Love that Sticks

It was in the days leading up to Jack's cleft palate surgery, he had just turned one, and I was overwhelmed, terrified, and physically ill because of my anxiety.  I have a strong fear of doctor appointments, hospitals, blood, basically everything that had or would consume the weeks leading up to and following his surgery.

I was on my way to an appointment with the plastic surgeon and I was crying and couldn't seem to get a grip, I prayed some pitiful prayer, "help, I can't do this, and I think I'm freaking out."  My immediate answer, the voice on the radio began to sing to me, "why are you striving these days.  Why are you trying to earn grace.  Why are you crying.  Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away."*  I felt God place His hands on my face, my chin raised and I could see something besides my own fear.  He calmed me as He spoke to my heart through the words of a song, my shoulders relaxed and my heart stopped hurting.

"Why are you looking for love.  Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough.  To where will you go child, tell me where will you run.  To where will you run."*  Why had I (why do I always) try to carry around my burdens, when He was always waiting for me to hand them over.  Why is it that I so easily forget that His grace is enough.

"And I'll be by your side, where ever you fall.  In the dead of night, whenever you call.  And please don't fight these hands that are holding you.  My hands are holding you."*  I had spent the past months thrashing about in these safe arms longing to just hold me, calm me,  and whisper how much I am loved.  I had chosen independence over dependence on Him and it had made me sick.

"Look at these hands and my side, they swallowed the grave on that night, when I drank the world's sin.  So I could carry you in and give you life, I want to give you life."*  Life, He longs to give me life, life in abundance.  He is already victorious over death over the storms of this life.  He's got this under control,  and He will take care of me, of Jack, of everything.

I wiped the tears away and walked into that waiting room like a new person.  Jack had his surgery a week later and Kyle and I spent the hours in the waiting area saturated with peace.  I had finally allowed Him control, I had finally cast my cares upon Him, I had tasted and known that the Lord is good, and it changed my life.

I love the radio station, KSBJ for many reasons, but mainly because when life is causing me to freak out again, God is able to use this station, their music and their DJs to help me to re-focus on him.  Right now they are doing the "Love that Sticks" campaign for Valentine's day and I knew that I had to take part.  God reminded me how He can speak through a song, a quote, a note, without the author every knowing they're being used, to calm someone, to heal a heart, to bring long sought peace.

So I spent the morning putting up sticky notes in the buildings we visited, the hospital and Target.  And I felt part spy/part Jesus freak :), and 100% joyful!  If you have anywhere to go today or tomorrow I encourage you to participate, just take a post-it note write an encouraging message or scripture on it and include on the bottom: "lovethatsticks.com"  Stick it wherever you feel led, who knows what God could use your note to accomplish in someone's life.



Love That Sticks Listener Testimonies from 89.3 KSBJ on Vimeo.

*all quotes are from "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North

Try, try again

I have a bit of trouble with patience, not to mention worry, and doubt, so it shouldn't have surprised me when I began to feel like Jack's speech therapy was doomed a full three sessions in.  Yes, I am that short sighted.  After three sessions he hadn't made any progress (uh duh!) and didn't want to practice with me, so I began to let my head wander, what if...

Today Jack had his fourth session, he goes twice a week, and he mastered where to place his tongue to say the "d" sound, not only that he was excited to show me where he puts his tongue and practice making that sound.  It was a good day!

This is the third speech therapist I've experienced and I want to encourage other moms out there, if you think your therapist is not doing a good job, go find another one!  Especially if your child was born with a cleft, find someone who understands how to work with children with clefts.  We have found an amazing therapist and she is night and day better than the first one we experienced.  Jack loves going so much he thinks it's is bi-weekly fun play day.  She told me today that he so smart that if she tries to just pull out the flash cards, he says oh no!  So she's found all these neat ways to trick him into therapy, love that lady!

Next time I begin to decide all is hopeless after a few times of trying with my kids can someone please remind me that learning takes time and patience is virtue.  I think I will especially need this reminder, perhaps several times a day, when potty training Jack.

Contentment

I spent the afternoon talking to our pediatrician, talking about Jack even though it was Kylynn's appointment, we were chatting about great pastors and listening to their sermons, we were talking about new research on cleft lips, we were talking about doing this adoption thing all over again, and what I can handle, what our family can handle and what our kids can handle.

