A Chosen Child

What Kylynn has taught me about fashion (take II)

2012-02-08T11:21:00.002-06:00

One of life's many surprises when it comes raising children is watching Kylynn develop her love for fashion. Let's just say that I unconsciously only buy solid color clothes and often will buy a shirt I like in three or four colors, I am boring when it comes to my fashion choices and Kyle well he wears your typical business atire, everyday. So Kylynn, mainly influenced by her own creativity and perhaps inherited some genes from her aunt Jessie, breathes new life into me when I see her come down in the morning for school.

By pure will she convinced me to allow her to dress herself around two and a half and has been going strong ever since. Her style is all her own and let's just say I take notice when she has a day where she wears a matching outfit, it's few and far between. But even though sometimes I falter for a moment and think, really you are going to embarrass me, I love her style. I love that she dresses for her alone and it has never occurred to her to try and fit into someone else's mold.

This is what I've been learning from her lately, I spend entirely too much time worrying about what other people think about me. There are outfits I love myself in that I always end up changing out of before I leave the house because I'm worried that I'm not really "cool enough" to pull it off (and I'm not but who cares!) or that I feel like I shouldn't wear because they're for skinny people. But she has taught me that people look beautiful when they love what they're wearing that people who feel beautiful are beautiful.

She reminds me daily that our fashion choices are a way to express who we are, and when did I decide that who I am is someone safe, and plain, and easily forgotten. Kylynn's outfits grab people's attention. But then they get to know her and stay captivated by who she is, kind and loving, happy and funny, smart and independent. She knows who she is, and she loves who she is. I want to be like that more often, I want to dress like that more often. Maybe I should start letting her pick out my clothes....

2011 was the year that...

2012-01-29T21:18:00.000-06:00

Last year several bloggers did a re-cap of their year with links back to some of the posts from the previous year. I thought it was such a great idea, but frankly the thought of looking back over a year's worth of posts overwhelmed me. I'm always a little late to the party. So before it becomes February and it seems too weird, let's look back at 2011.

It was a big year around here, it began with me in a sort of fog as I watched the days go by and still had to live with the fact that my daughter was not home. But life most go on so, we celebrated Valentine's day with a visit to a nursing home and I continued to bathe my kids :) which lead to one of my all time favorite posts about Jack singing a song to his fish while I pondered this big love I've been given.

In March we finally got the call to go and bring Chloe home. So we went to Korea: day one, day two, and day three. Finally we met our daughter, Chloe So-hyeon and we even did some remodeling so that she could have a room.

During the spring, a stranger made me cry (no surprise there) in Cracker Barrel, we celebrated Easter, and I waxed poetically about my sisters and just how important my relationship with them is to me.

This summer was the hottest summer on record and the driest but somehow we survived. We started the summer with Kylynn turning 5, I still can't believe that my baby could be so old, not to mention what it says about me :). We went on vacation to New Mexico with my family and escaped the heat! Then before I knew it summer ended and I accomplished some of my goals.

We started off the "fall" with Kyle turning one year older and Kylynn starting Kindergarten. We then continued my favorite season with some fun, we went glamping (yes I know how to spell), we celebrated Halloween, and some not-so-fun we realized the IRS was out to get us. We ended the year by finalizing Chloe's adoption! We also of course celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas, but really do you expect me to get things like that posted on my blog during that crazy season, just try and picture it in your head :).

It was a great year, one that found us trying on a family of five for the first time and after a few adjustments, found it to be a nice fit. A year of change for each one of us, none so much as our newest member, and so it was at times exhausting and stressful but it was always good. It was the year that God had for us and it was for our good, of that I am convinced, it was a year that we felt held securely in His hands, a year we felt loved, a year that made us marvel at His grace.

"If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" -Romans 8:31, 32

Seollal, Hunger (Games and mine), and public manners

2012-01-25T21:20:00.000-06:00

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I'm sorry I have been absent so much from this blog, it has actually been a good thing, the month of January has had me catching up on a lot of my to-dos I had been behind on and enjoying spending much less time on the computer. I seem to either spend way too much time here or ignore it alltogether, next month I need to work on finding that balance again so I can blog AND not waste hours on pinterest. :)

*Jack is a bit of an adrenaline junkie he loves to run really fast, jump off of high objects, and most of all talk of horrible things happening in a very excited voice. He spends the entire day talking about imaginary scenarios where there's a fire (at the doctor's office we're on our way to) and the firemen will have to put it out! Or an accident happening and the ambulance will have to come and help people! Pretty much every scenario that sends me into a panic attack are the ones he loves to shout about as we drive in the car to our destination.

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*We celebrated Seollal (the Korean Lunar New Year) for the first time this year, we were a day late due to Kyle's schedule but we had a great time. I made pajeon, dukgok, and both savory and sweet hoddeok. I cooked for about four hours so it definitely felt like a big feast. When it was finally all done and we sat down to eat, I was both hungry and worn out. I was really impressed with how good the food had turned out, since it was my first stab at Korean cooking (Kyle has always done it in the past). Apparently I was enjoying my food a bit too much, Kyle pointed out that I was making a "mmm" sound every time I took a bite, I was grossing him out with my umm...enthusiasm, what can I say Korean food is good! :)

*To avoid that akward situation where you child points to someone and says, "look mommy that man is really fat", we have a rule that the only thing you can say about/to a stranger is a compliment, such as, "I like her dress." It has worked really well and I have only had one embarrassing incident (so far) with each child. Unfortunately most adults do not have as good of manners as my 5 and 3 year olds. Twice a week we are at a building containing many doctors' offices and we have to ride the elevator. Every single time we are there we have an adult on the elevator/hallway tell Jack that "he is tiny, small, so very very tiny!" They say this as if they are paying him a compliment or as if he is not intelligent enough to understand them. It always makes him feel uncomfortable and he looks at me to try and figure out what to do, and I'm at a loss. For the record, boys who are almost four do not find being "so very tiny" to be a compliment and sometimes it's okay to not say every thought that comes to your mind. Thank you!

Source: maangchi.com via Jenny on Pinterest

*I have been in a very experimental mood when it comes to food lately, I'm sure it's because of Pinterest. Anywho, I want to pass on the best breakfast sandwich of all time. I often make myself an egg and cheese muffin to eat on my way to drop Kylynn off of school but I thought I'd shake it up a bit the other day and wow! it was amazing. Take a toasted (I like mine very toasted) english muffin, put blackberry jam on both sides, cook an egg over medium (so that the yoke is just a little runny), put a piece of swiss cheese on it while the egg is hot, and there you have it, so good! You'll make noises when you eat, right it's not just me that does that sometime...

*I've started reading the Hunger games and since I'm only about half way through the first book I'm doing okay at not letting it take over my life. So far I find it not half as addictive as the Twilight series, but I believe that the first book in Twilight did not consume me either, so we'll see. Reading it is part of the reason I have been so productive lately, I've been making deals with myself of things I need to do before I read. I haven't been so on the ball and so consistent in reading the Bible in months! :)

*If I talk about pinterest again will you stop being my friend? I would, geez lady get a real life friend! Ok, so I've noticed a trend in my use of pinterest I'll pin anything crafts I'll never do, clothes I can never afford, homes that will always be 47 times cleaner than mine, but the only thing I've translated from pin to real life: food. I have cooked proably a third of all my recipe pins and haven't touched the other categories, I'm not even sure what's on my other boards.

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*On Seollal we also practiced our bowing and watched some Korean cartoons I found on you tube. The big kids were instantly hooked on the Robocar Poli. They begged me to watch it again today and sure enough they watched three episodes of a show in which they did not understand a single word. I'm really excited about it, as Jack is really loving the fact that he is Korean right now so the more Korean culture I can incorporate into our lifes the better. Of course the fact that it was Korean did not make Chloe want to watch it anymore than any other TV show, it's a sign of a bad mommy when you wish your child would want to watch TV, add it to the list.

How about you what bit of randomness do you have for me today? Books I need to read, food I need to eat, movies to see, stories to hear? Let me know! I hope y'all have a week filled with random beauty, it's all around us if we just take the time to notice.

Modern day machines (the good and bad), teeth, and more on Pinterest

2012-01-18T16:39:00.001-06:00

*Can I get a hallelujah for modern day machines. I am finally finding the time to write because dinner is cooking in the crock pot and bread machine, the washer and dryer are cleaning my clothes, and of course the TV/DVD is babysitting my children. I feel kind of like superwoman, which makes absolutely no sense because I am doing very little work at the moment.

*Chloe doesn't watch TV yet so she is not actually being babysat, just being ignored, which I will regret later. Besides climbing and opening doors, she is really into hitting Jack these days.

*I'm making Creamy Chicken and Rice soup for dinner, oh man it looks so good! Of course I pinned it.

*Jack is no longer being babysat either, due to 1)his decision that all movies (Corduroy is on) are scary, no matter what the topic, he tells me he doesn't want to watch this movie anymore after about 1 minute because it's scary and 2) Chloe and the whole hitting Jack fascination.

*On Saturday I had eaten a really large breakfast and so for lunch I decided to make this really yummy looking smoothie(from Pinterest duh), with spinach and all sorts of berries. I loaded up about $5 worth of produce into my blender and it died on me, I was so upset at the thought of throwing away all that (expensive) food, that I put it in the fridge. It's still there and it looks disgusting I really need to throw it out, but then I will have officially wasted all that food.

*Kylynn's first tooth is loose, last night at dinner she started crying about how her tooth was stuck. I looked at it and it was really loose and bleeding a little. Kyle and I both were a little freaked out about it (which says so much about us I know) and I realized that once again I've reached a stage in parenting where I have no idea what's happening. Later that night she used my magnified mirror to check it all out and found that her permanent tooth has already broken through behind it. If you're a tooth expert, let me know if for some reason that's a problem.

*I was over at a friend's house the other night and I walked in and instantly saw something on her wall and just knew...Pinterest! But most of the time when I'm with friends and I try to tell them about something I saw on Pinterest (which is sadly often) they're not members and have no idea what I'm talking about. If my phone wasn't from 1987, I could pull it up and show them, but instead I just say never mind and they're left thinking I need to get a life, which is entirely true.

*I have probably used Wikipedia about 3 times in my life and then today of all days I needed it to look up information on the Lunar New Year and how they celebrate it in Korea, we've never celebrated it and I saw some of my fellow Korea mommies do really cool things with their kiddos so I wanted to this year and of course today they're protesting with a blackout. Unfortunately with the brain I have these days I will not remember to check back tomorrow.

*I'm sure that there was more randomness that I intended on writing when I sat down, but Chloe has come in every 30 seconds to pull on my arm and then throw herself on the ground in dramatic flair to inform me of her extreme dislike that I am not paying attention to her! So for now friends I hope you have a great Wednesday, full of randomness, and that you see the beauty in all of it around you.

Oh crap Chloe's got the cookies and some of my pottery and is playing the "drums", peace out!

Let's talk Pinterest

2012-01-09T21:09:00.001-06:00

Source: Uploaded by user via Jenny on Pinterest

Have y'all noticed I've been a little absent on this here blog lately, it's because of a little thing called Pinterest. Are you on Pinterest, if so let's discuss, if not well listen in and decide if the good outweighs the bad, I honestly don't know.

Source: polyvore.com via Jenny on Pinterest

You see Pinterest is a little like crack. Well I've never done crack (shocking I know), how about this Pinterest is a little like cheese puffs. One taste and your hooked, before you know it you can't stop consuming until the last one has been eaten. When it's all said and done you're left feeling a little guilty but mostly thinking about when you can have more.

Source: crushculdesac.tumblr.com via Jenny on Pinterest

For those of you not on Pinterest, it is website where you can create virtual pinboards of pictures (that include links to the website they're from) organized by category. You also follow others and see what they're pinning, which if you're not creative (like me) you can just re-pin whatever they do. I have a board with recipes, one with fashion, one with ideas for my home, one I used while Christmas shopping, and one for guilty pleasures, like this picture of my favorite vampire someone pinned and I literally could not stop myself.

Source: sassybitchface.tumblr.com via Jenny on Pinterest

Here's the thing about Pinterest that separates it from all the other time wasters out there on the web. After I spend an hour on Pinterest I feel like I just cooked this dinner and this one, made this dessert to boot, styled my hair, bought a whole new outfit, learned how to clean my bathroom with a grapefruit, and painted my island turquoise! Only problem is all I really did was spend an hour looking at pretty pictures and pinning them onto my boards.

Source: fortheloveofcooking-recipes.blogspot.com via Jenny on Pinterest

But believe or not I do actually use the things I pin. I've become much more fashion conscious, well some days at least. I've cooked many of the recipes I've found, and found that just because someone has a fancy camera doesn't mean their recipe is any good, but sometimes it does. I've tried the sock bun for curling my hair, and it made my hair look like a rat's nest, but I'm hoping it was user's error and will try again. I used it very effectively to pick out Christmas gifts, and have a list as long as Kyle's arm (he's got long arms) for projects to do around the house. In short, it's made me more creative and eager to try new things then I've been since I grew up and lost that creative energy that used to drive me.

Source: jenniferjohner.typepad.com via Jenny on Pinterest

Are you on Pinterest? If so let me know I'd love to follow you, because the more people I follow the more cool pins I see when I log on and the less likely I am to click on the "popular" pins link and find myself drowning in a world of amazing pins that never ends. Afterall a girl's gotta sleep sometime.

*wow, the word "Pinterest is very hard to spell and blogger needs to learn it's a real word so I can easily see where I've messed up*

And so the beauty began

2011-12-30T14:56:00.000-06:00

Today is my anniversary. Eleven is the number and I think you all get the idea already, about how I love my husband and about how he's a really very good husband, it's true. But there is something that you might not know about me, about the eleven years. It was hard at first, still sometimes is. But I'm talking about the hard where you go into the bathroom and turn on the shower so no one will hear you sobbing, hard. I'm talking about the hard where you spend hours toying with the thought, maybe we made a mistake. Where you cannot fathom your life with or without this supposed other half.

When Kyle and I got married, I had firmly turned my back on God, I had decided that I was going to live my life the way I wanted. I had bought into the lies of the world and I wasn't going to allow God to talk me out of doing what it was I wanted to do, including marrying whomever I wanted to marry. This life was meant to be enjoyed, the wisdom in the Bible, it didn't apply to me.

I never consulted God when it came to Kyle, nor him when it came to me. We were young and in love and couldn't imagine that we would ever feel anyway else. After we got married we reaped what we had sowed, the wages of our sin was death and we felt it in our marriage, death eating at the love we thought would be enough.

Yet there was never a moment when He wasn't there with us in our pit. Our DaddyGod, always standing right there waiting, asking for us to turn, waiting to catch us when we fell, protecting us from ourselves. No matter how much we had tried to turn away, we were still His children. It wasn't long before the shine wore off from the world, living for ourselves left us empty, starving, we were alone and we had no idea how to fix what we had broken.

After nine months of marriage we walked into our church, and God began to make us whole again. We showed up that day with our hands full of ashes and we traded them all in, every one, not sure what we would get in return but sick of holding on to that which burns. And so the beauty began. Just a little at first, a friendly smile, the promise of friendships to come. But beauty multiples, blessing upon blessing. Soon it was a flood, truth spoken over our lives, mentors to show us how to love, teach us what the Bible says about marriage, an example, a blue print, an understanding not just of how to be one flesh, but of how to walk with our God. People who were not afraid to come into our pit in order to pull us out, friends who would become family, prayers and then more prayers.

Ten plus years later our church trusts us to do pre-marital counseling and I remind myself that it is a privilege. To be able to go back in time and speak to those young lovers, to tell them the truth about marriage, to tell them just how hard it is, how much work it can be, to insist that they understand, a strand of two will break, it has to be a strand of three. To let them in on the secret that while all of that is true, a marriage built on the Rock of Ages, is joy, is laughter, is finding out what you've been missing all these years.

Eleven years ago when my faith was so small, when I had decided that I no longer needed the One who saved me, I used to cry out to Him to please take away the pain, to please make it all better. I never could have imagined that he would do this, I would have settled for mediocre, for just being happy. But our Father longs to give good gifts to His children, He desires that my life be lived to the full. And it was for His glory that He saw fit to turn my marriage into such beauty, to build a family here, a legacy, a place where He can dwell.

