would you pray for us that God would resolve this situation with the IRS this month, that we would receive our refund, and that we would feel his peace as we deal with it and even manage to be a light to those we interact with while we work it out.  Thank you friends!

I miss nap time!

back in the good ol' days of napping

For a good five years once a day, most every day, I laid down my children one by one, after diapers and potty, putting on pajamas, reading books, for their daily nap.

It didn't matter that they began to protest this need for sleep, or that they reached the age where friends were allowed to go nap free.  Here's the thing, nap time has always been a little bit more about my need for them to nap, than it is about their need to nap.

Over the years it has evolved into "rest time" a time where they don't have to sleep but they do have to rest quietly in their rooms for a period of time, followed by a time of quiet playing.

This concept worked great with Kylynn when she finally outgrew naps (only about a year ago), she was happy to play with her dollhouse, look at books, or "read" in her room making not a peep.  This allowed for nap time to continue without change, the other kiddos could nap without being disturbed and I could have some time to myself to break up my day.

Then Jack reached the magical, I'm not tired age, and unlike his sister he wasn't kidding.  That boy would not fall asleep, not ever, no matter how evident his need for a nap was.  So I of course implemented "rest time" with him.  He would have to stay in his bed and look at books for 20 minutes (he knows when he can get out based on the hands of the clock) and then he could play quietly in his room.

The problem is Jack is not interested in anything that is quiet, anything that involves rest, or spending anytime at all in his bed.  So every. single. day.  I go into his room countless times to deal with the fact that he has gotten out of bed before the set time.  Then when, yippee, play time has come he has this compulsion to open and close his door over and over again, very loudly.  He knows he's not supposed to do it, but I swear sometimes I think he can't help it.

If by chance I decide to lay down and take a nap, I am usually awakened very suddenly after a very short nap by a slamming door, if I manage to fall back asleep the whole scene will repeat itself in 90 seconds.  Needless to say this makes me rather angry and puts a damper on my afternoon.  If I decide to stay up and get somethings accomplished I spend so much time going up and down the stairs dealing with Jack, that I get nothing accomplished and again end up angry and in a foul mood for the afternoon.

Either way, I lose, nap time is no longer something I look forward to.  Instead of being a nice time of quiet around the house for us all to rest and prepare for the rest of our day, nap time has become a time to see if we can make mommy lose her mind.

And it's working, there is not much left to this mind of mine....I miss nap time!

A good weekend, even when it wasn't

We had an eventful weekend this past week.  Friday night we went to an ice cream party to say goodbye to our family (ok our friends but y'all get it, right?).  I couldn't sleep that night because I kept writing and re-writing one of my friends a "goodbye letter."  She had planted the seed in my mind and my mind was trying hard to not be devastated, so it wrote letters, over and over.

Saturday morning we had our six month, and final, home visit for Chloe's adoption.  Once the paperwork is complete we can finalize it!  It was bittersweet to say goodbye to our social worker, she has been visiting our family for four and half years, since we applied to begin Jack's adoption up until the finalization of Chloe's.  The whole time she was there I kept thinking, we can't be done here, nope, no way we're done.  Kyle looked at me like a crazy person when I told him that, so alas we might be done, but I've got a feeling that God can work on Kyle's heart if I'm right.

We then went on to run several shopping errands, eat some frozen yogurt at lunch time in order to get in two more stores, and came home to eat late lunches and take long late naps!  This was a happy accident because that night we had a wedding to go to.  Yes that's right, these people actually invited our three small children to their wedding as well :).  It was such a lovely wedding, outside in the country, we ate yummy Mexican food, and the kids were amazing little munchkins.

Sunday after church we decided to go on a bike ride.  We very much want to get back into this habit, but I feel a bit like I'm starting all over again, maybe not square one, but definitely square two.  I have to pull the trailer behind me in order for us all to be able to go on "big" rides again.  So we packed up some water and snacks and headed out.  I hadn't been feeling great that morning so I didn't eat a snack and for some unknown reason didn't drink any water either.  Sunday was much hotter than it had been all week and I am terribly out of shape, so it was a hard ride.

We took a break in the park and Kyle played with all the kids, everyone was having the best time.  It was really truly the perfect day, for awhile at least.  When we got home I was feeling like I needed  to go lay down under the ceiling fan, I had pushed myself hard, so I made the mistake of going in and leaving Chloe outside, with my bike up on it's kickstand.

Next thing I know I hear Kyle run in with Chloe screaming a horrible cry and see blood everywhere.  She had pulled my bike down on her and her teeth had gone through her lip.  It took a while to figure out where she was bleeding from, once we got a look at the cut we decided she needed stitches.  I gave her a popsicle, something I had once read on Vitafamiliae's blog (see blog reading is useful!), to help stop the bleeding in her mouth and Kyle set off for the hospital which is less than a mile from our home.

I was supposed to join him up there as soon as I managed to stop blacking out, remember I'm a fainter, and got something to eat and drink into me and the kids.  While I was running around grabbing things, I noticed Kylynn was sprawled on the arm of the couch moaning.  I went to check on her and she kept saying, it's going to hurt her so bad when they give her stitches.  Then she said, mommy I'm going to throw up.  She never did but as she was hanging out over the toilet, she started to pass out, I carried her over to the couch and got a wet washcloth on her head, and got her to come back around.  So I called Kyle to see what to do and luckily he said Chloe was fine and there was no reason for us to come.

In the end the doctor was able to glue her lip closed and she was not traumatized enough by the experience to stop trying to climb everything in her path.  We could see God's hand at work throughout the ordeal, she was happy to be comforted by Kyle (which is huge, when she was so upset) and he was back in only a couple of hours, so as to still be able to have a normal afternoon and evening.