He is a dear man, whom I adore, but I know that although he understands my love for God, he does not understand my love for adoption.  He gave me advice on looking over an assigned child's medical records and new research on children born with a cleft and what that could potentially mean for our next child, he wanted me to look at this rationally, to separate my self, my heart, from the process, and consider the science.  He is a doctor, that's what doctors do, they make decisions based on the latest science.

I started to answer him, to tell him the truth.  To tell him that I can't do what he wants me to do, I believe that God will assign us our child and I will not turn my back on my child.  Out loud I only nodded and said I would try.  I didn't think I could make him understand how terribly difficult it is to be given a picture, a small life story, a name and say, 'no'.  I know people do it, but I don't know how.  How does one refuse a life being offered to them?

Just like when a woman becomes pregnant, I do not know what my child will be like, and though I feel like I have less control than a woman giving birth, I know that's not true.  So I trust and I pray, I pray for our child's protection in his first mother's womb, I pray for the choices she makes, I pray for ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes.  And I wait for when it is my turn to say the yes out loud that I said long ago to the Lord, when I chose to allow Him to be the one to add children to our lives.  When I gave in to Him, when I said yes to allowing His plan for my life, my children, my family to unfold, I finally found contentment.  There is such peace in knowing that I am not in control, that I can follow the lead of the One who has a good and perfect plan for my life, that I have traded in my dreams for something so much better.

Deep Breath

We had to wait in the dentist's office for 35 minutes before Jack got called back. The longer we waited the more anxious I became, I don't like dentist appointments, I especially don't like dentist appointments for my two year old, I really really don't like dentist appointments for my two year old to check on that spot that I just know is a cavity.

I was wrong, it was a stain, not a cavity. He told me the news and I skipped from the dentist's office as happy as can be. I drove home on a high, I took Jack out of his car seat and we played happily. I went inside to make lunch and suddenly I realized, there's another doctor's appointment today about another surgery. The lightness was replaced with a heaviness, and I started to fear again.

I let it linger for a moment, then rearranged my thinking. Remembered the beautiful day, the great doctors that have done such wonderful things for our son, the fact that this next surgery should be much more minor than the first and remembered to breathe deep. Breathe in, 1,2,3 hold, 1,2,3, breathe out, 1,2,3. Then I ate a quesadilla and felt much better. God will be handling all of my and Jack's problems and He doesn't need my help. Deep breath, Jenny, and don't forget about that chocolate you've got in the kitchen.

Prayer request for Jack

Would y'all say a quick prayer for Jack. He is going to have tubes put into his ears again, and I'm praying that God would work out the details for him to be able to have some work done on his mouth at the same time.

Pray that his plastic surgeon is available for a surgery date, soon! The ENT doesn't want Jack to have to wait for tubes because of the negative effect his ears are having on his hearing and speech. Also pray that the audiologist would be available that same day for a hearing test that can only be done when under anesthesia. In summary, that God would work out all the details for the surgeries to coincide and He would guide these doctors as they operate on him again.

Thank you for your prayers. My Jack would not be who he is today were not for all of you praying on his behalf.

The blessing of health insurance

Health insurance is the big topic in the news and boy do I know just how important it is. The first year Jack was home we were seeing some type of doctor an average of 1 to 2 times a week. He's seen at least 8 different specialists to check out a variety of potential problems. When he had his cleft palate surgery, he was operated on by three different doctors, for three different things, and spent 3 or 4 days (I can't remember now!) in the hospital.

The medical bills would have broke us, except that we have medical insurance. We are greatly blessed, to have medical insurance. This is the third company we've had medical insurance through since getting married, and it is night and day, folks. We now have Blue Cross Blue Shield, and I want to invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner, I love them so much.

We have payed out so little money on all those appointments and surgeries it's ridiculous. We had to get a doctor approved to do one of Jack's surgery, that was out of network, and we didn't know that until the night before the surgery, but it was no problem, it was approved without a hitch. We have had to call them to add a child who we did not have a social security number or birth certificate for because they were adopted as well as later change that child's name because we had finalized the adoption. I've had to call them about bills that were paid as out of network when I thought they should be in network.

And here's the part where you gasp...I have never gotten bad service. I have always talked to someone who was amazing professional, knowledgeable, and genuinely friendly. They always ask how Jack's doing, about our adoption, tell me their own stories, and manage to pass the time like I'm talking to an old friend.