Happy Anniversary Kyle, you are the best part of the beauty, you are just one more gift I never deserved. I'm pretty sure I would be boring and small minded and probably fat if I didn't have you :). You make me happy!

One family's story of finding joy in Christmas

2011-12-21T15:21:00.000-06:00

*disclaimer: The Bible teaches clearly that we (children of God) are free in Christ, free of the law and of sin, we now live under grace. God has made each of us unique and we will all have unique stories, I hate division between believers and have no desire to speak about Santa in general terms, if it works for you, awesome! What God has laid on my heart may be different from what He lays on yours.

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I have always loved Christmas, I loved everything about it, the music, the food, the parties and of course the gifts. Santa Claus held an important part of my heart growing up and I remember trying so hard to believe in him even after I knew the truth, because a Christmas without Santa seemed like it had lost it's magic. The fact that Jesus was born on Christmas was a passing thought in my mind, something to go through the motions about so that we could get on to the good stuff, presents!

When we had children I jumped right onto the Santa band wagon, so excited to celebrate Christmas through my children, by buying them as many gifts as I could afford, and placing them under the tree from Old St. Nick. I spent hours during the holidays, making my house look perfectly decorated, planning parties, and meals. I found the perfect family photo and mailed it out to all our friends. I bought into everything the world told me was required to have a Merry Christmas.

The only problem was I wasn't merry, and every year it got worse. I found that during the Christmas season I spent less time with God than during the other 11 months of the year. I found myself wanting things, bowing down to worship money and new items, that I suddenly needed, craved. Every Christmas Eve service was spent trying to keep my kids from messing up their nice outfits and trying to keep my eyes open after all the work I had been doing to make this season special.

Last year God began to work on my heart, to ask me what exactly it was that I was celebrating during the Christmas season. He began to reveal the sins that were stealing my joy and ask me to choose Him over the world, to care about glorifying Him over glorifying myself. It had been a long time coming and although I felt a little apprehensive about doing Christmas differently than the world around me I was ready, I was ready to not take a month off of worshiping my King, ready to not have a month filled with stress instead of joy.

First God began to show me that I could not worship two people during Christmas time, I could either make my focus (and teach my children) about Santa Claus or I could focus on and turn my children towards the God who came down to save us. Even after I knew without a doubt that was what God was asking of me, I delayed nervous of what others would think, till one afternoon Kylynn (who at the time was four) came to me and said, Mommy the tooth fairy and Santa Clause, they're just for pretend right? And it sealed the deal for me I started to try and contradict her and the Spirit wouldn't let me, I could not lie to her. So later that evening I told Kyle I think God would like us to give up Santa Claus and he turned to me and said, me too. So that was that.

The problem with getting rid of old habits is you must have new habits to put in their place and so this year has definitely been a year of adjustment for us and I know that each year it will become easier and we will form new traditions. We have been reading about the coming of Jesus and the events that surrounded it, throughout the Bible during this month each night after dinner and it is like the scales have been removed from my eyes. I am seeing for the first time what really happened all those years ago. It's not a story of a baby being born, but a story of love so deep that the King of Kings and Lord of Lords would bow low, would endure suffering we could never understand to enter the world He created. It's a story of God fulfilling His word that prophets spoke long ago, it's a story of God doing for us what we couldn't do, in order to conquer sin and death. It's a story of a God saving His people, no matter the cost.

So this Christmas I look at my children as we sit around the Christmas tree, drinking hot chocolate, reading His word (His word that is alive! is there anything more magical than that) and we write them on our heart, we talk about what we're thankful for, and finally I am understanding the meaning of Christmas. This year, I have found my joy, and it is better than anything this world had to offer.

the 80's, Christmas gifts, and the flu

2011-12-20T15:12:00.002-06:00

*Kylynn has the flu. I feel entirely guilty that I never got around to getting her and I the flu shot, so far the rest of us are well, but I'm fighting the urge to decide that we're all going to get sick Christmas morning.

*When fashion's throwback to the 80's began, I thought it was hilarious, I mean no way was I going to wear that stuff ever again! Now a couple of years later I have cuffed my jeans, love my aviator sunglasses, rock my skinny jeans, and on Friday I took the ultimate plunge, I bought some leggings which I wore with a long shirt. If I start crimping my hair please stage an intervention.

*My dog is 10, she pees in my house, I do love her, but it's really getting old, the end.

*Christmas time with 3 small children, is different than Christmas time with 2 small children. I just can't keep up this year with any of it, and we scaled back Christmas big time this year. I finished my Christmas cards last night at midnight and was wishing I didn't have any friends so I'd never have to do them again :).

*Are scarfs from the 80's because I wear one almost everyday when it's cold?

*Target makes me happy. Last Thursday when I was supposed to be packing to leave for a trip, I ran to Target on my way home to get a gift I'd forgotten, and I spent 15 minutes just shopping for me. I left feeling like I was totally hip now (and of course like I'd just stepped out of the 80's).

*I was so excited about the gifts I got for people this year (it's a long story), but I got lots of them either from thrift stores or from Etsy. Then Kyle told me that about this article he read that stated a survey that found in regards to gift buying, neither how much thought went into them or how much money spent on them, were the greatest predictors of someone loving their gifts, instead it was whether or not it was on their list. Uh-oh, I totally did not get a thing on anyone's list, I thought my gifts were so cool and unique but they may just be a big disappointment!

*I'm pretty sure Kyle hasn't gotten me anything yet...I'm kind of understanding the survey now :)

*When women come up to me in stores and compliment my children/remind me to enjoy them, it always makes me cry, I mean I'm not a total freak, I don't start weeping, but it makes me get teary eyed and choked up. It's very embarrassing that people's kindnesses have such a large effect on me, last time it happened the woman talking to me responded to my emotional state by becoming teary eyed herself, it was all too much!

*I do love living in this town, I know it's not everywhere that people are so kind.

*My most favorite Christmas song right now is, "You're Here" by Francesca Battistelli. Can you imagine being Mary, holding your baby who is also the Creator of the world. He could have left us on our own, but He's here, oh it causes me to worship...

How to make Christmas cookies

2011-12-14T09:54:00.000-06:00

from December 2010:

Step 1: Realize that all the days dishes are blocking the counter you plan on using, do the dishes. Don't forget to listen to your daughter whine that you're supposed to be making cookies, while doing dishes.

Step 2: Hear that your son is up from his nap and you need to go get him before making cookies. To appease daughter show her how to place a small amount of sprinkles in each of the 5 bowls, explain clearly that you put just one type of sprinkles in each bowl, also explain three times how little you need in each bowl.

Step 3: Come downstairs with son to find this, in. all. five. bowls. Notice that all your sprinkles that should have lasted you a good three years are now gone. Breathe in. Pray. Talk to daughter about disobeying. Decide that Christmas cookies don't have to be perfect and move on.

Step 4: Decide that before you make the cookies you should wash son's blanket, after all he'll be having fun making cookies and shouldn't mind at all. Start washing machine. Comfort hysterical child, when that doesn't work bribe him with food.

Step 5: Read ingredients and directions, realize you are missing one ingredient and call hubby to pick up on way home from work. After all it is now 5pm and you are yet to start actually making the cookies. To appease rightly frustrated daughter, bribe her with food.

Step 6: Get missing ingredient from hubby and actually start mixing some cookies. Since it is now so late you will need to get dinner going at the same time. Place meat on the stove to cook.

Step 7: Take daughter's picture with cookie cutters in hand, even though this recipe doesn't call for cookie cutters, because daughter feels the need to accessorize in pictures. Roll cookies into balls, and allow daughter to roll in sprinkles, continue to cook dinner while daughter takes forever rolling in sprinkles. Place beans and corn on the stove top to cook.

Step 8: Place cookies on baking sheet covered with parchment paper, and flatten with the bottom of a glass, try a few glasses till you find one that actually flattens. Allow daughter to lick the spoon, then stop her when you catch her eating the bowls of sprinkles with a spoon. Throw away all but one bowl of sprinkles that did not get slobber on it, make a mental note to buy more sprinkles before next Christmas.

Step 9: Take cookies out of the oven, set on stove top next to meat, corn, and beans that are cooking on a gas stove. Call husband when you turn around and see that the parchment paper is on fire, when husband thinks it's no big deal and goes up stairs, yell for him more franticly till he comes down and saves the day. Make a mental note not to place cookie sheets with parchment paper on the stove top while the burners are on.

Step 10: Clean the ashes off of the cookies. Scoop the ashes out of the corn. Move the cookie sheet and turn back on all the burners so dinner can finish up. Give up on ever having a clean kitchen again.

Step 11: Serve cookies for dessert after dinner is served at 7:30 that night.

Step 12: Have a glass of wine before you have to tackle cleaning that war zone that once was a kitchen.

Just in time for Christmas: an infomercial

2011-12-08T20:44:00.001-06:00

Ok guys there is a lot I've been meaning to blog about, like our weekend (yes the one a whole week ago) and how we're trying to do Christmas differently this year, and how I'm afraid everyone will hate their gifts. But I'm tired and I trying to keep up with all there is to keep up with this season. So you'll have to settle for a gift idea.

One of my favorite things I own is the Prepara Herb Savor. Apparently before it was one of my favorite things it was one of Oprah's favorite things, but amazingly it doesn't cost 500 hundred dollars. And unlike Oprah I actually cook my own food, so you can believe what I have to say about it.

This thing does what it says it does, it saves your herbs. Cilantro is probably my favorite food, just the smell of it makes my whole day better. But you know how cilantro is, after one day that stuff is dead, and even I can't use a whole bunch in one day. But with the Herb Savor my cilantro is still (just) useable after three weeks. That's right THREE whole weeks!!

For the cook who has everything this year, check out the Prepara Herb Savor, cilantro lovers around the world will thank you (oh yeah it also works for other herbs).

End of infomercial, Merry Christmas!

Foreverforever part two

2011-12-04T22:09:00.001-06:00

Over Thanksgiving week we went to court to finalize Chloe's adoption. I managed to be calm leading up to the big event and during since I knew this time that it was really just a formality. Once again the judge asked us to swear that we would be Chloe's parents and she would be our child in perpetuum. This time I knew the meaning of that big word, we were promising to love her in perpetuum, or foreverforever.

There are blessings in adoption that you never see coming. Our family's relationship with our kids is one of those things. They don't get a say in whether or not they would like to become an inter-racial family, whether or not they're okay with all the waiting. When I get to spend time with them and I watch them love my children so completely, the way I do, without regard to the way they joined our family, it's one of the greatest gifts in my life. They all came out to cheer us on, we had my entire family!, plus most of Kyle's. It was really amazing to have so many people who love our children there to witness the day that Chloe officially became ours.

Afterwards we all went out for ice cream and then we took the kids to the San Antonio children's museum. Let me tell you I had no idea a children's museum could be so big and have so much fun stuff to do! They all had a blast and by the time we left it was almost dinner time and I thought my feet might fall off.

Chloe, sweet daughter of mine, here's the thing, the way I love you surprises me everyday. For some reason I am always amazed by the love God gives us for our children, and that it doesn't decrease by the time you get to number three! You're aware of your competition though and you still get mad when I try to hold or snuggle Kylynn or Jack. But you have become a whole new person in these past eight months. You feel secure, you trust that I will come back for you when you go to the nursery at church, you crack me up all day long. And as of late you have decided that as of now you are able to do all things by yourself, any help from mommy is met with high pitched squealing.

I'm not sure how we were ever getting by in this world without you, but I am so glad that you are home now, that the courts agree with my heart, that you are mine. That I get to love you foreverforever.

Hope

2011-11-29T10:07:00.001-06:00

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

It has been a rough week, maybe even a rough month, I see that I've hardly found the chance to blog during the month of November, which is a sure sign of hectic days (and maybe a sign of having to divide computer time between blogger and facebook now :). This month God has been working on me, producing hope, and while it's painful, it's also wonderful. Today my heart aches mainly from being too full and I am seeing God more clearly.

We went to San Antonio for Thanksgiving last Tuesday, and were happy to have the opportunity to spend time with family, finalize Chloe's adoption (blog to come!), and eat some turkey. And while the week started off as I would have pictured, Kylynn came down with a stomach bug Thursday night and Jack Friday afternoon.

From Thursday on my days have been filled with scrubbing, and laundry, and strangely looking around and finding so very much to be thankful for. Here's a little bit of what I recorded during those days:

*Clean sheets to replace the dirty ones
*Help from Nana in keeping up with all that needed to be done
*A peaceful drive home, where the kids mainly slept and the only incident of sickness was in a gas station!
*Christmas movies on youtube, one after another after another
*A husband who lets me sleep in till 9:30!! while he decorates the house for Christmas, even though he is just as sleep deprived as me
*A father who happily goes to the store, again!, to get what the sick ones want
*A grandma's message checking on this kiddos
*A text from a friend asking what she could get for us; remembering God has filled our lives with people who want to love us in tangible ways
*A great washing machine!
*Medicine that stops throwing up
*Chloe, Kyle and I remaining well the whole time

On Monday, I was feeling pretty good, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I was learning how to be content in all things (I love how Paul says he has learned, that this skill is something that needs to be learned). So that afternoon I called the IRS to make sure they had received our latest fax, the one that I was sure would finally resolve this mess, they say to allow 5 to 10 days, it had been 12. The fax had not been entered into the computer, and she informed me that on the 30th of this month the IRS will be mailing us a letter of deficiency. Also known as the "90 day letter" it basically means that we can either pay up or choose to go to tax court regarding the issue at hand. I started to cry while I was on the phone with the representative, I got myself together until I finished the conversation, and then had a nice cry. I told God how angry I was with Him and this situation and how I just can't believe He hasn't stepped in and fixed this already.

Then He reminded me what He had taught me that morning, I had pulled out one of the follow up lessons from Kylynn's Sunday school and it had been reflecting on, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 Do you know I've had that verse memorized for years, and every time I re-read it in the Bible I realize I've memorized it without, "with thanksgiving." And I can tell you why, it's because that didn't make sense to me, how do I petition God, with thanksgiving?

Kylynn's worksheet said that when bad things happen we need to adjust our attitude, we must choose to be grateful and when we do we won't miss out on all the blessings God has given us. I sat there crying about the IRS and God asked me to adjust my view and start telling him why I'm thankful and at first I couldn't think of much more than, I know the plans God has for me are for my good, I suddenly realized that I may be learning how to be content, but I've got a lot more learning to do! The longer I tried to do what He asked of me the easier it got:

*God is in control of this situation
*All my money is God's and He will do with it what He wills
*Material things will not last the end of this world, it is meaningless
*I would sell everything I own to have my children
*An opportunity to have a "court date" with the IRS would (I think!) resolve this issue, we are in the right
*The lady on the phone was so kind to me, especially once she realized I was upset
*God is changing me through this
*I'm not scared
*I have the money to pay the amount they think we owe
*my invisible friends who have emailed me ideas to fix this situation as they've had similar situations
*The reason I'm dealing with the IRS at all is because of a credit that I never would have dreamed would apply to me. My children are such amazing gifts
*There are so many bigger problems people face

I awoke this morning like a new person. I cannot believe how much I've been missing by taking out that "with thanksgiving" from that verse. It is through the thanksgiving that one receives the peace, it is through the thanksgiving that you can turn over your requests to God.

Today has been a great day, I have no idea what will happen with the IRS, I am sure this will not be the last time I will watch my children's body revolt against them, there will be more trials in this life, in this year, in this month, but in them He is producing this hope and it causing me to rejoice!

A thank you tree

2011-11-13T17:00:00.000-06:00

My jaw hurts and I realize I've been clenching it tight, all day long. The day was long, and everywhere I turn I see the piles of all I've left to do, my life so full of straw and hay it feels empty. This is the month of Thanksgiving, of thanks giving, of giving thanks and so I am trying to learn, this being content in all things.

I open my copy of One Thousand Gifts and my view begins to change, my hearts understanding the importance of coming into his courts with thanksgiving. I long to always in all circumstances see and believe that my God is good. I take up my pen and I write them down, the gifts, "blue sky the color of my love's eyes", "shaking a tablecloth in the front yard, knowing I'm leaving food behind for the birds."

