Look who's three!

My baby boy is three, we celebrated at pre-school (I was very excited to see him blow out the candle un-prompted, yes I'm a mom like that!)

Today he got a card in the mail that sings! from one of his great grandmothers, he loved it so much.  His loved seems forced in this video, but I promise he was all about that card :).

A new addition to his "when I grow up..." which is still heard 50+ times a day is, ready for it, a robot :).  Love that boy!

Song for fish

You sat in the tub and glanced down at the fish you were singing to and I took in those eyelashes that are much too beautiful, too long, and too dark.  I took in your ten fingers and ten toes, your little finger nails shaped so perfectly, so entirely unlike mine.  The little muscles that are begining to form in your legs and your perfect round belly full of food and all I could think of was her, and does she know.

You looked up at me smiled and went back to your song for fish and I thought, the sound of you eagerly singing your song may be my favorite sound on earth.  I began to cry, this loss that is her's is gain for me and it's wonderful and horrible and beautiful and messy.  You were busy with your song so I allowed myself the thoughts, the pain, the tears.  She is missing all of this, all of it, and will she ever know that God created something beautiful in her body?

The only time she ever looked at your beautiful face was when it bore the evidence of something gone wrong, did she blame herself, does she still?  Oh, to find her and help her lay down her burden, to tell her who you really are.  How you charm people, how people meet you and are taken captive by the joy you carry around, handing out to those you pass.  That already I can't dream of who you will become, for the talents loom, an athlete, a lover of animals, a gentle spirit, a fixer, a helper.  You are a boy who is nothing gone wrong.

Will you find her someday and show her the boy God grew in her womb.  Will you find her and see what her eyelashes look like.  And look at her fingernails for me and see if there yours.  Tell her that when I look at the perfection in you I have always thought of her, her beauty and her pain.  I have always prayed that she would find healing, that she would find you.

My words are left unspoken, saved for a day you will better understand and I smile at your song for fish and begin to sing along, grateful for the beautiful mess.

Try, try again

I have a bit of trouble with patience, not to mention worry, and doubt, so it shouldn't have surprised me when I began to feel like Jack's speech therapy was doomed a full three sessions in.  Yes, I am that short sighted.  After three sessions he hadn't made any progress (uh duh!) and didn't want to practice with me, so I began to let my head wander, what if...

Today Jack had his fourth session, he goes twice a week, and he mastered where to place his tongue to say the "d" sound, not only that he was excited to show me where he puts his tongue and practice making that sound.  It was a good day!

This is the third speech therapist I've experienced and I want to encourage other moms out there, if you think your therapist is not doing a good job, go find another one!  Especially if your child was born with a cleft, find someone who understands how to work with children with clefts.  We have found an amazing therapist and she is night and day better than the first one we experienced.  Jack loves going so much he thinks it's is bi-weekly fun play day.  She told me today that he so smart that if she tries to just pull out the flash cards, he says oh no!  So she's found all these neat ways to trick him into therapy, love that lady!

Next time I begin to decide all is hopeless after a few times of trying with my kids can someone please remind me that learning takes time and patience is virtue.  I think I will especially need this reminder, perhaps several times a day, when potty training Jack.

An eating assignment for you, your welcome

On Saturday we headed out to have some frozen yogurt, Kylynn had chosen that as her reward for that week's star chart.  Can I just tell you, how hard it is to not try and sway her decision when it comes to what reward she chooses that week, I wish she would pick the "ice cream" reward more often but she doesn't.  So anyways we decided to try a new frozen yogurt place I had heard about.  Another side note, what is the deal with our relatively small city having 37 frozen yogurt places suddenly, it's like we're going for a new record or trying to get picked as the frozen yogurt capital of the world.

Anyways, we ended up at Project Yogurt, in Bryan and I need all of you to make it your new frozen yogurt headquarters.  Get this, they donate 10% of all of their profits to charity, the charities that they donate to change every quarter but are currently, Still Creek Ranch, ONE Aggieland, Hospice of the Brazos Valley, Down Syndrome Association of the Brazos Valley, and United Way.  They also have a place set up where you can donate extra money to any of the organizations.  The yogurt was amazing, I liked it much more than the one I'd had at some other local yogurt shops, but Kyle thought it tasted exactly the same as the other shops.  They had great toppings, including one I'd never seen and loved, cheesecake pieces, kind of cancels out the whole eating yogurt thing but I try not to think about that.