So today I did something I've never done before, I asked to talk to their manager so that I could tell them what a great job they did. The woman was shocked and told me how much she really needed that today, and ended up making my day that I could make her day.

Ever get great service...you know the opposite of the service I got with Verizon...tell the manager, if we don't who knows, we may soon never have anyone treat us with respect or worse never talk to an actual human again.

Eyes

We traveled to Temple yesterday for Jack to see a pediatric Ophthalmologist, and the trip went really well and there was only good news. Although Jack does have a slight appearance of having crossed eyes (there's a fancy medical term), he doesn't actually have crossed eyes. They also used a machine to see if he needed glasses (for the life of me I can't imagine how that works) and his eye sight is pretty good, although he may need glasses to see the board when he starts school, which the doctor said is very common for Asian people-I never knew that.

While we were driving home I looked at Kyle and said, God really did answer my bigger than life prayer when we learned Jack was our son, that he would heal any medical problems that he may have. We went from thinking that there was potential for several health problems to a perfectly healthy little boy, I stand amazed.

We'll go back in a few months for them to make sure that they still don't see any evidence of crossed eyes.

A heavy load

I used to read about God's people in the Bible, the Jewish people, and think what is wrong with those people, how can they be so disobedient, how can they have such little faith, they forget so quickly.

Now, I read it and it brings me comfort, because so often I have become exactly like the Jewish people in the Bible, doubting God just days after he performed a miracle in my life, or deciding I can really get through my days without Him because after all I'm busy and I'm pretty good at controlling my life.

If I was to walk you through our adoption story (most of which you can read throughout this blog) any fool would tell you God's hand was upon this journey. Every single thing we prayed for God took care of. It was as if He said, "Look, ALL I want from you is to obey Me, I will take care of EVERYTHING else." And He did.

So how is it that, every time the next thing comes up in this journey I can forget all I've learned and decide to take it upon myself to handle this problem.

Jack is doing great, he is healthy and thriving, he is walking, talking, and happy as can be. The only problem in his health now is his size, he is 15 months old now and according to the growth chart is the size of an average 7 month old. This is not entirely unexpected, after all he did have a cleft palate for the first 13 months of his life, has had his world turned upside down in the last six months, and was little when he was born. But being a mom, I find myself obsessing over this so-called problem (although the doctor does not even call it that), I take it upon my shoulders to fix it. I am constantly thinking about how much (or little as the case may be) food he's eaten, comparing him to every child his age we meet, and wondering if there is something I should be doing differently.

The other night I had worried myself into exhaustion as I lay in bed trying to sleep I felt like there was an elephant on my chest. I finally remembered who could actually take care of this situation and began to pray. The Lord spoke to me in a story to help me to see the situation more clearly, this is what He showed me.

I was walking in some kind of airport, carrying just enough baggage that I was able to do it, but was bent over under the weight, walking at a snail's pace. My heavenly father walked up to me and said, "May I please carry that baggage for you".

I responded without thinking, the way I've been trained to reply, "No, I can do it". "My dear daughter," he responded, "it would make Me glad if you would allow me to carry your baggage." "No" I said, "Look around us, there are people everywhere with way more baggage than me, go help those people, they really need You."

He smiled at me a loving smile without condemnation and said, "I am strong enough to carry all of my children's baggage, it is no trouble for Me." I ignored Him and kept walking, until something on the ground that I didn't see tripped me up. I fell to the ground, and once there was no longer able to get up. All the baggage was weighing me down and it was impossible to stand up with them draped all over my shoulders and back.

He walked over to me, picked up all my baggage one by one, then bent down and picked me up too. As we set off, I felt firmly grounded for the first time in weeks. The elephant was off my chest and peace filled me. I finally realized that indeed I could not do it all by myself and fell asleep safely in my Father's arms.

.

Unfortunately, I will again go and take that baggage back from the Lord, sure that I indeed need to be in control, but I remember that dream He gave me and I hand them back over and know that all I have to do is obey, He will take care of everything else.

Please pray for me that I do not allow Jack's height/weight to become my latest worry and also for Jack to eat well and grow to a healthy height and weight.

Look Mom, hands!