But it's hard to stop and pay attention and there are times where I can't possibly think what it is I am to be thankful for. He screams in the aisle and I am overwhelmed and I feel like I'm failing at this shaping of the hearts who've have been entrusted to me. "I was not alone" is the only thing I find to be thankful for in that moment, He was with me, always with me. And all afternoon it seems small, scribbled in my notebook, "I was not alone", but really isn't that the biggest thing, the thing to be thankful for, that He is with us, always with us. That He didn't leave us here alone.

And so, the day goes on and there seems to be few and far things in between I can grasp onto and return to Him in thanks. So I take the one who has furrowed my brow all day long, we go outside and he happily gathers sticks for the "thank you tree." We walk along together and as he gathers, my shoulders begin to relax. I look at him and am reminded of the miracle that is my son, and suddenly the tension is gone and I feel the Spirit utters words I've never heard to praise the giver of this great gift.

I find a jar and wipe the cobwebs off the surface, and I feel Him doing the same to my heart. Beginning to make me clean, using this thanks giving to change my heart, could it be? We place the sticks in the jar, and they sit barren, empty. I get the paper, the punch, the pen. Find the notebook and turn to the page filled with words of thanksgiving. I punch, and I write and I tie. As my hands work, punch, write, tie, I feel the cleaning, the filling. I am making a thank you tree, and with each leaf placed I am practicing over and again, thanksgiving.

Punch, write, tie. You are a good God. Punch, write, tie. A God who gives life. Punch, write, tie. An abundant life. Punch, write, tie. Who takes us, so barren, and fills us up gift after good gift. And in the giving thanks we are restored.

Whatnot Wednesday (the rebel post)

2011-11-09T21:10:00.000-06:00

*I'm not even sure if Elizabeth is going to do Whatnot Wednesday, but really it's the easy way to blog and I've become a lazy blogger, so here I am the rebel WNW blogger.

*I joined facebook. Here's my story and I'm sticking to it: it is all Pinterest's fault. I went to sign up and you had to use either your facebook sign in or your twitter. Since I know even less about twitter I bit the bullet and signed up for facebook.

*Truthfully I was grateful for the excuse. And it turns out I have more self control than I gave myself credit for, up to this point it has been a fun way to stay in touch with friends and not the all consuming addiction that I feared it would be.

*I started reading, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Totally love it. The topic is amazing (thankfulness) but her writing is like poetry, so it is such a treat to read.

*I made my Thankful tree, my leaf paper punch arrived in the mail yesterday, I'm all ready to start adding what we're thankful for to it, I'm super excited! Let's hope I convert my excitement into action and put something on the tree before Thanksgiving sneaks up on me.

*I went to bed last night at 8:30, yes I did! Something is up with me lately I've been feeling just under the weather enough to be exhausted without any other symptoms. I decided yesterday I'm anemic, I'm not a doctor but I like to play one in real life.

*I also decided yesterday I have cancer, but that should be completely ignored by all, it's a bad habit I have, anytime I read an article about someone with a type of cancer I am convinced I have it.

*It's supposed to get down into the 30's tonight, yesterday I had to run my A/C, it's confusing to live in Texas, but I was so excited to put Chloe in her feety jamas tonight!

*Favorite Kylynn quote of the week: "Mommy, there is something that I'm almost tall enough to do, and pretty soon I will be tall enough to do it. I don't remember what it is, but pretty soon I will be tall enough." Me too honey, me too.

I couldn't make this stuff up

2011-11-03T14:28:00.001-05:00

photo credit

This is a true story...

April 14th: despite having a new baby for less than three weeks, Kyle completes our taxes and submits them to the IRS. We claim the remaining balance from Jack's adoption credit, causing us to owe no taxes and be entitled to a refund. We include with our paperwork the adoption decree from the US court system.

May: we receive a letter from the IRS, stating that they are reviewing our taxes, specifically our adoption credit and will get back to us within 30 days.

June: we receive a letter from the IRS stating that they require further proof of the money spent to adopt Jack. Not a problem we submit receipts from our biggest expenses (as the adoption credit is for less than the actual costs to adopt a child from South Korea).

July: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us that they received our paperwork and will respond in 30 days.

August: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us that they have opened our mail and will get back to us in 30 days.

September: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us they have yet to have the chance to look at our paperwork but we will hear from them within 30 days.

October: we receive a letter from the IRS telling us that our adoption credit is frozen and we owe the government taxes plus a 20% penalty. After calling and speaking to a very rude representative Kyle is told that the credit is being denied (frozen) because we did not include our adoption decree with our paperwork we submitted in June. Kyle tells her that we sent that with our original taxes and it was not requested in June. She informs him that what we sent back in April is, "on file" and they will not pull something up from file we must resubmit. Kyle sends in the adoption decree again and just for good measure, Jack's green card, new birth certificate and social security card.

November: we receive a letter from the IRS, stating that they received our paperwork but our adoption credit is to remain frozen, we owe the government taxes plus a 20% penalty. We are being denied due to the lack of a, "translated foreign adoption certificate." There is no such paperwork, Korean adoptions cannot be finalized in Korea, you are not allowed to finalize a Korean adoption until six months after you take guardianship, therefore our adoption was legalized in the United States.

I call and somehow manage not to yell at the representative and end up with a knowledgeable and kind woman. She informs me that this makes no sense to her that we have submitted all the paperwork we need and that the paperwork he is requesting doesn't exist (tell me about it!) She says she will send the employee in charge of our case a note to call us so that we can explain the situation to him and get this issue resolved. She says we will hear from him by the end of this week. We are yet to hear from him.

Here's the good news: God is not surprised by this situation. God is not frustrated by the IRS's lack of understanding, God is not angry at the man who is refusing to process our adoption credit. God's got the situation under control, and he's not worried about how it's all going to turn out.

Would you pray for us that God would resolve this situation with the IRS this month, that we would receive our refund, and that we would feel his peace as we deal with it and even manage to be a light to those we interact with while we work it out. Thank you friends!

And the winner is...

2011-10-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

The winner of the No Biking in the House Without a Helmet is comment #2, Barbara!! Congrats Barbara, email me (achosenchildblog[at]gmail[dot]com) and I'll get your information to send it to you.

Thank you guys for the birthday wishes I ~~twisted your arm for~~ enticed out of you, it was fun pretending to be Pioneer Woman for a week and doing my very own giveaway :)

Enjoy the weekend I'm looking up some new soup recipes and checking out the books y'all recommended to me.

*I used Random.org to generate a random number for me*

A Doctor, a Roman solider, and Dorothy walk into a Fall festival

2011-10-28T10:52:00.002-05:00

Happy Halloween my dear friends. We made our first of four appearances in our costumes. I thought they were all so cute, but the winner of the night was Jack. His costume got so much attention, with all kinds of people coming up to me to compliment it. Then after jumping in the bounce house, he was the last kiddo to come out and all the parents standing there starting cheering, yay! for the gladiator, he had a fan club! :) So thank you Nana, the costume was one of the best there.

Dorothy, thank you God for Target putting out red sparkly shoes this time of year!

My Roman Solider/Gladiator the star of the show

my little doctor

We had the most fun yet at this year's Country Fair at our church! Despite the rain, the kids had a blast, I ate really yummy food, Kyle won something on the cake walk, and we all enjoyed a hay ride! Chloe was so cute when she got to pick out candy at each booth she was very consistent, she picked a lollipop each time, it's the only candy she's ever had and I guess she's not much of a risk taker :). Kylynn was old enough this year to really play all the games and have a great time doing it. Jack was really excited to get some candy but didn't want to have to play a game to get it. I hope you're all enjoying this season as much as we are.

ps-don't forget you have until today at 5pm to enter my giveaway!

It's my birthday and I'll do a giveaway if I want to

2011-10-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

This week is my birthday. I'm turning 32, and I'm told I don't look a day over 35 so there's that. I was thinking about what I wanted for my day, and one of the things that came to my mind was "comments."

If you are not a blogger then this probably does not make any sense to you, but getting a comment on a post you wrote is truly a gift. I love getting to hear what someone out there thought about a topic, I love knowing that at least one person read my blog, and most of all it is through comments that I have made new friends, some of them who have become people I adore and talk about constantly (although I do always preface it with you know my friend I've never met....).

Then last week I finished reading, No Biking in the House without a helmet by Melissa Fay Greene, I knew that I had to do my first giveaway. It's the perfect combination, I get to give you a book I think you'll love and at the same time I get to meet some of you out there who read this blog :).

The memoir, No Biking in the House, is one of the best books I have read in a really long time. Bottom line, it made me happy and I didn't want it to end. I completely fell in love with this family, I wanted to move next door so that I could spend time with them everyday.

Melissa Faye Green's is the mother to nine children, four by birth, and five by adoption. This memoir begins when they have reached a point in their life where they must decide whether or not to try for a fifth child and tells their rather gradual and perhaps accidental path to adoption from there.

I must tell you, this book is just the story of their family, it is not a how-to on international adoption, or a book on dealing with the issues sure to come with adopting older children (though she certainly could write either of those books). There is no preaching to be found, instead it is full of honesty in their successes and failures, including their doubts and second thoughts during each adoption.

This book made me laugh out loud, which is something I rarely do while reading. I was inspired by her ability to relax about the craziness of having a family of eleven, her laid back approach was contagious. It also made me cry, admittedly it was because of my own life experiences, but her love and devotion to her children and the journey they take to bring each one of them home is very touching.

It's hard for me not to not just start over on page one, but I figure the next best thing is not let you start on page one, then we can discuss. :) So if you would like a copy of No Biking in the House without a helmet by Melissa Fay Greene, leave a comment telling me the last book you told all your friends about.

If you would like to blog, facebook, or tweet about the giveaway go for it, please leave a *new* comment for each one you do. Each person is allowed up to 3 comments. The chance to enter the giveaway will end Friday at 5pm and I will randomly pick a winner and announce it by next Monday!

*I just wanted to give away a book I loved to one of y'all, it's a gift from me to you, Melissa Fay Greene has no idea who I am.*

Coming Monday..

2011-10-21T18:09:00.001-05:00

I read a book that made me so happy that it made me want to buy a copy for all my friends and hand them out. And since y'all are some of my favorite friends I thought I'd start with you. So, I'm going to do my first ever giveaway next week! I am super excited, check back on Monday for all the details.

I hope you have a restful weekend. Anyone else have that baking urge, I think the sight of pumpkins brings it on.

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-10-19T20:51:00.000-05:00

A Jack quote that I have made part of my daily vocabulary, "I love you like a honey bee makes lots and lots of honey." Love is hard to explain sometimes and you know what I think he's on to something.

A Jack quote that I will never correct as long as he keeps it up:
Jack: I'm a bad guy and Chloe your a bad Chloe, we're bad Asians!
Mommy: (laughing), you're what?
J: bad Asians!
M: (crying laughing) you mean you are bad agents?
J: no, mommy, we are bad Asians!

Does anyone else wear aprons these days. I have this apron my mother-in-law got me from Williams Sonoma and it is beautiful, so beautiful I actually considered planning my study around the colors in it. But anyways I love to wear, it's very flattering, and I usually only need to wear it when I'm wearing nice clothes and don't want to get food/cleaning stuff on them. So when I put it on I feel like I just traveled back to the 50's, with my heels, and dress, with my apron on top. The problem is I think I'm the only one out there wearing an aprom and feel weird so I always take it off if I need to answer the door, or see someone.

I had a salted carmel mocha (or latte I can't remember) at Starbucks yesterday. Our weather finally cooled off, it was in the 60's and chilly! I just couldn't allow myself to go home, so I headed to Target, because I'm in love with Target (I know who isn't?) While I was there I passed by the Starbucks and they had their big chalkboard with the fall flavors that they offer this time of year. They are advertising geniuses, there was something about it that made me feel like it was a requirement of a real fall day to order up on of these hot drinks. The verdict: a little too salted and too much carmel for my taste.

Kyle said to me the other day, "I think I'm ready for an iphone." Stranger words have never been spoken. Don't get too excited though, Kyle is known for moving slowly on purchases like this. Plus I think I'm over it, I told him that I think one would be great for him but I'll just stick with the normal phone. Although the next day after I said that to him, I decided that it was the dumbest thing I've ever said, so we'll see.

Jack goes to speech therapy two times a week and his therapist is a wonderful lady, I adore her. The other day she came out into the waiting room and was going over what they worked on that day and as she was looking at me and talking to me, my nose decided to, all the sudden out of nowhere, run down my face. I swear I didn't feel it coming, one minute I was a normal person, the next minute I turned red and started wiping my nose with my hand and sniffing like a maniac. She was nice enough to look away and pretend like she somehow didn't notice.

Our family glamping trip

2011-10-18T13:30:00.002-05:00

We went on a walk around McKinney Falls State park on Sunday, to end our weekend long camping trip. Along Onion Creek is the rugged camping spots. They are beautiful, breathtakingly so, I wanted to not just camp there but build my home there, to run away from all of society and only have to answer to my Lord and the birds each morning.

But we did not camp in the rugged camping area, where there is no electricity, and shared water. Where there is no access by car, you must hike in and out, and also hike to and from the bathroom. No that style of camping lives only in my fantasies, our family is not so much campers as we are glampers- glamor campers, for those unfamiliar with the term.

We fill our van up to the very top with everything you could imagine. There is of course the typical camping gear: tents, sleeping bags and pads, a camp stove, a lantern, and chairs. But there is also a booster chair for Miss Cloe, a fan to help our children sleep, a giant tote (I mean big!) full of food, a cooler full of food, sippy cups, our chili pepper lights to string around our site, bikes, buckets and shovels, a potty, and about a hundred other random things we think our children might need to get through the weekend.

When it's cold we have both a fan for noise and a heater in our tent to keep us warm, now that right there is the definition of glamping! This weekend it was not cold, it was the hottest I have ever camped in, with temps getting up into the upper 90's Saturday afternoon. Fortunately McKinney Falls has wonderful waterfalls and creeks to swim in, unfortunately due to the drought the waterfalls were non-existent and the water was too dangerous to swim in because of the algae.

Instead we walked around several of the different areas of the park and participated in the activities they had going on that day. There are some caves up on the cliffs that Native Americans lived in thousands of years ago, and I always love walking up to them, it reminds me of how big my God really is. The park had several different people there with activities the kids could do, they made an arrow head out of flint, learned about the sotol plant, and cut wood.

Kyle tried to make the weekend a bit of a treat for me by taking me to IKEA on the way to camping to let me pick out what I wanted for a work space. It was a surprise and I felt so loved for him to go so far out of the way (when we already had a really full car) to get me something I've been wanting. Kyle's brother came up on Saturday and the kids were really excited to have another adult to talk to and pay attention to them. He brought them each a carved pumpkin, which they were super excited about!

Despite the heat, it was a really good weekend, we all had a lot of fun, and I so much enjoyed getting to spend so much time being active and together as a family. And of course I was so excited to get home and take a much needed shower. How about y'all what'd you do this weekend?

Where I store my treasures

2011-10-13T13:47:00.000-05:00

When Kyle and I look at our finances and discuss the different categories you are sure to hear me say, "the one area of my life that I know I am being obedient to God is in our financial giving." It occurs to me for the first time in a long time that that is no longer true. Somewhere along the way I stopped regularly asking God what he would like for us to give and switched over to an equation, as long as I met my equation I was good.

It didn't hurt that I live in a country where giving sacrificially is rarely a part of people's plan for success. So I took a look to the left and the right, for good measure looked across from me and behind me and sure enough I was doing a good (no, a great) job because compared to the majority I was practically a saint.

Then I sat down to eat my lunch and read what Flower Patch Farmgirl had to say on "Letting go of Money." And God rocked my world,

I wanted a reasonable justification for staying rich. I didn't want to suffer at all for charity. I didn't want to know what it felt like to sacrifice, though in my mind, I would be sacrificing. I would be sacrificing the things I would never have. Something like this, "I could be driving around in a brand new Toyota, but instead I'm still in my beat-up Ford Explorer. I could be wearing designer jeans, but instead I'm in Target jeans that smell funky when you buy them. See how I sacrifice for the poor?"

I killed two birds with one stone. I sacrificed nothing at all, but I still went to bed at night convinced that I had.