If your a local check them out, their prices were the same as other yogurt shops, so you can spend the same amount of money but support local charities, such a wonderful idea.  Not to mention there was tons a seating, and the workers were super friendly.  They're located in the shopping center by the Bryan HEB on Villa Maria.

When I grow up...

A couple weeks ago Kylynn had to go to pre-school dressed up as what she wants to be when she grows up, she chose a ballerina, and that was the end of that as far as she was concerned.  But when she came home that day, she asked Jack what do you want to be when you grow up?  Well let's just say Jack has taken this question to heart, decided to ponder it for hours upon hours, always out loud.

Approximately ever 1.5 seconds, for the last two weeks, Jack says, Mommy, when I grow up, and fills it in with various possibilities.  Here are the ones I hear most often
*a firefighter-who will wear a hat and help people
* superman
*spider man
* a baseball game (he means a baseball player)
* a football guy
* have a water gun
* a cowboy
* a grandpa

His birthday is coming up soon and I'm trying to decide what type of cake to do and he changes so often I just can't decide what he's loving right now the most.  But I love hearing the hopes and dreams of a soon to be three year old and feel grateful that God saw it fit to give him a future full of possibilites.

Russell Moore and Loretta Lynn

One of my new favorite blogs these days is Moore to the Point by Russell D. Moore.  I very much enjoy reading his takes on living out our daily lives as followers of Jesus.  I was going to send my readers over there today, to read his article, Honk if you love anti-Christian bumper stickers, but then as I finished reading it the article below it caught my eye.


The article, You Ain't Woman Enough (To Take my Man), is part of his new series the Cross and the Jukebox and you actually listen to a talk on that song/topic, so I've never taken the time to listen to one before, but it was well worth my time.  This talk is about 30 minutes long and is on Loretta Lynn's song, "You ain't woman enough to take my man", and I just had to hear what he was going to say about it after reading the opening line. 

"What does Loretta Lynn have to say to the Internet pornography scourge in our churches? Well, maybe more than you think."

The church we attend has done a relatively good job on talking about the elephant in the room, that is internet pornography and how it has become a cancer in our churches and in our homes today, but I'm afraid in many Christian churches Satan is winning by making sure this topic is never discussed openly.  


In surveys it is reported that 70% of Christian men age 18 to 34 look at internet pornography at least once a month.  So I doubt there is any among us who couldn't benefit from listening to Russel Moore's talk this month, if it doesn't touch your family than it is sure to touch the lives' of some of your close friends.  Listen up women and find out how to stand up and say, "you ain't woman enough to take my man."

All I want for Valentine's is you

When we found out that Chloe was not coming home in 2010, I remained calm, I kept my eyes focused on Him and His peace guarded my heart.  When January rolled around and Kyle began to feel the sadness of a child missing, I remained unchanged, God's timing is perfect and I trust him.

But then February showed up on the calendar, it was really 2011, the second month in and not only was my daughter not home, we were still a few steps away from brining her here.  I began to unravel.  Somedays I would place the kiddos in bed and pull up my email, certain that today was the day, the day to see an email saying her emigration permit had been approved, our last major hurdle before we could go get her.  When once again my inbox lacked that jewel of an email I would become angry, and take all of my anger out on that refresh button, hitting it again and again, like a crazy person thinking that if I just refreshed the screen one more time, that email would be there.

Yesterday as I sat in church I felt God undoing me further.  I was angry at Him, I was losing my patience, and I had forgotten who He really was.  Every song I sang made me cry, every word the preacher said reached down into my soul, God speaking to me, do I have your attention.  Finally I could resist Him no more, if you're going to break me into pieces, put me back together more beautiful, a vessel filled with your glory.  Forgiveness was sought for the sins I had begun to wallow in.  His goodness and his timing were made real to me again.  And the pain and sadness that I had so desperately tried to ignore, I allowed in, and instead of ruin, I felt healing.

This morning I turned on my computer so that I could send an email to someone, not thinking for a moment of the email I had been longing for, and yet there it was.  Chloe's emigration permit has been approved.  We're in the home stretch now, it could still be a couple of months, but she is almost home.  This morning when I woke up I sat half way asleep and prayed, Father please just tell me when she'll be home, reassure me.  And today on this day of love He did that for me.

Happy Valentine's day friends!