I am a week late in updating y'all on Jack. Jack was given permission to take his arm bands off, he is still only allowed to eat soft foods and cannot have anything to play with that he could possibly get to the roof of his mouth, but certainly this is better. He was so excited to take the arm bands off, he spent about 5 minutes just looking at his hands and arms and moving them around as if to say, "Look Mom, I've got new hands!" I can never tell you how much your prayers and support for Jack and the rest of us during his surgery means to me, but I'll try :)

After just one week of the arm bands, my nerves were really starting to fray. Jack had been fussy, a lot. And since he is one, he cannot tell me what exactly is wrong, did he hurt if so where (he had a few surgeries at once) or is he uncomfortable, hungry (he wasn't eating great), tired (he wasn't sleeping great)? It was a Thursday morning and I was driving Kylynn to "school" at our church. And I was doing everything in my power to keep it together, I was sleep deprived, and Jack had had another fussy morning. I remember driving and saying something to the affect of, "God, help me. I cannot handle this. I'm losing it right now and I can't lose it at Kylynn's school."

I walked into our church and hear my pastor calling my name, he comes over to see how Jack is doing and tell me he's been praying for us (I had no idea he knew about the surgery), then one after another people came up to me to tell me they've been praying for us, I had never told these people about Jack's surgery, and I was overcome with a peace and gratitude. God answered my prayer so perfectly right when I needed it. He reminded me that I am not alone, that all these people love Jack and me and our praying his protection over us. Your prayers have literally kept me from losing it :)!

It won't be the last time God has to remind me to trust Him, to allow Him to have control, to give my troubles back to Him and stop carrying them around myself. But hopefully my faith and trust is growing as I watch Him carry me through another trial.

We are now focusing on Jack's size, he is quite small for his age and I am working with a nutritionist and a speech therapist to help him grow and learn to use his new mouth. The poor thing has gotten 3 or 4 new teeth in the last week, including molars, so he's still not feeling great, but this too shall pass. He has actually embraced some more solid foods much quicker than I anticipated, God again is answering my prayers in big ways. He's eaten refried beans, mashed potatoes, several cereals, pieces of sandwiches, and some string cheese. This is a big deal for me and I am praising God for this.

He is such a blessing to us. I have got to feel that complete joy again this week as he's begun taking his first steps!

An interruption or two

I love nurses. When I was in the hospital giving birth to Kylynn, I was overwhelmed by the way they cared for me and my baby. I always generally thought that nurses have a worthwhile profession. It wasn't until I was the patient that I realized, they are in fact the greatest determinant in how fast you recover and how good you feel. They are amazing.

However, this last hospital stay was so horrible that it was funny. The nurses, nurse techs, doctors, and various workers came into our room every few minutes all night long. I was about to slug somebody and finally refused temperature monitoring during the night, however I learned that one's wishes are not always honored. When Kyle came in the morning, I explained the fact that Jack hadn't gotten to sleep all night and he quickly took over (my hero!). He asked that the nurses stay out of our room for 1 hour so that Jack could get a small amount of uninterrupted sleep, this is what followed, I swear it's true, for some reason Kyle took notes.

7:30 Jack is dozing happily

7:36 tech 1 checks blood pressure. He is unhappy at being woken up, so has a high BP. Tech says she will come back soon.

7:50 Doctor 2 visits to check on surgery. All looks well.

7:58 Kyle calms Jack to sleep. He leaves to ask the head nurse 3 for no interruptions until 9:15. She agrees to 9:00, excepting doctors.

8:00 Kyle walks down the hall to call family and let Jack sleep.

8:06 Worker 4 noisily brings in a tray of food. Kyle returns to the room to calm Jack again.

8:14 Tech 5 enters to check the oxygen machine. Kyle manages to keep him whispering, without turning on the lights.

8:18 Tech 1 returns to check blood pressure again. Kyle sends her away quietly.

8:28 Worker 6 checks if she can have Jacks breakfast tray back. Kyle sends her away quietly.

8:34 Tech 7 wants to check the supply of gloves in the bathroom. Kyle sends her away quietly.

8:38 Worker 6 returns to see if we need more water. “No, because they are both sleeping, not drinking.” Kyle sends her away quietly.

8:57 Tech 1 returns to check temperature and heart rate. We manage to get a reading without waking Jack, but he has a fever.

