Come

I thought of Peter and how you told him to "Come" and he did, his feet landing firmly on the water.  What must he have felt in that moment, faith, of course, but wasn't there fear too.  For this act of walking on water required him to give himself over fully to you.  And before he was aware of what was happening, the fear won, he turned his focus to self, took his eyes off of you, and began to sink.  I remembered how you said, "you of little faith, why did you doubt?" and it occurs to me, how small is the faith I hold if Peter's was little.  For Peter at least had a moment when his faith was so big that he walked on water.

And you beckon me to come, to walk on the water you have laid before me, and I remind you that I am no Peter.  I am sure that I will sink, my eyes turned inward, the fear is all I have space for.  You call to me again, reassuring me that my part is little, you will do the hard work, my only part is to keep my eyes on you.

So I stand up and I try to muster my courage, I look at you and I lift my foot to step, but my faith is so small, and I can't.  I ask you, to please, please just pick me up and put me on the water.  You remind me of the way You love, you cannot remove my freedom without removing your love, gently you tell me you will always hold my hand, but the step is mine to take.

Maybe I could live on this shore forever I decide.  So I sit down, close my eyes tight, and plug up my ears.  But I find no way to quiet the Spirit, He speaks from within, Spirit to soul, soul to heart, and I feel you tell me, "come."  I don't even know what's out there, I cry, if you could just show me exactly where I'm going then I could do this, but to step into the unknown is too hard.  "I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to give you a hope and a future."  My voice rises, a toddler throwing a fit, but I want to see them, before I take my step I need to know where I'm walking!  "That's why I gave you the gift of faith, you tell me, the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

The waves crash around and I wonder why you couldn't have asked me to step out onto a calm stream, why does it always have to be so hard.  You remind me that when I am weak, is when I am truly strong, it is then the world looks in and sees not me, but a strong and mighty God.

I breathe in deep and place my eyes on you, I fill my mind with Your truth, I turn my heart towards Your understanding, and I step.  My foot lands firmly and I smile, You didn't let me fall!  And though I'm soon to sink, soon to turn my eyes back to self and all the fear that lies within, in that moment I understand why you said to Peter, "Come."

Do they make them for adults?

I have many talented friends, as in people who make gourmet cakes from scratch that look good, who sew quilts people would pay hundreds of dollars for, who write for real life websites (and get paid for it!), who can take an old piece of furniture and make it shabby chic.  I have none of these talents, don't worry I've got a healthy self esteem, and I can do some of these things moderately well but no one would call me particularly talented at them.

I love having talented friends because it means that I can buy unique handmade items from them to use around my house.  Two of my friends, who are amazingly creative, have great style, and love God have put those things together to start a business called, Tabletop Truths.  I wasn't able to make it to their show to see these placemats in person but when I found their blog I was blown away!

Tapletop Truths is "a collection of durable, colorful place mats designed to be used as a springboard to Biblical knowledge, spiritual growth and great family conversations."  Or as I would say, they make cute placemats that we can use to help teach our children about what a great God we serve and just how much He loves us.

So now you're excited, a way to help my child learn about God, great, but wait there's more.  They are super cute.  No really, go look, they're super cute.  I would like each and every one of them, but alas you know me, I'm too frugal for that.  They are such a great product though, I'm going to get enough for each kiddo, and hey maybe I could use one too I've always struggled with memorizing scripture, do they make them for adults?

I almost forgot to tell y'all, they even have something on the back, and get this you get to pick what style you would like on the back.  Let me know if you buy some and which one(s) you chose, I'm having a hard time with all the choices.

Big boy bed

We've had in the plans for a while to purchase a bed for Jack so that we could get him out of the crib, first, because we hope to soon need it for Chloe and second, because he'll be three in two months, it's time.  But as cheapskates frugal people are known to do we've been putting it off because it involves spending money.

It hadn't really occurred to me to ask God to provide the beds, after all we could afford them, but one day last month I remember realizing just how much "stuff" we needed/wanted to complete a third bedroom for our children and to make our home more functional, and so I made a quick request that God would provide for us in one way or another what we needed for our home.