This is not a post about money being evil or about needing to sell all your possessions in order to truly follow God. No, money is neutral, our attitude towards it is not. What I discovered when I sat down and read Shannan's honest words was there is a lot of sin wrapped up in my giving, both in why I do it and in the amounts I choose.

I honestly don't know what God has to say to us yet about our giving, but what I realized was it is something I need to check in with him about and renew my commitment to submitting that area of my life to him, fully. That somehow I had begun to store up treasures here on earth, and I know better. Go check out this post, it'll make you think.

You at 18 months

2011-10-10T20:28:00.003-05:00

I love shoes, any will do!

My beautiful daughter, you are 18 months old, and you have been home with us for 6 months now. Soon we will go to court and make it all official, as if it could be more official than the family God has built for us. You have made our family stop and pay attention to the blessings around us. You have made me remember why I love being a mama, what's really important to me in this life, and just how little control I have over anything in this world.

Today you stayed in the nursery for the whole time, it made me weepy and nervous, as I'd always been called back after only 20 minutes. Your Daddy read my mind and went and checked on you. You were not thrilled but you were not crying most of your time in there, just one more answer to prayers.

Do you know how much you have been prayed for, I surely don't know the extent of it, though I know it involves many people who loved you before they ever knew you. Every night I pray for you as I lay you down, that you will feel safe, you will know you are loved, that God would heal you of the pain I still see in your heart.

your first time to play playdoh and you didn't even try and eat it, I was shocked...I still am tempted to eat it!

I call you "munchy" it's short for munchkin and really has no meaning behind it, but as I sit here to type this you are on round 5 of your snack and it occurs to me what an apt nickname it is, as you are always eating, you always have the munchies :).

I often get comments on how petite you are, and you are like a little doll, so tiny and perfect, with your porcelain skin and your almond eyes. But here's the thing you are in the 30th percentile for height, you are far below in weight but as I mentioned before that's nothing I can worry about with all the food you ingest.

You will not understand this until you have children of your own, but over these six months I have gone from loving you and knowing you were mine, to falling head over heels in love with you. Mommies love their children with a kind of crazy love, I often catch myself looking at you, doing your cute things you do, and I feel like my heart might explode inside my chest. I cannot believe that He gave you to me, you are a gift beyond what I could have imagined.

Speaking of cute things you do, you have quite the personality now, you smile on command and you know when to turn on the charm to get what you want. Your Daddy would rope the moon for you if you were to ask, he has no ability to tell you no, but considering how long he had to wait for you to trust him, I can't say I blame him one bit.

packing up to "leave", got your glasses on

One of your favorite games to play right now are "wait right there." In this game you go to the play kitchen and make me some food, bring it to me and then hold out your hand as if to say, wait right there, and go and get me more food. You do this over and over again. You also really enjoy, "bye bye." In this game you get your backpack (that we bought for you in Korea) and put it on, then come and give everyone a kiss and a hug and tell us bye bye! You return 10 seconds later and we repeat the process. If you find of your sissy's purses this game becomes more fun for you and more cute to watch.

bye bye

You demand more of my attention than either of your older siblings, you've had your first ER trip, and I'm afraid it won't be your last. You are a climber and an explorer and a fan of the toilet, toilet paper, paper towels, crayons, you get the picture. I was under the impression that because you were my third you would also be easy and laid back and I was sorely mistaken :).

I've never seen siblings love each other the way you and Jack love each other. It makes me so happy, to see you two find each other's hands as we walk in the park or drive home from school. You have become a hitter and he's yet to hit you back, but I would hope that you won't push him too far. You study him and copy everything he does.

caught you putting on my underwear, just like mommy!

I am amazed at your ability to re-produce what you see us do. You can open doors (if you can reach the handle), open tubes of cream, turn on water, get soap, and my favorite, if the pantry is left open you will go in find the box of raisins, open them and eat them by the handfuls!

You have begun to give us kisses and it is the best thing that's happend to me it seems, not just because I love your kisses, but because you are showing us that you too love us back, and we waited so long for that. You now shout, DaDa when ever he comes home and you get excited everyday we go to pick up the big kids from school. You understand that this is your family, you feel safe here, you feel loved. I can't wait to see what God has in store for our life together.

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-10-05T22:16:00.002-05:00

*Last night I awoke at 4 o'clock in the morning from a deep sleep because I knew that a bug was crawling on my arm. It was all very real. I am not sure however how I could have known it was real and not part of a dream, but I had to turn on the lights to make sure. Doing so found no bug, but did wake up my sleep deprived hubby, then I couldn't fall asleep, making said hubby leave to sleep on the couch. At some point before my alarm went off I managed to get another 3 minutes of sleep.

*All day I kept seeing the blanket on the couch, and the alarm clock on the table next to it and telling myself, you need to clean that up in case a neighbor stops by, if not someone will think y'all are having problems :). Apparently in my head I live in a world where neighbors stop by to chat and are very judgmental, I think one too many re-runs of 50's sitcoms.

*I love the way Jack prays, he has such faith. He never asks for anything, but instead if he hurts his leg he prays, "Dear God, thank you for making my leg better." Without fail this is how he prays as if everything on his list is something God will take care of, no need to worry about it a minute more. I could learn a thing or two from him.

*Jack could also teach us all a thing or two about knowing what will make someone the absolutely maddest they could be. Twice this week when he was mad at Kyle or I (for the stupidest things I must point out) and he peed on his carpet on purpose. Just typing that makes me mad again, that boy is a genius, he wants to do something to get back at me and he has found the absolutely perfect thing.

*Lost has ruined every show I watch. Whenever I decide to watch one of my taped regular shows instead of watching an episode of Lost, I'm left thinking, that was okay I guess, but not really all that exciting.

*We got to go visit my grandmother in Decatur this past weekend. Every time I go there I don't want to leave. Somehow I managed to forget my camera which is really unfortunate, we did a lot of neat things. We went to a catfish fry at the Greenwood store (which is in a town of about 15) and there were some local men playing bluegrass, behind them was the wooden shelves stocked with cans of tuna fish and diet coke, and Chloe sat in a high chair dancing and clapping, and eating more pieces of catfish than I did. It was one of those moments I wanted a picture of, then again because I didn't have a camera I made sure to imprint it in my memory.

*Kylynn is growing up before my eyes and I want to sit on her and make her stop. The other morning I was running behind on getting everyone ready and out the door, she took Jack upstairs and helped him brush his teeth, put on his socks and shoes, put on Chloe's socks and shoes, and then helped Jack pack his backpack, all of her own initiative. I stopped and realized just how much I couldn't do this without her, she makes me so proud. I think it's time I took her out for a date, it's been too long.

*Chloe adores Jack, she follows him around and wants to do everything he does, and he seems to think being a big brother is the world's best job, I've yet to see him lose his patience with her. Today in the car I looked back and they were holding hands over the edge of their car seats. Here is a video* of the two of them playing air hockey (craigslist find) against Daddy, they're a cute pair!

*please forgive the voice of Kylynn in the background begging for me to take her picture

Right, Wrong, or just Different

2011-09-29T20:18:00.000-05:00

Kyle and I were having an argument last night. You know the kind where you get off topic and weave and wind till nothing anyone is saying makes much since, we were arguing for the sake of arguing. But at one point during it I said, the problem is instead of just thinking that you and I are different, you think your right and I'm wrong. Exactly, he said, finally something we could agree on.

Once upon a time our arguments included yelling and insulting and anger so big it couldn't fit in the room with us. Over the years God has worked on our hearts and our marriage till we've both reached the place of desiring a loving marriage more than we desire to be right. So there was not really any anger last night as much as there was frustration as we tried to find a middle ground.

It begin over whether or not to invite someone to accompany our family to an activity, he was in the yes category, I was in the no. This is a common place we find ourselves, having become so similar in most of our thinking, it's surprising to me just how far apart we stand on this issue.

Kyle loves people, I love people too but in a different way. Kyle enjoys inviting anyone and everyone to do, well anything with us. It doesn't matter to him if he has just met the person or if we're long friends, they are equal opportunity to invite along on a family vacation, an impromptu lunch at our messy house, an outing to the local park. Kyle has very few what I would call close friends, but the man is friends with just about everyone in this town and if it were up to him he would love to have each one of them here day after day till we reached the end, and then start all over again.

I am, at my core, the opposite. I enjoy spending time with my family and just my family. For some reason in my head the event is less significant if it involves other people. I realize that, at least in part, this is not the way that God has asked me to live my life, so I have over the years moved slowly, step by step, over to Kyle's camp.

We now have people in our home for a meal a couple times a week, I don't yell when Kyle invites someone over without warning me first, I have come to accept the fact that people do not care whether or not my house is clean, and I truly enjoy the sound of my home filled with a large number of people fellowshipping together.

But, oh yes here it is, the "but" I was trying to get him to understand. I believe that there is something that is different and important about family time. That there is something to be said for spending time together with just your family. Something special about being alone with just your spouse or just your child.

Or at least that was how I felt last night, while we argued in circles about nothing, me not quite able to get my footing in my argument, because frankly, I was treading on shaky ground. While there is something unique and even necessary about spending time alone with members of your family, to imply that we don't get enough of it, that we need to turn away lonely friends, to carve out some more "family time" was plain selfishness.

When I allow myself and my home to be used by God I am able to love my neighbor, to love the least of these. When we bring along people into our lives, into our activities, and our meals, they become part of our family. They remind me a family is not people who share a last name but those who share a Father God. Me and Kyle, we are different, sure, but this time I was also wrong.

Linking it up

2011-09-24T15:11:00.000-05:00

While I love to write here on this blog, I love reading other people's blogs even more. Here are some of the best posts I've read in the past couple of weeks. Click on the titles to read the entire post.

And you, what did you love reading this week, leave me the link, I'm always looking for a great blog to read!

Christ the Church and Pat Robertson on Moore to the Point

Sadly, many of our neighbors assume that when they hear the parade of cartoon characters we allow to speak for us, that they are hearing the gospel. They assume that when they see the giggling evangelist on the television screen, that they see Jesus. They assume that when they see the stadium political rallies to “take back America for Christ,” that they see Jesus. But Jesus isn’t there.

Jesus tells us he is present in the weak, the vulnerable, the useless. He is there in the least of these (Matt. 25:31-46). Somewhere out there right now, a man is wiping the drool from an 85 year-old woman who flinches because she think he’s a stranger. No television cameras are around. No politicians are seeking a meeting with them.

But the gospel is there. Jesus is there.

A response to Mark Driscoll's Poverty Parable on Sit a Spell

So no thanks, Mark Driscoll. Peddle that bike parable somewhere else please. Ride it around in front of people stronger and more mature in their faith than I am, because when I read your post I'm tempted to think that God gave me my beautiful, giant house in one of the safest neighborhoods with the nicest schools. I'm tempted to believe that God gave me my Expedition. I'm tempted to believe that God gave me my clothes from Ann Taylor Loft. I'm tempted to believe that my stuff fell straight from heaven, so why not enjoy it instead of owning the fact that I used my own brain to decide what house to buy. The truth is, God provided the money and I picked out my car. I picked out my clothing. I decided how much to spend on me and how much I'd give to my neighbors who have nothing. God gave me the money and I decided whether or not I needed a bike and if it should be top of the line or one I bought at a garage sale for $20.

God gave the money. I made the decisions.

After the Airport on Jen Hatmaker.com

I followed a God into this story who heals and redeems, who restores wasted years and mends broken places. This God specializes in the Destroyed. I've seen it. I've been a part of it. I have His ancient Word that tells of it. I love a Jesus who made reconciliation his whole mission. My children will not remain broken. They are loved by too good a Savior. I will not remain exhausted and spent. I am loved by too merciful a Father.

So today, I'm writing for you who are somewhere "after the airport." The big moment is over and you are living in the aftermath when the collective grief or euphoria has passed. You lost a parent, a sibling, a friend, a child. The experience mobilized every single human being who loves you, and they rallied, gathered, carried you. And now it's three months later on a random Tuesday, and the sting has worn off for everyone else, and you are left in your sorrow.

Being a Curvy Girl married to a Skinny Guy on Curvy Girl Guide

I love my husband very much.

But sometimes I hate him, too.

You see, I am married to a Perpetually Skinny. You know the type. They’re the ones who can eat whatever they want without gaining weight. They’re the ones whose metabolism never actually catches up as they age. They’re the ones who can order a pair of jeans online and be reasonably assured that they are going to look great when they put them on.

Come with Me on Flower Patch Farmgirl

But then I would think of what's ahead of us and I'd know it all again. We are going. We don't know where, exactly, but it's different from here, and that's exciting and it's also a little weepy, a little anxious-feeling. For a long time, I would have equated the butterflies with an absence of peace, but I know better this time around. I know that sometimes it's necessary to gather up some extra courage and jump with your eyes closed. Because what's faith without a little fear? How much do we really need to trust when what we're doing is our favorite thing, the easiest thing, the quietest thing?

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-09-20T19:53:00.001-05:00

The day Chloe needed to go to the ER for her cut lip, Jack seemed to, at no point, be aware of what was going on. Despite Kyle and I yelling and running around (yes we do not do well under stress), Jack kept repeating over and over, mommy I washed my hands, wanting me to praise him for doing this without being asked. When Chloe came home I said, "look Jack Chloe is back and she's all better." He came over to her and said, "oh Chloe your back is all better." I ignored him not sure of what to say until later that afternoon when he came up to her again and rubbed her back and said, "I'm so glad your back is all better." I couldn't resist speaking up, "no Jack remember Chloe cut her lip and it was bleeding, her lip is better!" He gave me a confused look and just said, "oh."

So I found some fat in my budget after all and I've stopped using someone to clean my house. There is good news, she only came once a month and had begun to do a pretty crummy job so really I feel glad to save the money and do a better job myself. The problem is to clean my whole house in the small windows of time I have available will take about three months, more or less :).

I can't remember if I told y'all but I thought Chloe had ringworm for almost four months! I had taken her to the pediatrician and she glanced at it and said, oh yeah keep treating it, it can take a long time to clear up. Thankfully we have a friend who is a doctor who looked at it at church and said that it wasn't ringworm, but eczema. Sure enough now that we're putting lotion on it instead of anti-fungal cream it looks great. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders I had begun to think that she would never be able to overcome this "ringworm" because the more I treated it the worse it looked, go figure!

Does anyone else hate getting their hair cut? For me it has about as much appeal as going to a doctor's appointment. I know it's supposed to be this relaxing thing I can do for myself and truly I wish it was. For some reason haircuts have always made me anxious, the sitting in the chair for hours (if I'm having my hair colored) making small talk, the praying it turns out good, the trying to be bold enough to speak up if you don't like it. I know I have issues, but hey I bet you've got some too :).

Jack consistently puts both his shirt and shorts on backwards, every single day. You would think if it was an accident that at least some days, by chance, he would get at least one of them on right. Every time I see him walking around with his backwards clothes (no I rarely bother to fix them) I think of Kriss Kross. In my middle school there were people who actually wore their clothes completely backwards just like Kriss Kross. Even as a very impressionable pre-teenager, who knew that those were the cool kids, I couldn't help but think they looked stupid and uncomfortable. But it is a catchy song....Kriss Kross will make you jump, jump....

Fellow bloggers does this ever happen to you? When I go to parties and see friends of mine I haven't seen in a while, they often greet me with, "how are you, I'm sorry I haven't/I don't read your blog." In case you are a friend of mind in the real world know this, it never even enters my mind to assume someone knows how I am because I have a blog and I definitely never assume anyone out there actually reads this stuff. But I wouldn't mind new readers maybe next time someone asks me how I'm doing I'll just hand them a card with my blog address on it and say, "just go read about it."

ps- don't forget you can post your own Whatnot Wednesday post, just click the button to link up!

Calling All Ags: Help us Give Life to Women and Babies in Haiti

2011-09-19T10:11:00.000-05:00

Check this out over at Sit a Spell, even if your not an Aggie: Calling All Ags: Help us Give Life to Women and Babies in Haiti

I miss nap time!

2011-09-18T22:54:00.002-05:00

back in the good ol' days of napping

For a good five years once a day, most every day, I laid down my children one by one, after diapers and potty, putting on pajamas, reading books, for their daily nap.

It didn't matter that they began to protest this need for sleep, or that they reached the age where friends were allowed to go nap free. Here's the thing, nap time has always been a little bit more about my need for them to nap, than it is about their need to nap.