9:02 Jack awakes. We call head nurse 3 to give him fever medication.

9:22 Nurse 3 brings the medication.

I still love you nurses, but really sleep is important for babies!

Post-Op

We're home from the hospital and we're all doing okay, I think! :)

We arrived at the hospital at 6am on Wednesday morning and they took him back at 7am. The last surgeon came to tell us that he was done and all went well at 11:30am. About 30 minutes later we both got to go back into the recovery area to hold Jack as he came to. I was so relieved that they let Kyle come to because it was basically my worst nightmare to be in a giant room surrounded by people who had just had surgery, while I was supposed to hold my hurting baby and hold oxygen in front of his face to help him breathe. I was so afraid I was going to pass out...remember the fainting goat analogy. Then they wheeled me, holding him up to our room, he promptly emptied his stomach of blood and then I knew, I'm definitely going to pass out. So his nurses had to take care of him and me, get me some soda and crackers and have me lay down, as soon as I got some sugar I was okay and didn't pass out afterall, but I think I'm officially disqualified for the mother of the year award :).

It was a long 24+ hours in the hospital. Jack wasn't feeling great, but most of all he wanted to rest, and for some reason hospitals make sure that you can never sleep for even 1 hour before they just have to do something (check our glove supply for instant) of great importance, and I'm talking about night time too. So he was very fussy and angry and I knew what would be best for him was to go home. Unfortunately he wasn't able to keep even water down for the first day, and then spiked a fever so they didn't release us in the morning. But Thursday, he kept his liquids down, so they let us go late that afternoon.

Now that we're home, Jack is doing much better. He is sleeping okay, but waking more frequently because he can't get comfortable, and seems to be in only minor pain. He is very fussy though, due to his frustration with those arm bands and I think hunger, he is still not so keen on eating with all the stitches and perhaps pain in his mouth. I've busted out my sling to hold him in because he is happiest if I'm holding him, he's a bit like a newborn right now, just a lot heavier! We'll probably to lots of walks and wagon pulls, because he seems to be able to enjoy those since he doesn't need his arms for that.

I am in your debt for your prayers, how amazing it is to know God was taking care of Jack throughout this process. Although I must admit God had to have a little talk with me in the middle of the night there in the hospital, I was so frustrated with Him not answering my prayer for them letting him sleep, He reminded me that I was forgetting in my frustration that He loved Jack more than I ever could and is taking care of Him perfectly, even if it doesn't look that way to me. It is amazing how quickly I can forget what I know to be true when I take my eyes off of God for a moment, I am so grateful for His grace.

I'll post some pictures of him in his arm bands soon, but right now both the kids are sleeping and I haven't showered in...well a while! :)

Ask

And you shall receive. God has blessed us with the earliest start time for Jack's surgery, we will have to be at the hospital tomorrow at 6am.

He is so good to us. God has taught us so much in the past year about trusting Him, His control, and prayer. In my life there has been no better way for me to grow in my understanding and dependence on God than this adoption process. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again, it is by far the most amazing blessing in my life and any good Jack gained from it, we've gained 10 times more.

Pre-op

Jack is having surgery this Wednesday and I would love your prayers for him. Jack was born with a cleft lip and palate, and this surgery is to repair the palate, along with two other minor proceedures. He will have three different surgeons working on him, and God has already worked out so many issues to get them all lined up on the same day. If you would like to pray with us please pray,

*That the surgery would go well, without any complications and would be successful.
*That Jack would recover well, begin eating and drinking well, so that we can be released from the hospital after two days.
*For patience and peace for Jack during the month to follow as he will have on "no-no" arm bands that keep him from putting his hands in his mouth. That nothing will get into his mouth that will break through the repair, causing it to fail.
*For us and our family, for peace and comfort during the procedure and the recovery.
*That they will switch Jack to a 7am surgery time instead of noon, so that he doesn't have to fast all morning long.

Thank you so much for all your prayers. We praise God for friends and family like y'all and how He is controlling all that has and will occur with Jack's surgery.

My little man

The other day I was at the doctor's office for Jack, which I think Jack thinks is our second home. And I saw on the wall that a one year old should get between 900 and 1350 calories a day. I thought to myself there is no way that child gets that many calories, with the constant ear infection his cleft palate causes he just doesn't love eating. So I decided to start tracking how many calories he gets a day and it's usually in the 700s.