A few days later Kyle got off the phone and came and told me that he was speaking to his great aunt and she was soon to move to the northeast and wanted us to have the furniture from their guest room, which included two twin beds.  I immediately started crying, I was so touched and surprised that she would want to offer us anything and I was so overwhelmed with gratitude at how the Lord provides.  I won't get into all the details but I can tell you at least 90% of the furniture/household items we own were given to us by family, were found for great prices at a thrift stores, or put out to the curb by someone as trash.  I can see now how God has provided for us so that we would learn to depend on Him for our needs and as a way to provide the money for our adoptions.

Kyle went and picked up the beds on Christmas Eve and Jack was so ready to make that big step.  He is so excited to be a "big boy" who sleeps in a "big boy bed."  When we pray at night he likes me to lay down on his pillow too and while I pray he gets up and lays on my side and says, "you not leave me," in this adorable sing song voice he has when he thinks he's funny.

My favorite part of the big boy bed is that now I can cuddle with him!  I wouldn't mind reading a few books every night now, I don't even mind reading the Clifford ones.

Flower Patch Farmgirl giveaway

Head over to Flower Patch farmgirl today for an awesome giveaway, also leave her some love in the comments, it's her anniversary and she is divine, let her know you love her, you know you do.

Family movie night

I'm so looking forward to this Saturday, around here we're having a family movie night.  We learned about Change of Plans from our adoption agency, it's a movie about adoption shown in a positive light, and they know how much the adoption community longs to see movies like that.

It always amazes me how many people think that "lots" of adoptions end with the birth mother taking back the child, something they've seen happen many times in the movies, but very rarely in real life.  This movie is about another unlikely event but adoption is shown as a rewarding experience, not a devastating one.  So join us for family movie this weekend and check out, Change of Plans, January 8th on Fox at 8/7 c.



2:30 Change Of Plans Trailer from Moms4FamilyTV.com on Vimeo.

Drowning in Grace

I've been catching up on some of my favorite blogs now that Advent is over, and many of them are doing a recap of 2010, I am blown away by these looks back on their lives, they include pictures and links and really are great pieces of writing.

But I just don't have the time to do that, I still have all my Christmas decorations up, not to mention the throw up that we missed when we cleaned the van, that Kylynn keeps pointing out to me, sorry that was probably too much information.

So I will recap my 2010 this way, it was a year I began to emerge from the dry spell I had been walking in for over a year.  It was the year that I realized God is using me and that there is nothing I'd rather do than walk on the path He's laid out for me.  It was the year that He gave me clarity in the plan He has for building our family.  It was a year of drowning in grace, and this song was my anthem.

Nesting

I don't know when my baby girl will be coming home, but I have faith that it will be this year, 2011, and it will be soon.  We know that the US has finished processing all of her paperwork for her visa, and it was sent over to Korea in December.  My thought and my hope is that will mean for quick processing once Korea finishes processing her paperwork.  My prayer is she is home before her first birthday in March.

These past few days we have been a buzz of activity, working on all those house projects that had built up over the past six months that we want to have done before our Chloe comes home.  In short, I have been nesting and it has been wonderful.

I have gone through all the bedrooms, the kitchen, and the playroom and gotten rid of the things we don't need or were replaced with Christmas gifts.  We've gotten both kids in new twin beds, Jack's first "big boy bed."  We set up some shelves that were given to us and organized the playroom, with a place for all the toys now.  This week an electrician is coming out to fix the wiring in Chloe's room, then once he's done the contractor will come in and do the sheet rock, and then the fun begins.  We have all the paint ready to go once the wall is up and after that we have everything we need to set up a nursery just for her.

Right now I sit in excitement that these projects are getting accomplished, and I can feel God readying not just our home but also our hearts for our daughter, but I know that soon I will have run out of things to do to get ready and the pain of the wait will set in, but my hope is in that, God will not give me more than I can handle and that He will bring her home to us in His perfect timing.

For now I fill my head with color schemes and room layouts, with the promise of a sun filled room and tiny little clothes folded in drawers.  A room with a chair I can sit in and rock and dream of her, and what it will feel like to hold her in my arms, what it will feel like for a heart to grow to love one more person this much.