Over the years it has evolved into "rest time" a time where they don't have to sleep but they do have to rest quietly in their rooms for a period of time, followed by a time of quiet playing.

This concept worked great with Kylynn when she finally outgrew naps (only about a year ago), she was happy to play with her dollhouse, look at books, or "read" in her room making not a peep. This allowed for nap time to continue without change, the other kiddos could nap without being disturbed and I could have some time to myself to break up my day.

Then Jack reached the magical, I'm not tired age, and unlike his sister he wasn't kidding. That boy would not fall asleep, not ever, no matter how evident his need for a nap was. So I of course implemented "rest time" with him. He would have to stay in his bed and look at books for 20 minutes (he knows when he can get out based on the hands of the clock) and then he could play quietly in his room.

The problem is Jack is not interested in anything that is quiet, anything that involves rest, or spending anytime at all in his bed. So every. single. day. I go into his room countless times to deal with the fact that he has gotten out of bed before the set time. Then when, yippee, play time has come he has this compulsion to open and close his door over and over again, very loudly. He knows he's not supposed to do it, but I swear sometimes I think he can't help it.

If by chance I decide to lay down and take a nap, I am usually awakened very suddenly after a very short nap by a slamming door, if I manage to fall back asleep the whole scene will repeat itself in 90 seconds. Needless to say this makes me rather angry and puts a damper on my afternoon. If I decide to stay up and get somethings accomplished I spend so much time going up and down the stairs dealing with Jack, that I get nothing accomplished and again end up angry and in a foul mood for the afternoon.

Either way, I lose, nap time is no longer something I look forward to. Instead of being a nice time of quiet around the house for us all to rest and prepare for the rest of our day, nap time has become a time to see if we can make mommy lose her mind.

And it's working, there is not much left to this mind of mine....I miss nap time!

A good weekend, even when it wasn't

2011-09-13T13:40:00.000-05:00

We had an eventful weekend this past week. Friday night we went to an ice cream party to say goodbye to our family (ok our friends but y'all get it, right?). I couldn't sleep that night because I kept writing and re-writing one of my friends a "goodbye letter." She had planted the seed in my mind and my mind was trying hard to not be devastated, so it wrote letters, over and over.

Saturday morning we had our six month, and final, home visit for Chloe's adoption. Once the paperwork is complete we can finalize it! It was bittersweet to say goodbye to our social worker, she has been visiting our family for four and half years, since we applied to begin Jack's adoption up until the finalization of Chloe's. The whole time she was there I kept thinking, we can't be done here, nope, no way we're done. Kyle looked at me like a crazy person when I told him that, so alas we might be done, but I've got a feeling that God can work on Kyle's heart if I'm right.

We then went on to run several shopping errands, eat some frozen yogurt at lunch time in order to get in two more stores, and came home to eat late lunches and take long late naps! This was a happy accident because that night we had a wedding to go to. Yes that's right, these people actually invited our three small children to their wedding as well :). It was such a lovely wedding, outside in the country, we ate yummy Mexican food, and the kids were amazing little munchkins.

Sunday after church we decided to go on a bike ride. We very much want to get back into this habit, but I feel a bit like I'm starting all over again, maybe not square one, but definitely square two. I have to pull the trailer behind me in order for us all to be able to go on "big" rides again. So we packed up some water and snacks and headed out. I hadn't been feeling great that morning so I didn't eat a snack and for some unknown reason didn't drink any water either. Sunday was much hotter than it had been all week and I am terribly out of shape, so it was a hard ride.

We took a break in the park and Kyle played with all the kids, everyone was having the best time. It was really truly the perfect day, for awhile at least. When we got home I was feeling like I needed to go lay down under the ceiling fan, I had pushed myself hard, so I made the mistake of going in and leaving Chloe outside, with my bike up on it's kickstand.

Next thing I know I hear Kyle run in with Chloe screaming a horrible cry and see blood everywhere. She had pulled my bike down on her and her teeth had gone through her lip. It took a while to figure out where she was bleeding from, once we got a look at the cut we decided she needed stitches. I gave her a popsicle, something I had once read on Vitafamiliae's blog (see blog reading is useful!), to help stop the bleeding in her mouth and Kyle set off for the hospital which is less than a mile from our home.

I was supposed to join him up there as soon as I managed to stop blacking out, remember I'm a fainter, and got something to eat and drink into me and the kids. While I was running around grabbing things, I noticed Kylynn was sprawled on the arm of the couch moaning. I went to check on her and she kept saying, it's going to hurt her so bad when they give her stitches. Then she said, mommy I'm going to throw up. She never did but as she was hanging out over the toilet, she started to pass out, I carried her over to the couch and got a wet washcloth on her head, and got her to come back around. So I called Kyle to see what to do and luckily he said Chloe was fine and there was no reason for us to come.

In the end the doctor was able to glue her lip closed and she was not traumatized enough by the experience to stop trying to climb everything in her path. We could see God's hand at work throughout the ordeal, she was happy to be comforted by Kyle (which is huge, when she was so upset) and he was back in only a couple of hours, so as to still be able to have a normal afternoon and evening.

It was a good weekend, a really good weekend, it reminded me that God is in control and that all things work together for the good to those who love the Lord.

Not room enough to store it

2011-09-09T15:12:00.003-05:00

Money has been tight around here lately and to tell you the truth I have no idea why. I suppose it's the combination of another family member to feed (one who looks like she hardly eats but eats as much as an adult), the crazy electricity bills due to the extreme heat, and the increase in the price of food.

In the month of August I spent twice my grocery budget, yeah that's right I spent double what I had allotted. Obviously I need to actually live within my budget better, find areas to make sacrifices, and my grocery budget is too low.

I began to look at the budget to find some extra money to move over to groceries and there wasn't money anywhere to cut. We long ago cut any real fat, no cable, cellphones from the 90's ;), eating out very little, own our cars, you get the picture there was nowhere to steal the money from. Until I noticed one column that seemed like it had extra, the column containing God's money.

I mean surely God wouldn't mind if I took some money out of that column, it's not like I live an extravagant life or anything. There are so many things I could buy to make our house nicer, to dress in clothes that would help me fit in better, to allow my children to see the world if I could just take some of the money God had asked for and give it back to me.

Luckily God has taught me time and again over the years that I can trust Him with my (ok His) money. He has asked us to set aside that amount of money for Him, not because He needs my money, but because it teaches me to store up my treasures in heaven not here on this earth, because it causes me to have to trust Him, because it allows me to see Him work in great and tangible ways.

“Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.
“But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’
“In tithes and offerings. ⁹ You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. ¹⁰ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. ¹¹ I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the LORD Almighty. ¹² “Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,” says the LORD Almighty. Malachi 3:8-12 (emphasis mine)

I love this verse, I feel like it is one of my life verses, every time I read it I get emotional. It is so easy to think that God is not good, that if we give Him too much we will have less, but the truth I have seen in my life is the more I give Him the more I have. And, yes, I actually mean in part, the more I have financially, but it is a cycle that keeps repeating. More importantly the more faith I have, the more hope I have, the more I have been able to loosen my grip on the things of this world and pay attention to what really matters.

I love this story that a college student in our home church shared with us one evening. One summer he worked as a waiter making very little money, but felt God laying on his heart to give large amounts on Sunday morning. Every Sunday morning he would give the amount God had laid on his heart and then the next day at work He would make exactly the amount he had given in tips, the exact amount, every Monday, all summer long. I love the way God is not subtle!

So this month I'm waiting on the Lord to provide, I have been taught that His promises are true.

A real date to celebrate the first

2011-09-05T11:56:00.000-05:00

We went out on our first really real date since Chloe came home, this weekend. We hired a babysitter, left all three children behind, and only put Chloe to bed (so as to not know she was being left with a babysitter). We took the night off to celebrate the anniversary of our first date.

September 1999 a few weeks after our first date at the Kolache Festival

A lot has changed in 12 years, the dorm I met him at is now an office building and the Bennigans we ate at is now an AT&T store. We now have three kids to bathe before we can leave for the night and a budget with very small numbers in it when it comes to entertainment.

But a lot has stayed the same. We're still here in Aggieland, what was supposed to be a stop to enjoy the best years of our lives, has turned into our home where we've learned that the years keep getting better. We drove to our date in the same pick up truck we did 12 years ago, and I held the same hand and looked into the same blue eyes.

December 1999 about a week before we got engaged

The first time I met Kyle I knew that I had just met my husband, I knew that my future would include him, for some reason God saw it fit to show me that much of my future. He didn't show me what the rest would include, not the days I thought that maybe I had just lived a perfect day nor the ones when I thought that surely we would never figure out becoming one flesh. But he allowed me to experience each one, in order to mold me into the woman and wife he wants be to become.

And we're just getting started. I wonder what it's like to when you get to fifty years, what it's like to no longer remember being anything except each other's. To know how to submit to one another and put the other's needs before your own, everyday. I have tried it both ways and it has taught me, a marriage without God at the center is impossible, a marriage with God at the center is still one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but absolutely worth every moment.

About those goals...

2011-08-30T21:10:00.001-05:00

You may recall back at the beginning of June I made some goals of things to accomplish this summer. I'm a planner, a list maker, and I love to have some goals that I'm striving for, but I'm also a mom to three whose is currently really proud of herself if the kids get a bath every other night and the dishes stay done. So there will be no guilt here for things left undone, I just wanted to see how I did.

Here were the goals I set, anything I accomplished I crossed off and the bold are my comments on how it went,

1. Read five of the non-fiction books I have been meaning to read forever. I am currently reading ~~Mere Christianity~~ (more on that soon) the other four will come from the following list I've got going. Radical, No Biking in the House w/o a helmet, Organized Simplicity, Year of Plenty (half way done), One Thousand Gifts, Shepherding a Child's Heart, Bringing up Boys, ~~Bringing up Girls~~ (2/3 of the way done). Three out of five ain't too bad, I'll take it! I will continue to read through this list along with several great books on adoption, orphans, and attachment that I found on Amazon.

2. ~~Read four books for fun.~~ Duh, this one was a no-brainer, I'm sure I read twice that many, a favorite for those of you who are looking for a good book, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

3. Get my computer time under control, set up a plan/schedule of rules for healthy computer usage. I've got nothing to show for this one, I need to roll it over into my school year goals I guess.

4. Greatly related to #3, get back into the routine and then habit of spending time DAILY in God's word as well as continued prayer throughout the day. This one continues to be one I struggle with I did well for a while then fell out of the habit, then spent the rest of the summer having a dedicated "quite time" about 3-4 times a week, again I need to roll this over into my school year goals.

5. ~~Get together with several friends I haven't seen in the past few months~~. I was so proud of myself I actually saw a ton of different friends this summer, I need to keep that up!

6. Finish organizing our study, and set up a workable work area for me. I am stuck on this one, I would like to purchase a sort of work space table from IKEA that will be perfect for this space and Kyle is in no hurry to drive over to a city 2 hours away for a piece of furniture, so for now my work space is frustratingly unorganized.

7. Hang the various wall hangings throughout the house that have been bought in the past six months. Nope, not this one either, however I did buy more things to hang on walls, so we can spend even more time figuring out where everything goes :).

8. ~~Complete my sewing projects~~. ~~(That is the funniest sentence I've ever typed, but I'm serious, really, kind of, no I have to get it done!)~~ Y'all I should have a party to celebrate this. I put a backing on the curtains in Chloe's room and made 4 of the 8 pillows I needed to make BUT they were so easy I will finish the next 4 in a one night sitting soon.

9. Goals for teaching Jack:
*~~Potty trained~~. ~~This has to happen this summer or I suddenly become a homeschooler and need to add some more goals and books to my summer :)~~
*Begin to write his name. I was aiming too high here, I should have written begin to write (as in scribble and this he did begin to do this summer).
*~~Work on counting to 10~~. He's got 1,2,3,4,7,8,9 just need to fill in the middle :)

10. Goals for teaching Kylynn:
*~~Know all letters and the sounds they make~~
*~~Count to 20, write numbers 1-10~~
*be able to swim. I totally failed on this one, I never even call the swim instructor to set up lessons, our summer was really that crazy, next summer.

Now I wish I would have put on my list, watch obnoxious amounts of Lost, check! And in an amazing turn of events paint our entire den, check!

How about you, what'd you accomplish this summer and what are your goals for the school year, or do does the word "goal" make you think of Mia Hamm?

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-08-24T20:55:00.002-05:00

*The other day we were in the grocery store and Jack stopped (in the chip aisle) and said, "mommy I need to pray, dear God we need some rain! amen." The lady next to us looked at me and said, "he's really, really little." All the way home I kept thinking, what was her problem she doesn't even know how old he is, how does she know he's little? Finally it dawned on me, 2 year olds don't stop to pray for rain in the chip aisle, so she was making a (correct) assumption.

*With our new schedule of picking Kylynn up from school at 12:30, Chloe takes her complete afternoon nap in the car, which leads to two major problems. 1)I have at least one child awake and needing my attention, every moment of everyday and 2)Chloe has to make all the way till 7pm from a short nap ending at 1pm. I do not know how to fix this, but I'm not liking it.

*Kyle and I painted our den this week. We taped, textured, primed, and painted the walls two colors and the ceiling a third. We are down to just needing to paint all the trim, it has been intense, but I was very motivated, I told myself I cannot watch anymore seasons of Lost until this project is done.

*When I say we painted our ceiling I mean we painted it a color. I found all these articles about it online and saw these amazing pictures and decided we should go for it. The ceiling turned out so much darker than I had imagined so I had a complete melt down and decided that I wanted to re-paint it. Kyle ~~lost his mind~~ was frustrated with that idea and I decided to give it a night to get used to it. I've decided I like it, really like it, it's different, but it looks really cool (pictures soon).

*My kids have totally ruined my brain, I cannot tell you (because my brain is ruined and I can't remember anything) how many dumb things I have done this week. But today I went from never getting my kids names right on the first try,"Kyly..Ky..Ja..Chloe!", to not even calling them a real name. "Please stop climbing up the stairs by yourself, Shoe-y."

*We went to the library this week and there was a lady there, getting a library card, and she was essentially naked. She had on a bright purple "dress" that covered just to the bottom of her, well bottom, above and below that was all skin. Then on her chest it covered just a strip down the middle, as in a large portion of her boobs were just out there. I didn't know what to do, as we walked to the line, I was scared Jack would point her out, loudly, (praise God Kylynn was not with us!) but he didn't. Then she turned around and caught me staring at her and I felt embarrassed but then realized that there is no way someone would dress like that unless they wanted people to stare and really it was impossible not to. I just kept wondering how she could move in that dress and not be afraid that at any minute she might accidentally be showing off her who-ha to everyone.

The beginning of the next 13 years

2011-08-22T20:56:00.003-05:00

Today was day one of a new stage of our lives, the school years. Kylynn had her first day of Kindergarten today. Of all the milestones I've reached in my life this is the first where I just can't believe I'm here already, time is slipping through my fingers faster than I can catch it.

When she walked into my bathroom in her brand new "first day of school" dress, I saw her take a big breath, and I knew just what she was feeling, here we go!

She was ready, has been ready, so there were no tears shed by anyone this morning, except for Jack, she walked into that room and never even turned around. All day long I couldn't shake the odd feeling that, I have no idea what she's doing right now. How I longed to be a fly on the wall and just watch her for a few minutes, was she making friends, was she having fun, was she understanding the lesson in class.

She came home excited, sure that she will LOVE Kindergarten, school, reading, her teacher, her friends. She brought with her, her first book she could read, "Mat", now that's fast progress :), then she scarfed down some lunch and quickly fell asleep. I had to wake her up after two hours, I guess all the emotions of her first day wore her out, I was so glad we chose a half day Kindergarten.

Kylynn Fay, I was so proud of you today, so proud to be your mommy. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you this year, these school years, this life He's given you. I pray that you will grow in wisdom and stature, and favor with God and men, I pray that you will someday give up this life you've been given so that you can truly live.

Friday night is pizza night!

2011-08-19T16:50:00.000-05:00

This little beauty is one of my favorite kitchen appliances. My absolutely favorite bread machine recipe is the pizza dough recipe I found at Allrecipes. Whoever you are Kim, thank you for this one!