So I got some advice and have began fattening up his food to help him get enough calories in the small amounts that he eats each day. So all day I'm calculating his calories and doing fun math in my head, for example if he ate 2/3 of a jar of baby food that has 140 calories he ate how many calories? He's doing better now, getting just to 900 every couple of days.

But now the real fun begins, in order for Jack to have his cleft palate repaired, he needs to be off of the bottle (his main source of calories). This is going to be a difficult goal for Jack and I, but I am confident that God will take care of it as He has with every other detail of Jack's life. But I would very much love your prayers, I'll keep it short:

*Jack would transition fully to a cup by his surgery, in one month
*Jack would get enough calories everyday to grow
*His surgery would go well, without complications, and he would recovery quickly

Thank you for praying for us, I know that the Lord will work through your prayers.

Our meeting

Jack was born with a cleft lip and palate. So we have to meet with several different types of doctors in order to correct the problem. He will need a plastic surgeon, a ENT, a pediatrician, a pediatric dentist, an orthodontist, a speech therapist, and an audiologist.

As you can imagine even the thought of dealing with setting up appointments with so many different doctors, going to each appointment, and figuring out how the different treatments need to correspond is overwhelming at best.

But when God made it clear to me that we were to say yes to Jack, that he was indeed the son we were waiting for, He asked me to trust Him and just let go of the situation. And from that moment on in a very real way I have felt the Lord pick me up and carry me through all that has followed in the past two months.

We now in our small town have our very own cleft team. That means that all those doctors listed above get together once every other month to meet with you and then together make a plan for Jack. We had our first meeting with the cleft team this past week, it was amazing. We sat in the same room the entire time and each doctor comes to us one by one, looked at Jack, answered our questions, and told us what is they think needs to happen. Then when it was all over they got together and made a treatment plan for Jack which we'll get in a couple of days.

We were told a lot of information. We were told of a lot of surgeries that Jack would need, a lot of treatment, and follow-ups he would need for the rest of his childhood. Twice a doctor could tell that I was becoming overwhelmed and made sure to reassure me that he'll be just fine, everything is treatable, it is not as bad as it sounds. What I couldn't find the words to tell them was that I was indeed overwhelmed, but not in the way they thought. I was overwhelmed by the way the Lord used every moment of that meeting to say, See...this is how much I love, I will carry you throughout this process, I will take this all upon me, you will have nothing to worry about I got this under control, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Weird I know. But here I was in my small town, I didn't have to drive more than five minutes to get to the meeting. And the first doctor that walks in goes to my church and knows Kyle. He is an orthodontist so really he has nothing that needs to be said to us now, but he talks with us and tells us everything he knows about his treatment and made it clear, he will treat Jack well but more so that he will love us well. Then in walks the pediatrician, and I knew he was a believer just by looking into his eyes, and he goes on to take the time to learn everything there is to know about Jack and his history, he examines him and treats him for an ear infection he has now. He made it so clear how much he loves the Lord and how well he will love Jack. Then in walks the ENT, I was blown away by his knowledge in this area, the number of years he has treated cleft palate paitents, and just how okay Jack is going to be once he has some work done. And on and on it goes from there. We had a dear friend come and check on us who knew we'd be there, we had medical students come in because they said, "Everyone says I have to come in here and meet this adorable little boy and his devoted parents". The social worker who coordinates the team is beyond amazing, I have never been taken care of the way she takes care of us, she does all the arrangements for us, finds all the best workers, calls us to check on things I would never have expected her to remember.

By the end I had to stop my self from crying, I was overwhelmed by what I had just been a part of. I understood fully that this will be a long process and will take much of our time and resources, but this will be a process where I get to experience God's love and peace on a new level. Because I'm walking through this "trial" I get to be held by my savior. God showed off for me that day, He said to me so loudly and clearly, this is how much I love you, keep on trusting and obeying, it may not be what you had planned, but it will be better.

One Month

We've had Jack home for a little over a month now, really only one month...who knew you could squeeze in as much as we have in the past month, I was sure it's been six.