It was a good weekend, a really good weekend, it reminded me that God is in control and that all things work together for the good to those who love the Lord.

About those goals...

You may recall back at the beginning of June I made some goals of things to accomplish this summer.  I'm a planner, a list maker, and I love to have some goals that I'm striving for, but I'm also a mom to three whose is currently really proud of herself if the kids get a bath every other night and the dishes stay done.  So there will be no guilt here for things left undone, I just wanted to see how I did.

Here were the goals I set, anything I accomplished I crossed off and the bold are my comments on how it went,

1. Read five of the non-fiction books I have been meaning to read forever.  I am currently reading Mere Christianity (more on that soon) the other four will come from the following list I've got going.  Radical, No Biking in the House w/o a helmet, Organized Simplicity, Year of Plenty (half way done), One Thousand Gifts, Shepherding a Child's Heart, Bringing up Boys, Bringing up Girls (2/3 of the way done).  Three out of five ain't too bad, I'll take it!  I will continue to read through this list along with several great books on adoption, orphans, and attachment that I found on Amazon.

2. Read four books for fun.  Duh, this one was a no-brainer, I'm sure I read twice that many, a favorite for those of you who are looking for a good book, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

3. Get my computer time under control, set up a plan/schedule of rules for healthy computer usage.  I've got nothing to show for this one, I need to roll it over into my school year goals I guess.

4. Greatly related to #3, get back into the routine and then habit of spending time DAILY in God's word as well as continued prayer throughout the day.  This one continues to be one I struggle with I did well for a while then fell out of the habit, then spent the rest of the summer having a dedicated "quite time" about 3-4 times a week, again I need to roll this over into my school year goals.

5. Get together with several friends I haven't seen in the past few months.  I was so proud of myself I actually saw a ton of different friends this summer, I need to keep that up!

6. Finish organizing our study, and set up a workable work area for me.  I am stuck on this one, I would like to purchase a sort of work space table from IKEA that will be perfect for this space and Kyle is in no hurry to drive over to a city 2 hours away for a piece of furniture, so for now my work space is frustratingly unorganized.

7. Hang the various wall hangings throughout the house that have been bought in the past six months.  Nope, not this one either, however I did buy more things to hang on walls, so we can spend even more time figuring out where everything goes :).

8. Complete my sewing projects.  (That is the funniest sentence I've ever typed, but I'm serious, really, kind of, no I have to get it done!)  Y'all I should have a party to celebrate this.  I put a backing on the curtains in Chloe's room and made 4 of the 8 pillows I needed to make BUT they were so easy I will finish the next 4 in a one night sitting soon.

9. Goals for teaching Jack:
*Potty trained.  This has to happen this summer or I suddenly become a homeschooler and need to add some more goals and books to my summer :)
*Begin to write his name.  I was aiming too high here, I should have written begin to write (as in scribble and this he did begin to do this summer).
*Work on counting to 10.  He's got 1,2,3,4,7,8,9 just need to fill in the middle :)

10. Goals for teaching Kylynn:
*Know all letters and the sounds they make
*Count to 20, write numbers 1-10
*be able to swim.  I totally failed on this one, I never even call the swim instructor to set up lessons, our summer was really that crazy, next summer.


Now I wish I would have put on my list, watch obnoxious amounts of Lost, check!  And in an amazing turn of events paint our entire den, check!


How about you, what'd you accomplish this summer and what are your goals for the school year, or do does the word "goal" make you think of Mia Hamm?

The beginning of the next 13 years

Today was day one of a new stage of our lives, the school years.  Kylynn had her first day of Kindergarten today.  Of all the milestones I've reached in my life this is the first where I just can't believe I'm here already, time is slipping through my fingers faster than I can catch it.

When she walked into my bathroom in her brand new "first day of school" dress, I saw her take a big breath, and I knew just what she was feeling, here we go!

She was ready, has been ready, so there were no tears shed by anyone this morning, except for Jack, she walked into that room and never even turned around.  All day long I couldn't shake the odd feeling that, I have no idea what she's doing right now.  How I longed to be a fly on the wall and just watch her for a few minutes, was she making friends, was she having fun, was she understanding the lesson in class.

She came home excited, sure that she will LOVE Kindergarten, school, reading, her teacher, her friends.  She brought with her, her first book she could read, "Mat", now that's fast progress :), then she scarfed down some lunch and quickly fell asleep.  I had to wake her up after two hours, I guess all the emotions of her first day wore her out, I was so glad we chose a half day Kindergarten.

Kylynn Fay, I was so proud of you today, so proud to be your mommy.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you this year, these school years, this life He's given you.  I pray that you will grow in wisdom and stature, and favor with God and men, I pray that you will someday give up this life you've been given so that you can truly live.

Whatnot Wednesday (picture edition)

What Kyle does for fun, part two

Chloe already knows how to wash the dishes, made a huge mess but was extra cute

Jack weed-eating, I'm sure Daddy is counting down the days till it's for real!

The water rocket, it was fun, but the heat made me go in early

what to do when it's 100 degrees at 10 in the morning?

being sprayed with water wasn't her favorite

a doughnut date with Daddy

I had no idea she was old enough for this type of thing, good Christmas gift ideas

Elizabeth, this one's for you, me with my socks on my hands for pre-school graduation

In my search for my first day of Kindergarten pictures I found these, first day of 1st grade (and 1st day of pre-school for my sisters).  My youngest sister on the left is cracking me up with that pose and look on her face :).