Ingredients

1 cup flat beer
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/4 teaspoons yeast

Directions

Put beer, butter, sugar, salt, flour, and yeast in a bread machine in the order recommended by the manufacturer. Select Dough setting, and press Start.
Remove dough from bread machine when cycle is complete. Roll or press dough to cover a prepared pizza pan. Brush lightly with olive oil. Cover and let stand 15 minutes.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
Spread sauce and toppings on top of dough. Bake until crust is lightly brown and crispy on the outside, about 24 minutes.

To make your beer flat open it up the night before or in the morning and let it set out, if you forget to as I always do, you can pour the beer into the measuring cup from high up, then do the same when pouring into the bread machine, it's not perfect but it'll make it flater and the recipe seems to come out just as well.

In addition to Kim's ingredients, I also use whatever Italian seasoning I have on hand, usually a combination of basil, rosemary, and oregano, I add about 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon of each, you can add whatever seasoning you fancy or just leave it out altogether.

Add all the ingredients in the order that your bread machine prefers (sorry for the horrible picture, P Dub I am not). Make a little dent in the flour to put the yeast into. Once the machine begins making it into dough make sure to check the consistency to see if it needs more liquid or flour.

This pizza dough is good, it tastes more like focaccia bread to me than pizza dough. If you're a crust girl like I am than you'll love this, the crust is the best part!

Roll it out into a circle the size of a pizza pan (sorry folks I'm not good with measurements so that's as accurate as I get). Use lots of flour to keep it from sticking and then transfer it to the pan or stone you want to cook it on.

After I roll it out, I pierce it with a fork all over, put a little EVOO (love Rachel Ray!) on it and bake my dough for about 7 minutes before putting on any toppings. I find that it comes out doughy if I don't do this pre-bake step, but that's just me. After I put on all the toppings I cook it another 17 minutes or until it's done.

I made this Margherita (no sauce, mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil, drizzled in EVOO and sprinkled with salt) pizza a few weeks ago when I was still trying to use up the tomatoes from my garden. My favorite to make when I don't have an abundance of tomatoes is BBQ Chicken (BBQ sauce for the sauce, cheddar cheese, chicken, and red onions) pizza.

I haven't picked up a pizza for dinner since finding this recipe (unless we were out of town), it's that good and that easy! Enjoy!

Whatnot Wednesday (picture edition)

2011-08-17T18:08:00.000-05:00

What Kyle does for fun, part two

Chloe already knows how to wash the dishes, made a huge mess but was extra cute

Jack weed-eating, I'm sure Daddy is counting down the days till it's for real!

The water rocket, it was fun, but the heat made me go in early

what to do when it's 100 degrees at 10 in the morning?

being sprayed with water wasn't her favorite

a doughnut date with Daddy

I had no idea she was old enough for this type of thing, good Christmas gift ideas

Elizabeth, this one's for you, me with my socks on my hands for pre-school graduation

In my search for my first day of Kindergarten pictures I found these, first day of 1st grade (and 1st day of pre-school for my sisters). My youngest sister on the left is cracking me up with that pose and look on her face :).

My day

2011-08-15T21:26:00.001-05:00

I asked God to help me wake up this morning, because this is the one area of my life where I completely grasp that I can do nothing apart from Him. He did and I was magically awake at 6:30 and the awesome thing, I felt more awake all day and got so much done.

Within about three minutes after lunch today Jack spilled a cup full of chocolate (almond) milk, I spilled a bottle full of wood floor cleaner, Raven had to decide which would be better to lick up chocolate milk or floor cleaner, Chloe needed a diaper change, and Jack filled the entire sink full of water while he was supposed to be washing his hands.

After going a month with pretty much no accidents Jack pooped in his underwear twice today, it was my fault I fed him as if he wasn't lactose intolerant when indeed he is. Strangely he never liked cheese till he was told he couldn't have it, now he craves it.

I cannot decide which I like more dental hygienists who talk non-stop and therefore distract me from my anxiety or dental hygienists who allow me to sit in quiet and not feel like I need to try and talk back even though their hands are in my mouth.

I hired a babysitter for the first time in 4.5 months (since Chloe came home) but it was only to attend Kylynn's parent orientation. We did manage to rush out of the house a little early and grab some frozen yogurt on the way.

It was the best frozen yogurt I've ever had, probably because I put a cup of cookie dough on top and finally! the cookie dough tasted exactly like the stuff in the tube, you know the stuff they say not to eat raw, but who listens to that advice.

Kylynn's kindergarten teacher is amazing. Her classroom is amazing. I'm not sure which is better, but this I know: Kylynn is going to fall head over heels in LOVE with her teacher and her school.

They spend very little time during the day sitting at a desk, this made me so happy, this is so perfect for Kylynn and I'm sure for all of the little five year olds running around there!

Ok let me go ahead and be upfront with you guys, I want to go back to kindergarten now.

What C.S. Lewis taught me this summer

2011-08-10T13:46:00.000-05:00

Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis rocked my world this summer. I enjoyed every page, loved his writing style, and was amused by his obvious belief in aliens. Most importantly I was left with some truths that are stretching me, training me to be more like Him. There is so much wisdom in this book, one of my favorite parts was the ways he explains The Trinity, but I couldn't quote a whole chapter here, so you'll have to read it yourself for that bit of wisdom. Here are some of the quotes that grabbed me this summer.

On choosing a church:
"the question should never be: 'Do I like that kind of service?' but 'Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here?'"

On why God gave us free will:
"Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. A world of automata--of creatures that worked like machines--would hardly be worth creating. The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water. And for all that they must be free."

On the original sin:
"The moment you have a self at all, there is the possibility of putting yourself first--wanting to be the centre--wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race."

On happiness and peace:
"That is why is is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."

When Christ returns:
"something else--something it has never entered your head to conceive--comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side.

On individuality of our walk:
"An individual Christian may see fit to give up all sorts of things for special reasons--marriage, or meat, or beer, or the cinema; but the moment he starts saying the things are bad in themselves, or looking down his nose at other people who do use them, he has taken the wrong turning."

On giving:
"I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small.

On judging:
"That is why Christians are told not to judge. We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it...when his body dies all of that will fall off him, and the real central man, the thing that chose, that made the best or worst out of this material, will stand naked...We shall then, for the first time, see every one as he really was. There will be surprises."

On pride:
"In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that--and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison--you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."

On loving your neighbor:
"The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him."

On salvation:
"He offers everything for nothing. In a sense, the whole Christian life consists in accepting that very remarkable offer. But the difficulty is to reach the point of recognizing that all we have done and can do is nothing."

On community:
"God can show Himself as He really is only to real men....to men who are united together in a body, loving one another, helping one another, showing Him to one another. For that is what God meant humanity to be like; like players in one band, or organs in one body."

On one of Satan's tricks:
"That is the devil getting at us. He always sends errors into the world in pairs--pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is worse....He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled. We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern with either of them."

On giving ourselves to Christ:
"The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self--all your wishes and precautions--to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call 'ourselves', to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be 'good'."

On what God desires to do in our lives:
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing....But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on a an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

"Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

Happy Tuesday!

2011-08-09T08:00:00.001-05:00

Look what I just found out my computer can do, I know I'm a little late to the party, but how much fun! Plus I look so much better in color than I do in the mirror, I think I might demand all pictures of me be taken in "pop art" mode from now on, what do you think?

Tonight I'm heading out to a women's event at my church, it's the first time I've gone to something by myself since Chloe came home. I guess I was a little excited about it, I showed up last week, turns out I was the only one that excited, not a soul there :).

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2011-08-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to the one that makes this life fun, the one who makes it possible, Daddy!

Anything fun that ever happens in this house, is because of you, maker of brownie sundaes for dinner, water rockets, indoor tents, and family movie nights. We would be a bunch of boring whiners around here without you, the fixer of our broken house, cheerer upper of fussy children and worn out mommy. Every day with you, every new year is a gift.

Community

2011-08-04T19:41:00.003-05:00

This week I have walked around with a lump in my throat. Tears right behind my eyes, ready to fall with the slightest emotion. But here's the thing, it has been a good week, an amazing week. I keep looking around me at this life God is creating, it reminds me of a quilt, each unique block when sewn together creates something beautiful. I feel it, my cup so full, running over with joy, with contentment.

For years I have been praying for God to provide for our family what it was missing. To bring to us Korean people who would love us, who would walk this road with us, who would care about my children. For years I have prayed for families that look like ours to come into our life, for my children to not wonder why they're the only adopted children they know or why they are the only one without a white face. Recently God has begun to teach me about community, I have begun to pray that He would make that a reality, that our life and our home would be filled with the body, a place where deep relationships can be formed.

It took me a long time to realize that she was the answer to my prayers, it wasn't until I realized how much she needed us that I saw our need for her. Watching her set the table or help us make dessert, is the answer to the prayer I've never put into words, the longing He placed in my heart long ago. Last night she taught me how to bow correctly and told me that Chloe has a Korean accent. As my children grow they will have a face that looks like theirs around the dinner table, they will hear her whisper Korean to them, her presence will change their lives.

Then this week I met her, I was both surprised and expectant, deep down knowing she would come, another mother like me, another family like ours. And no matter how I tried on that day we met the tears kept sneaking up. Before I knew her name I knew her heart and that was enough to know I had made a dear friend. To have another friend who's walking this path of adoption, one I can reach out and touch, one who will be a daily part of our lives, a gift from a loving Father.

Always there is the mix of students and families, Americans and Internationals, new believers and mature ones that fill up my home each Sunday evening. It is the day I look forward to most of all, to hear about their week, to praise God for the answered prayers, to be able to tell them I need their prayers, always I need their prayers. Their wisdom on His word teach me and point me to the truth. But most of all their laughter stays with me and it makes me lighter, carrying me through to the next week.

This week I've seen my life for the beautiful quilt it has become. Solid in my chest I feel it, rising up as a lump in my throat. This is the life He has created for me, an answer to the prayer he put on my lips, a life abundant, a life in community.

On potty training

2011-07-31T21:38:00.000-05:00

In the midst of potty training there is always a moment when you feel like it is never going to happen, this child will never learn this new skill. What you need is a little perspective. I remember when I was potty training Kylynn and I had been cleaning poop out of underwear for two weeks asking my bible study group to pray for me and for her to get through this stage. The leader of the group turned to me and gently told me that everything was going to be okay, Kylynn would learn this skill, she would not still be wearing diapers when she went off to kindergarten. Which was of course my fear: that this stage of my life would never move forward that I would be stuck potty training forever.

So it was when Jack was walking around the house in his 12th pair of underwear in week three of potty training that I decided I needed some perspective, I needed someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. I needed someone who could look in from the outside and give me some advice.

I called my friend who as a special needs pre-school teacher has potty trained many children, she is as far as I'm concerned a potty training expert. I told her what I was doing and how it was (obviously) not working. She gave me a new plan: set a timer for 10 minutes, every 10 minutes reward Jack for dry underwear (since that was our problem) with candy (don't forget you can cut up one piece of candy into four pieces), repeat until he's got it down. Then move onto setting the timer for 30 minutes, and so on.

After only a couple of days he had an accident free day, earning a trip to the "movie eater" to see Cars 2. After a couple more weeks we're down to having about one to two accidents a week. Suddenly life is normal again, my baby boy is potty trained, he's not going to get kicked out of pre-school, I'm not going to lose my mind, and I've never been more grateful for a friend like her.

A lazy blog about my vacation

2011-07-25T20:20:00.001-05:00

Ahh...it was a vacation, it was restful and fun and beautiful, most importantly it did not get above 85 degrees, need I say more. Here's a recap of our vacation in pictures, with a few captions thrown it, it's 125 degrees here and it's making me lazy.

the view from our bedroom

we saw "goat mountains" (Jack would say) on one of our drives

we drove a lot!

on the way from Ruidoso, NM to Lincoln, NM

the original and still used PO in Lincoln, NM

This is how Jack looks in most pictures taken over vacation

my favorite lunch on the trip The Dolan House in Lincoln, NM

the cafe had fancy glasses even for the kids, they did great!

it rains there...imagine that

I'm blessed I am

I sat down some, that was a nice change

I made Kyle take my picture so people would know I was there too

the view from the back porch

the house we stayed in, thanks Dad!

the view from our street, on the first day there we saw two elk and my aunt saw a bear!

playing at a local park

crossing over the creek

Jack's first horse ride

the old pro

the view from the local playground

our drive to Alamagordo, NM

the space museum in Alamogordo, NM

Kyle flying a space ship

what do you think this is?

Hi, my name is Jack and I'm the cutest boy who's ever lived!

so blessed

the first monkey to fly in space, no not Kylynn, the statue

Cloudcroft, NM 8600 ft. above sea level, so beautiful!

I insist that ice cream be eaten as often as possible on vacation

I learned that rule from my Dad

the hubby golfed

it was my mom's birthday, she turned 35

The End!

The age of broken hearts

2011-07-22T14:52:00.002-05:00

I got a phone call this morning that stopped me in my tracks. Four of our friends are moving away to Austin, two of the families are friends that have become part of my family, people who have made this journey I'm walking along smoother, brighter.

Kylynn is old enough to understand what is going on by over hearing a conversation, something that I am not fully aware of most of the time. So immediately after I hung up she asked who was moving to Austin, I looked at her, told her, and watched it break her heart.

Five year olds spend lots of time whining, being dramatic, and even fake crying to stack the cards in their favor. This time the tears were genuine and deep, as she curled up into my lap to cry, all my walls around my heart broke down and I felt her pain, which was my pain, and cried along with her.

She cried for a while, talked about how she felt, asked some questions. And then it hit her, she would draw her friend a picture, a big picture. Just like that she had moved forward, she was still sad but as they say life must go on, and so it would. She would take her grief and do something with it, having faith that things will be a little better tomorrow, and the next day, and so on.

So I followed her lead, I cleaned the kitchen while I prayed, and after a while I realized I was praying for the wrong person (namely me) and not the friends who actually needed some prayers right now. I prayed for them and all that needs to happen for their move, for their pain and sorrow and having to leave their homes, friends, and families. Soon I felt better, hopeful, seeing the picture much clearer.

I couldn't help but think how this is the first of many broken hearts for my little girl. This one will not even register on the scale when she looks back at her life. That it all starts now, the age where friends will not want to play with her, and it will hurt. Where words will cause pain. A life lead outside of me, where I will not be able to protect her all the time, where I will not always be able to heal her pain. I pray that she will never lose that quality of hers, the one that feels pain when it's there, but doesn't allow sorrow to overtake her, instead moves forward, choosing to put her energy into creating beauty.

Did you miss me?

2011-07-21T17:08:00.000-05:00

We got back late last night from our summer vacation. I know I didn't really tell you I was gone, though I hinted at it, no matter how silly the thought that someone would find my blog and then decide to rob us while we're out of town, I figure it's better safe than sorry.

I'll post more details and pictures soon, but it was a great vacation. Nine days of Kyle getting up with the kids, very little cleaning, and very little cooking. Nine days of highs in the 80's and lows in the 60's, windows open, and a breath taking view of the mountains.

Every time we go visit Ruidoso, NM we talk about moving there, it's that kind of place.

Today I've been unpacking, opening mail, making grocery lists, and I took a big ol' nap, vacations wear me out. Realizing summer is soon coming to a close, finding the time to be a patient for some young doctors, and enjoying the sound of giggles from children so glad to be home.

Library Day

2011-07-16T19:21:00.000-05:00

I have always had a fascination with libraries, they are one of my favorite places on this earth. I have rarely visited a town without spending time in their library, often amazed by just how nice even small town libraries are, disappointed that I don't possess the ability to check out a book, magazine, or DVD that catches my eye. I remember a summer when a traveling library came to our neighborhood, a book mobile, and the excitement and anticipation I felt walking home with my latest read was pure joy.

In the heat of Texas summers the library is a haven for both me and my children. I love our library located in downtown, where the children's section is big and secluded and they have almost as many toys as books. We take back our bag full of books and leave with so many books and movies, I have to kick Jack out of the stroller in favor of the book bag. The kiddos love the treat of each getting to pick out a movie all by themselves, and so we are often found watching Christmas movies in July (Jack's favorite choice) or The Sleeping Beauty ballet (Kylynn's choice).