I love when I have time alone with him, the day Kylynn is at "school" and the times when Kyle takes her out just the two of them. It's during those times that I'm able to just slow down and do what is really important but what rarely gets done during a typical day with two children, just be with my son. He is so different from Kylynn at this age in that he loves to laugh, really it's like he's just waiting for any excuse, and of course it's one of my favorite sounds, so we spend a lot time doing activities that make him laugh. I also love when I get to give him a bottle and all is still, when we get to look into each others eyes and just feel loved.

He has added many new skills in the past month, crawling the "normal" way, pulling up to standing, eating a cracker, and taking naps on a semi-regular basis (that one's my favorite!).

I get asked a lot about how he's adjusting and bonding to us. He is doing just wonderful, God has answered our prayers in amazing ways. He is completely bonded to me (and has been since about day two) and in the past week he has seemed to figure out who Kyle is and will now let him feed and rock him as well. As far as adjustment, truly I cannot believe how well he has done. His little world was turned upside down and he has taken it in stride. The first week he was not easily comforted when wanting to sleep, but since then even that has changed. I can tell that he is understanding more and more words and he is constantly chattering away. He loves Kylynn and they play games in the back of the car where she can make him giggle on and on, which I love. I am so grateful for the bonding that we have all done as we will soon begin the process of surgeries for his cleft palate and I am sure there will be a lot of comforting needed.

I know it might sound strange and truly I would not have believed it coming from someone else but everything feels perfectly "normal". I feel like we've always had him. I have no sadness over the first nine months of his life spent away from us, nor do I feel like I have to work at bonding with him. It feels exactly the same as when we brought Kylynn home from the hospital, instantly my son, instantly loved, but taking time to learn each other and how this all works.

Sometimes I let myself forget and I have to remind myself that this process, this child, his homecoming, our family bonding was all handled by God down to every detail. It is not a coincidence that so many details have worked out perfectly, that we have been granted peace in a time that for many is stressful. He has answered our many prayers and may He receive all the glory and honor that may come from this stage in our life.

Jack

Life has gotten away from me, we've been so busy, I haven't had the chance to go back and tell everyone a little bit more about our baby boy and how the adoption is going.

First of all his name is Jack. We have not decided which of his Korean names to keep as his middle name, but his middle name will be one of the names his birth mother gave him. I like very unique names in fact I made up Kylynn's name in hopes that she would always be the only "Kylynn" in her class. But the more I thought about my unique boy names the more I thought about how our son is so unique already. He will most likely be the only Asian child with White parents in his class, maybe the only adopted child, and definitely a minority throughout life because of his heritage. So I wanted a name that was not the most popular but a name that would never be mis-pronounced or made fun of. I also wanted to honor Kyle's grandpa Johnny and his uncle Rick (who's given name is John), who were some of the most important men in Kyle's life and shaped him into the great man he is today. So Jack it is, Jack is a variation of John, which means God is gracious.

Indeed God is gracious. Our son is almost 6 months old now and was 5 months when we received the referral, this is a huge blessing as many of the children were not being referred for adoption till they were older. We are being told to expect 3 to 6 months to get him home, that would make it somewhere between November 2008 and February 2009, we are praying that it is very soon, even sooner than expected. We have filled out the paperwork that is to go off to different agencies in the U.S. and the country from which we're adopting. The paperwork was tedious to say the least, but after a week we got it all straightened out.

One of the common questions I am getting from people currently is whether or not he is "healthy". This is not something Kyle and I took lightly, we have spoken with a doctor twice regarding his medical records and in general yes he is healthy. He like me is not perfect though and we never set out to get a perfect child, just our perfect child. Jack does have a cleft lip and palette and his mother did not receive prenatal care for most of the pregnancy. All that to say we believe that he is healthy but you can predict very little about a person's future from the way they are at 5 months old. I can assure you that we prayed about this child, spoke with experts, received counsel and are sure of this: This is the child God has chosen for us. And that is all we need to know, the rest we will find out as we go.

So many of you have come up to us in the past few weeks and congratulated us and told us you are praying for us, I just want to say thank you. I love the look of joy and celebration on your faces, you make me more excited, you assure me that we will be well loved and supported throughout this journey of adoption we're on. Your prayers are more valuable to me than most anything in my life, I feel you holding me up when the journey has been especially challenging and tiring, as it has during these past few weeks.

I have a million things to do, so hopefully I'll stop with my procrastinating (which I do when I'm scared) and start preparing to be a mother of two, Kylynn and Jack.