When we get home the kids cannot wait to look through their stash of books, I spend my time picking out as many for them as they do. They dump the bag out and begin to look through one and then another, not knowing how to read they are each consumed quickly, greedily. Kylynn's latest fascination is books on CDs, we spend a long time looking through the choices, finding some suitable to her age, and we actually find several. She will ask on this day alone, "is it rest time yet?" She longs to go to her room turn on her audio book, then sit in her bed, surrounded by piles on books, to get to spend a whole hour enjoying each one.

The library is no longer about me, although admittedly I enjoy just being there. I cannot find the strength or parenting skills to browse books with three children in tote. But thanks to the internet I am still able to leave with a stack in hand. I request the books and movies I want before hand and they are waiting for me when I check out. And on library day I long for the kid's rest time just a little more than the other days, to curl up on my bed and get lost in a book. To reclaim those feeling of joy from my childhood, the anticipation of falling into a new world, the excitement of finding new people to love.

My rules for preparing for vacation

2011-07-11T16:41:00.000-05:00

We have a big road trip coming up this month. In case you have one of your own coming up I thought I'd pass along my rules for getting ready for vacation. How about you, do you have any rules to add?

1. After finishing your last load of pre-vacation laundry, do not wear a single piece of clothing you like until vacation begins. All possible clothes you like must be saved for when deciding what to pack.

2. This means it's time to bust out your ugliest sweat pants, because 1) you won't be packing those and 2) you must wait till the last day before vacation to shave your legs.

3. Since you will be seeing family, it's time to paint your toe nails and finger nails, this way they'll never know that in your real life you look like a slob most of the time.

4. Buy all new toiletries to take with you and while you're at it buy something random that you would normally not buy and totally don't need as a treat for pre-vacation prep.

5. Make lists, approximately 17 of them, scatter them all over the house, lose them, re-start them until you are sure you are losing your mind. In the end pack up every item in your house that you, your husband, or your children have used in the past six months, that should cover it.

6. Go to the library, check out enough books to read over a 9 month period, and bring them all, you never know when you might not like one of them and need to change books. Also for variety bring magazines and the child raising books you're reading. Tell yourself that you'll have tons of time to read, so this is necessary.

7. Dream about your vacation and begin to get excited. This is important: make sure to dream about your vacation as if you do not have a 1, 3, and 5 year old who have a long road trip ahead of them, not to mention will require the same amount of attention everyday of vacation that regularly makes you so tired you feel like you cannot get off the couch in the evenings.

8. Unpack the suitcase that Kylynn packed for herself, re-pack with appropriate clothes and shoes that aren't ballet shoes.

9. Try to finish your packing and realize that half of it will have to wait until your way out the door, because it is needed for eating/sleeping/living. Because these are the most important things for your trip put sticky notes around the house saying, DO NOT FORGET: blankies, fans, cups, medicine, booster chairs....

10. Make brownies, from scratch, because if you are going to spend two days in the car with your loud/whining children you will NEED brownies to survive.

11. Eat up all the food in your house, avoid grocery shopping it would all just go bad while you're gone, avoid eating out because you're about to do a lot of that. When you run out of food the day before you are to leave, open the fridge and stare, repeat as many times as necessary. When you become famished eat the brownies that you made for the trip.

12. Give up on ever packing while your children are awake, decide instead to return to daydreams of child-free vacations. I hear that the anticipation of vacation can be as gratifying as the vacation itself, and lets face it with small children the anticipation is much better than the reality.

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-07-06T20:38:00.000-05:00

* Whatnot Wednesday has made me a lazy blogger, I love the style of getting to post randomness about my life and not trying to think of complete, nice sounding sentences. It's perfect for this time of my life when I cannot remember which child is which, often forget the most basic words, and have the energy of a 70 year old.

* If you are in that same place in life you can post your own Whatnot Wednesdays just click on the button at the bottom of this post and grab a button to put on yours and link up. If you hate that I barely blog anymore unless it's a Whatnot Wednesday post, you can also click over and blame Elizabeth :).

*Speaking of Elizabeth she gave me a shout out on her blog today, as I read her post it had just begun to pretend rain outside, and Ray LaMontagane had begun to play on my pandora radio, it was a perfect moment and it turned my whole day around.

*My day was not entirely good up until that point. Chloe's had a very high fever and I didn't get much sleep last night.

*Today Kylynn told Jack, "when I'm older like, 6, 7, 9, or 21 I'm going to be able to do lots of cartwheels." Good job covering those bases on what exactly "older" means, dear.

*I've begun watching Lost, and I'm in love, like in love like I was with the Twilight series, ok actually it's not that bad. But I'm enjoying it so much. Unfortunately I had to take it back to the library today and I'm not done yet. I'm going to have to buy me some on amazon, they've got some copies for very cheap. Oh how I love amazon.

*Speaking of Amazon, I signed up for AmazonMom and it is awesome, I'll tell y'all more about it soon, but anyways I went to look up an order today and it said I had 10 orders in the past 30 days. They give you Amazon Prime for free when you sign up for AmazonMom and let's just say I've been taking advantage of it, big time!

Happy 4th

2011-07-04T13:51:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th of July, friends! I hope you're having a good one. My kitchen smells like brisket right now and I'm about to make me this peach cobbler. Life doesn't get much better than that!

Rest

2011-07-01T06:00:00.002-05:00

A re-post from June 1st 2010

I can feel life beginning to slow down, my muscles losing their tension, my brain slowing down having nothing to keep it up at night worrying. Summer arrived for us this weekend and we took it all in, we worked on projects, ate ice cream cones for dinner, went the the splash pad and the pool, watched movies, and finally began to rest.

Rest is not something we do easily around here. You know the little kid who never stops wiggling and getting into things and people are always coming up to you saying, "he sure is busy!" That little kid grows up to be Kyle, who would rather pull his hair out then sit still and rest. I on the other hand was not that kid, but grew up to marry Kyle and have become more like him over the years, although I only work about a fraction as hard as he does, I try to keep up. Then there is there is the fact that we are in a busy time of life, every time I get a chance to catch up with some friends I realize that we are not alone, this time of life is busy!

This weekend, Nana took Kylynn back home to San Antonio, so we were a family of three, which made rest much easier for all of us. Jack sleeps in hours later than Kylynn and takes twice the nap she does, so needless to say we had much more free time to get some things done. It was peaceful and although we really missed Kylynn, it was a lot of fun to just focus all our attention on Jack.

I am so excited about this summer, about the rest that comes naturally when you spend the afternoon at the pool, you come home feeling completely relaxed and wholly satisfied. I hope I don't see a single doctor this summer. I hope we all become brown and freckled. Most of all, I hope we all can learn how to rest as God intends, to figure that out and incorporate it into our regular lives, to leave this summer feeling refreshed and ready to go into next year with our eyes and hearts set upon our heavenly Father.

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-06-29T14:40:00.001-05:00

*The more children I have the later my average first teeth brushing becomes. Is it just me? Please tell me I'm not alone. Now that I have three my usually "morning" brushing is about 1pm...sad but true.

*Deep thought: this occurred to me the other day, I do not know what my kids look like. What I mean is when I see them I really see the most beautiful two girls and little boy in the whole world. Chances are that's not true but my eyes are blinded with love and can only see them as they look covered up in my love. I understand a little better now how God sees me when He looks at me, not as the dirty sinner I am, but only seeing the beautiful, holy, blood of Christ I am covered in.

*Chloe had her 15 month check up last week, she is growing! Woo-Hoo! Of course I had a horrible visit (this always happens to me). I got there, they called me back right away, weighed her and put us in a room. Forty-five minutes later the nurse came in to say that the doctor was running thirty minutes behind, this made me laugh until I realized she meant 30 MORE minutes behind. In the interest of keeping this story short, let's just end it by saying I was the last person to leave the office at 5:15 when all the lights were turned off and the doors were locked.

*How do you decided what activities to allow your children to be involved in? Kylynn loves ballet and now she loves gymnastics, but she is interested in taking horse back riding lessons, ice skating lessons, and I am interested in her taking art classes and girl scouts. My world will not revolve around my children's activities but it's so hard to know what to say yes to and what to say no to.

*I have reached an age where if I do not where make-up I look about 8.5 years older than I am. It is bad y'all, when my roots have grown out and I'm make-up free (which is most of the time) in my mommy gear I look like a prime candidate for What Not to Wear or Oprah or some other intervention. I should probably buy some wrinkle cream.

*I have not bought wrinkle cream because I'm not much for grooming. My toe nails have a few little pieces of blue nail polish on them from at least 4 months ago and it'll probably be there for another few months. Who has the time?

*Have y'all seen Rabbit Hole, it was a beautiful movie. I highly recommend it, Kyle was blown away by how much he liked it.

*We have a big road trip planned this summer, 15 hour drive there and back with several days staying at a house in New Mexico. I'm starting to get scared. Got any tips for me?

Surprise...you need to show up

2011-06-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

I had this great idea. Really it was a good one and in my mind I had it all planned out perfectly, the way everything would look (beautiful of course), the way all the food would taste (amazing!), the way the mommies-to-be would respond (breath-taking surprise). This was the plan: we would have a surprise baby shower for the two couples in our home group that are due to have babies in the next month. Everyone was totally excited, the gifts were bought, the cake was made (not by me, but by my amazing and talented friend), the plan was in place.

All week I had been praying against the worst possible scenario, that the guests of honor would not show up to their shower. God assured me that He was in control, I believed that they would be there, at least somewhere down deep I did, but I had a hard time holding onto it for the hours leading up to the surprise shower.

First we get an email. Couple #1 cannot make it, the mother-to-be is understandably tired and needs to rest. So it's decided that since we've already been calling that couple all week "just to make sure everything's okay and they'll be there on Sunday" that it's time to let the husband in on the surprise. He says he'll definitely be there and his wife will come if she's feeling okay. I'm holding onto God's promise by a thread.

Then I get the call. Couple #2 calling to say they can't make it. I begin to do some kind of crazy begging/praying to God and while I'm on the phone with them, the grandmother calls to say she can watch the kids and they say they'll make it after all. Someone once told me, God is never late, but He's never early either. I cannot tell you how true that is, so very, very true.

Now let's take a moment to give you a glimpse of what's going on in my house as I try to get ready for a shower that may or may not include pregnant women. In order to get ready I am trying to do the following things: cook snacks for the party, clean the house, decorate the room, wrap the presents, potty train a 3 year old, feed my children every 15 minutes, break up fights, discipline a five year old, soothe a one year old, remain sane. My hubby, whom I love, really I do, but who sometimes I want to throw a shoe at decides that he'll just run out and take some friends of ours (who don't own a car) shopping. So he was gone ALL AFTERNOON and got home an hour and a half before the party. Have I mentioned I love him, okay, just checking.

God kept nudging me all afternoon to trust Him, to really, actually trust Him. To believe that He could not only bring the guests (all four of them) but He also knows how to make snacks, clean houses, and raise children. Perhaps you are all further along in your walk than me, but I am always shocked at how hard of a time I have with trusting God with the small things, I mean trust you to get my house clean...really You care about that?

I managed to remain mostly sane and almost calm with the gentle reminders He was giving me. And in the end it was a wonderful baby shower, the house was good enough, the food was (dare I say it) amazing, the gifts were wrapped, and every single expectant parent was there, along with the rest of our home group. It turned out that both husbands had to be told in order to get them there but the wives got to be at least a little surprised. It apparently wasn't part of God's plan for the mommies-to-be to be surprised He had a much better plan, they went home knowing that they are loved and that they are part of our family.

Three kids, three months: an update

2011-06-22T13:57:00.001-05:00

This was obviously Kyle's idea, thank the Lord for Daddies!

It has been almost three months since Chloe joined our family, it does me good to type that out. In my day to day existence it seems like we've had forever to adjust, but writing out the word three, reminds me that we are just at the beginning and it's okay to still be experiencing bumps in the road.

The other night I asked Kyle something that had suddenly occurred to me, "do you think it's as hard going from two to three now as you did at first?" He agreed that "having three" doesn't seem all that hard, what is hard for us is going from our youngest being three to our youngest being one. I'll just be honest and say I am selfish with my time and the constantness of parenting a one year old is hard to go back to.

so yes, Jack has on no shorts, but we're potty training, what can you do

I am finding that I actually like the pace that three children keeps me at, the days go by quickly and we're having lots of fun this summer. We have definitely found our new "normal." I am hoping summer lasts forever, the removal of pre-school from our schedule has been a blessing to our family. The break from cooking was good for my soul and now I'm really enjoying cooking again (it comes and goes in waves) and I pretty much go to allrecipes everyday and type in what I've got and cook what they tell me to, they've never let me down.

I am happy. Does that sound weird, I have less time for myself, am more tired, and feel like I can't give anything the full attention it deserves, but I am happy. I am enjoying this life so very much, I am enjoying raising these children, I am even enjoying having them all to myself for the whole summer (shh...don't tell anyone but I even think I understand the draw of homeschooling now). Even though I complained of our very full schedule this spring I must have gotten used to it because we spend very little time at home, if we're not off to to an appointment, we at the splash pad, Target, or the library. Today at the library, we all got to pet a snake (yes even me, who has a freakish fear of snakes).

check out Jack's "smile"

The potty training is going...well it's going. He got the pooping down immediately no accidents, no problems, but he pretty much pees in his underwear all day long. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing wrong and have on my list of things to do to call a friend of mine to see if she can give me some advice (and you please I'd love advice!)

And it's official my new most annoying comment I receive is, "are they twins?" (referring to Jack and Chloe). I know, I know people do not mean to annoy me, but let's just say Jack's size is on my mind enough without people thinking that he and his one year old sister are twins. On the topic of Jack's size we have seen/will see several specialist this summer about it and I'm excited to move forward to see if there is a cause and if there is anything we can be doing to help him grow to his full potential.

Chloe's personality is unraveling more and more each day. She is such a different little girl than she was when she came home. The more comfortable she becomes in her home and her family, the more I get to see who my daughter is. She is still adjusting, she is still grieving and has a way to go to trust me fully and even farther to trust Kyle, but every week I see her make progress and I know that someday she will be where Jack is now and I will have a really hard time remembering what this phase was like.

What I'm loving this month

2011-06-17T15:01:00.004-05:00

Our blackberry bushes were a bust this year, we got a total of around 22 blackberries out of 3 huge bushes. On the other hand we have tomatoes, oh yes we have tomatoes in abundance. I hate to waste food so we've been eating lots of tomatoes (and eggplants, onions, basil, and mint, our other bumper crops). The other day it occurred to me I needed to eat some red meat soon, I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten any meat and it's no fun to be anemic.

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My favorite tomato recipes so far, tomato pie (thank you Elizabeth!) and fried green tomatoes. I'll let Ms. Paul Deen tells you to make a tomato pie but for the fried green ones just do this, dip green tomato slices in flour, then egg, then panko crumbs, fry until a beautiful golden brown, remove from the oil and grind up some sea salt on top. Oh my they are some kind of wonderful, I just drooled on my keyboard.

I got two of these dresses from Land's End and they finally came in this month, I waited two whole months, but let me tell you it was worth it. I have a new uniform folks. I wore it to the splash pad in 200 degree heat and I stayed cool. I love it, it is very flattering, I wish I would have ordered three instead of two.

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I'm reading Bringing Up Girls, by Dr. Dobson. I have cried my eyes out reading this book, mainly because I'm an emotional mess, but also because the book is so insightful into what little girls and women need from their parents. This book is all about meeting your daughter's needs in such a way that she can grow up to be a successful, godly woman. I think I'm going to have to buy it, it is a lot to take in in a few short weeks, and it is definitely a book worth owning.

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My pandora station introduced me to, Ray LaMontagne, I had never heard of him before and I am smitten. His voice has some physical effect over me, I feel myself relax and refocus on happy things. I wonder if there is any way I could stick my earbuds in my ears and listen to him during Jack's doctor appointments without looking like a crazy person, no?

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I drank a whole bottle of Simply Lemonade in about 2 days last week. Oh my it is good stuff, it tastes like homemade lemonade, trust me I know. For some reason I could never grasp today, before I had kids I regularly made lemonade from scratch all summer long, that's right I juiced the lemons by hand. On that same note isn't it funny how before you had kids you thought you were "busy" and now you realize that you didn't even know the meaning of the word busy :).

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Did y'all watch Lost? I didn't and I've yet to see an episode, but it seems like every week I read another blog about someone watching Lost on DVD and how much they've enjoyed it. So it's not fair to say I'm loving Lost, but I'm loving the idea of watching Lost this summer, the problem is how to get my hands on the series for free to cheap, I am the only person in the world without Netflix (we use Blockbuster.com....long story), any ideas?

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Have you heard of Seeds Worship music, if you haven't here's all you need to know, it is scripture put to music for children, that will not make you want to "accidentally" break the CD. It is good stuff, the Seeds of Courage CD is so good I listen to it by myself all the time, I'm often in need of courage. The even cooler part is that all the CDs come with an extra copy you can give to a friend, free birthday present, score!

We finished our study a while back, before and after pictures coming soon, and my favorite thing about it is that I finally get to hang up this poster I bought from JollyGoode. Flower patch farmgirl told us about her and really I might just plan another room around one of her prints, I love them that much!

How about you anything you're loving this month, let me in on it, please!

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-06-15T20:09:00.000-05:00

*We have had a more relaxed summer, that is for sure, but we are still busy, really busy. Some weeks are worse than others, this week and next I have 4 doctor's appointments, 4 speech therapy sessions, 2 gymnastic classes, 2 home groups, a play date or two, in addition to the normal activities that fill up the lives of a family of five. Why am I telling you this, so that you will see just how stupid I am to have begun potty training Jack on Saturday. It was an accident really, he used the potty a couple of times so I said let's give this a try, not realizing that it would mean that during the first 14 days of potty training we would be gone most of the time and have our accidents in a number of embarrassing places. Note to self: when potty training Chloe check calendar first :).

*This is all I know about potty training, just go for it, do not use pull-ups (if it can be helped), pray, remind yourself that it only seems to take forever while you're in the middle of it, buy extra laundry detergent, bribe, pray.

*We're in the dog days of spring around here folks, that's right, don't forget it is still officially spring, and when was the last time you saw a temp lower than 100. I know, I know, I love summer, I have to remind myself of this often while we're out running our errands.

Notice the yogurt he's eating and the cute summer haircut

*Did you know that they make dairy free, soy free yogurt, I just knew that they must and I drove on over to the College Station grocery stores (we live in Bryan which the grocery stores have decided are filled with people too poor to want any of those neat options) and I found it. It's made with coconut milk and the brand is SO Delicious. I finally understand why some people drive to a big city every so often to get certain groceries, it's hard to get speciality stuff in this town and it's expensive when you find it!

*Jack had his teeth cleaned for the first time today, I was totally worried about it. He did great, no problems whatsoever, shows what I know.

*The kids are loving gymnastics and normally I would be loving watching them loving gymnastics. The only problem is 2 out of the 3 times we've been the air conditioner in the viewing room was out, it is out of control hot, today the thermostat in there said 95!

*Kylynn has decided she made a new best friend in gymnastics, she has no idea what the girl's name is, I guess when you're five you skip over the small talk and get right into deep discussions bonding you for life.

*I had a soda with dinner tonight (we ate out), I gave up caffeine about a year ago, so this was a very bad decision on my part, I will be up till about 2 o'clock tonight.

Back to the Basics

2011-06-11T21:21:00.001-05:00

One of my goals this summer was to get back into the routine of a daily "quiet time." This is an area of my life that I have always struggled, I get into a good routine, something happens, a new baby for example, and I get off track for much longer than it takes to adjust to the new baby. I finally get back into a good routine and the whole process repeats itself all over again. I have never crossed over into it being a habit, you know something you do without thinking, every, single, day, like brushing your teeth.

This summer our church is going through the Essentials Bible study* that some of our pastors have put together and I am really enjoying it. The Bible study has been offered many times during my years at our church but I have always passed, thinking that it would be boring and really only useful for a new believer, I was wrong.

The Essentials study deals with the core beliefs of Christianity, such as the Trinity, the deity of Christ, how to be saved, assurance of salvation, the Holy Spirit, and so on. Although I'm at a place in my walk where most of the information we are covering is not new to me, let's face it as humans we grasp very little of the God we serve. It is always good to go over the basics again, to learn them more, for our own knowledge, in order to better share with non-believers, and to remind us of the reasons to praise Him.

Our home group has decided this summer to read Mere Christianity as a supplement to the Essentials being preached on Sunday morning. C.S Lewis' radio talks from the 1940's are collected together to form this book, where he is arguing the truth of Christianity. This truth transformed him from an atheist to one of the most respected Christian authors of our time. I have enjoyed his book more than I ever would have imagined. He is surprisingly non-divisive, not to mention brilliant and funny at the same time.

My hope this summer is that I take the time to put my own ideas aside, to learn who God really is, who He reveals himself to be in His word. Not who I think He is, not who various denominations have told us He is, but God as He actually is. The more I study His word, the more I realize that what He wants from His followers is so much different than what most of us are willing to give. I am challenged by His word, I am learning that he would rather have me feeding the hungry than attending another Bible study, loving the lonely rather than planning another family activity, and fighting for the oppressed rather than arguing with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: "I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God." That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronising nonsense about His being a great moral teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.” -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

*If you're interested in doing this study it is available, along with any other bible study our church offers, online to be downloaded for free here.

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-06-08T22:17:00.000-05:00

* Your tax dollars at work: The IRS is investigating the legitimacy of our right to claim the adoption credit, two months later we still do not have our tax refund (and yes we definitely qualify for the adoption tax credit). Today we got two envelopes from the IRS, both addressed to Kyle and myself, inside each envelope was a letter stating that they had received the paperwork we sent them AND another identical letter. That's right we received two envelopes containing four letters each saying the exact same pointless statement of, we got your mail.

*The snack experiment got off to a bad start. Less than 24 hours in Kylynn stole a piece of a brownie, now mind you it was a tiny little piece but still. Now that the newness of it all has worn off I've yet to see her eat anything out of her snack bin and the fruit and veggies are hardly touched.

* Since Chloe came home I've been doing my grocery shopping at night time. By the time we get the kids to bed and I get all my stuff together I'm getting to the store around 9 o'clock at night, it's amazing to me that I manage to buy the right things and stay awake to drive home. Last week I got home from the store and began putting everything away, I was so tired that it took me about 15 minutes before I noticed this.

Yes, there are onions hanging in my pantry. Kyle had taken up some of the ones from our garden and had hung them up to dry while I was out. Speaking of my pantry want to see the rest of it, well since you asked and all.

*My summer goals are coming along. The teacher's pet in me now feels like I'm going to be graded since I let the ~~whole world~~ 12 people who read this blog in on my goals. I've begun reading Bringing Up Girls by Dr. Dobson. I am really enjoying it and at the same time terrified to ever let Kylynn or Chloe leave my sight again :)

*Kylynn is so excited about gymnastics that she keeps asking how many more days. Yesterday afternoon she asked if it was tomorrow yet (because I had told her that morning that gymnastics was tomorrow). I told her that it is never tomorrow it is always today. This made me laugh to myself thinking how much my "deep thought" would be over her head, instead of being confused she said, "I knoooow that mooom, but when is it going to be time for gymnastics." So much for teaching her something this summer.

*Speaking of Kylynn did I tell you she's got some weird fascination lately with coloring on things that she knows she is NOT allowed to color on, the couch, or the carpet for example. By the way, anyone know how to get crayon out of your carpet or how to get your five your old to obey?

*Now for some links I've been meaning to share (the titles are mine, theirs are more normal):
From It's Almost Naptime, Vitamin D is speed
From Russell Moore, Adoption talk from Kung Fu Panda 2
Also from It's Almost Naptime, 30,000 dollars for their adoption, paid in full by God
From Sit a Spell, This post had Kyle and I asking hard questions and praying big prayers

The snack experiment

2011-06-05T22:49:00.002-05:00

We've been having a little problem around here for the past six months or so with Kylynn, she has been sneaking candy. The girl has a sweet tooth and while sweets are far from forbidden around here I tend to keep candy as a special occasion treat.

But there is candy stashed away in the pantry and in a jar in their bathroom (for potty training) and she knows it. Unfortunately this has happened repeatedly and while we've been able to deal with the lying associated with the candy stealing, she now will admit it when asked, we've yet to stop the sneaking of the candy.

I don't know about y'all but my kids have robbed me of half of my brain cells, so I am not creative when it comes to discipline, it's a constant part of my job and I get in a major rut. Whenever this happens I turn to Kyle, thankfully he still can think outside the box, his idea: give her unlimited access to healthy snacks. Foods that she can count on being there and that she is allowed to go and grab without our permission. When we told her of the idea she was ecstatic, I'm pretty sure the words "without our permission" are her favorite words to hear.

So I spent the afternoon preparing a bowl of food for her, in it I put yogurt cups, cheese sticks, apple slices, blackberries, carrot sticks, broccoli, and celery slices. Used my new handy dandy labeler (which I need in case that dream of professional organizer ever comes true) to print a "Kylynn" label for it and put in on the bottom shelve of the fridge where she can reach it.

When I brought her in to show it to her the first thing she did was grab a yogurt cup, which she ate half of. After dinner, after saying she was full, she walked up to me munching on a cheese stick, and I managed to not say anything. I'm excited to see how this works, to see if giving her more freedom actually helps her to obey the rules. I'm not sure if she can resist the forbidden fruit in favor of the real thing, but it's worth a shot.

Summer Goals

2011-06-03T14:46:00.000-05:00

I love summer and I live in Texas, I'm weird like that. I accept that beginning in April and ending in October I will be sweaty and gross and a little smelly, I stop fighting it and try to enjoy the heat, and you know what it works. There are so many things I love about summer, even if it does mean two showers a day. I love more time outdoors, grilling dinner, beach trips, summer dresses, tans!, sunlight, and days that seem to go on and on (in a good way).

I also love summer in that way that High school students love summer, months stretched before you to take a break and do nothing. The days of doing nothing left me so long ago I actually don't remember what that feels like, but I look forward to the slower pace of summers all the same. I have less things on my calendar, less is expected of me, so I always have big dreams of all I'm going to accomplish each summer. Dreams that are crushed come September when I realize I let the days get away from me and haven't accomplished a single thing.

No more, my friends. This summer I made goals, and I wrote them down, AND I'm going to write them down here in public to hopefully spur me on to accomplish something these next few months. Got any goals for the summer, I'd love to hear them, comment some of your goals or better yet write your own post and leave the link in the comments.

2011 Summer Goals:

1. Read five of the non-fiction books I have been meaning to read forever. I am currently reading Mere Christianity (more on that soon) the other four will come from the following list I've got going. Radical, No Biking in the House w/o a helmet, Organized Simplicity, Year of Plenty, One Thousand Gifts, Shepherding a Child's Heart, Bringing up Boys, Bringing up Girls.

2. Read four books for fun. Got any ideas, lay em on me!

3. Get my computer time under control, set up a plan/schedule of rules for healthy computer usage.

4. Greatly related to #3, get back into the routine and then habit of spending time DAILY in God's word as well as continued prayer throughout the day.

5. Get together with several friends I haven't seen in the past few months.

6. Finish organizing our study, and set up a workable work area for me.

7. Hang the various wall hangings throughout the house that have been bought in the past six months.

8. Complete my sewing projects. (That is the funniest sentence I've ever typed, but I'm serious, really, kind of, no I have to get it done!)

9. Goals for teaching Jack:
*Potty trained. This has to happen this summer or I suddenly become a homeschooler and need to add some more goals and books to my summer :)
*Begin to write his name
*Work on counting to 10

10. Goals for teaching Kylynn:
*Know all letters and the sounds they make
*Count to 20, write numbers 1-10
*be able to swim

So what about you any summer goals?

A weekend to remember

2011-05-31T19:35:00.001-05:00

We had one of those weekends. The good kind, the kind you catch yourself saying, make a memory, hold onto this moment and remember it next time you feel like nothing is going your way. I felt blessed to have grown enough to notice the gifts that were given to me, to stop and listen to the laughter that was filling my house and just listen, to realize that time spent with the people you love is important, really important.

It was Kylynn's fifth birthday and we began the party on Thursday and kept on all weekend long. She awoke bright and early on her special day and put on the fancy outfit she had deemed appropiate and was rewarded with her first present before I was even out of bed. She spent the next hour bouncing on her new swing and seeing if her friends were home so she could show it off.

That evening we gave her the gifts from us. Roller skates (ice skates she calls them), a baby seat for her bike, some summer dresses and googles. We marveled at her grown up responses to her gifts, "what I've always wanted, forever...it's so beautiful...oh my word, and wondered if it was possible to love a girl more.

The next day my sister was there, I had reinforcements and I took full advantage. She took Kylynn off for a little date while I took just two kids to speech therapy. Aunt Jessie took Kylynn for her first manicure and I'm pretty sure she will have gotten more manicures than me by the time she's 12, but I didn't have an aunt Jessie. Kyle and I snuck off for our first date in 8 weeks! with Chloe in tow (having just a one year old still counts as a date in my book). We went to an estate sale at the oldest house in Bryan and just got to enjoy the view because the prices were laughably high. We ended up finding a rug for our study and sneaking off for a lunch out.

That afternoon my sister and I took the kids to the pool and had such a blast. It was Chloe's first time to go to the pool and the girl LOVED it, I'm talking wanted nothing to do with me, never cried when she fell in, and wanted to be able to walk right on into the deep in. We ate up a bag full of oreos and apples but still manage to eat the yummy lasagna waiting for us when we got home (yes my handyman can cook too!)

Saturday the rest of my family was here and it was time to celebrate the five year old again. We headed out to the Hullabaloo diner because it had made it's way onto the Food Network and the food is amazing, it was the perfect place to take guests. When we got there there was a long wait so they sent us around to the patio to wait. We get back there and they have live music, actually good, live music and strangely enough the first thing he says is I have an extra mic if anyone wants to join me. Well, now that you mention it we are the proud owners of a musician in our family (my brother in law). So we spent the next couple of hours listening to them sing for us, eating amazing food, and enjoying the beautiful day. It was by far the most fun I've had in ages, it was magical, I kept wanting to stop time and live in that moment a little longer.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching Kylynn open every Barbie/Princess item they sell in the stores and eating an amazing cake. As I'm sure you are all aware, I did not make this cake, nope that would be crafty and I am nothing if not the opposite of crafty. My sweet friend, Crystal, has begun her own cake business and I was blown away by what she came up with when I asked for a strawberry shortcake cake. I have never seen anything like this in real life, she made the strawberry cake by grinding up real strawberries, wow! If you need a cake, cupcakes, cake pops, cookies, you get the idea I'll put you in touch with her, anything you can dream up she can do.

When they left Saturday evening I was so full of joy. It was hard to see them leave but I felt blessed have taken the time to live in the moments of this weekend, not to mention there was still two days left of it to enjoy!

Whatnot Wednesday

2011-05-25T14:55:00.000-05:00

*School is out and we are claiming this the summer of "there's no hurry." I want my children to not have to "hurry up" this summer the way they have the past four months. I want them to stay in their pajamas as long as they want. Better yet I want to have at least one a day a week where we all go straight from jamas to bathing suits to jamas. I want us all to rest, to be restored, to get to know each other again, to allow Chloe the time to find her place, and learn that she won't always have to spend so much time in a car seat.

*Have I told you guys the doctor things Jack is lactose intolerant. I can't remember if I have, but I believe he's correct and so far we're seeing less symptoms he was having before we removed dairy from his diet. He misses cheetos, a lot.

*My baby turns 5, as in five years old, as in it's been five whole years since I laid in that hospital bed and found out I had a girl, a girl! Five just sounds so old. Have I mentioned she's going to kindergarten next year, which means tomorrow she'll be 16 and next week she'll have her own children. Sigh...

*I signed the kids up for gymnastics, we are all super excited! When I was standing there watching the girls practice, I couldn't help but remember how that used to be my dream. I was passionate about gymnastics, I would tape the competitions on TV and watch them over and over and try to learn how to do their routines. The one small problem was I was not a gymnast, so when I was 15, I decided that since I loved gymnastics so much I should take some gymnastic classes (duh!). I called around and found a place that offered beginning classes to older kids. I had a blast. Yesterday I tried to teach Kylynn to do a cart wheel, which involved me doing a cart wheel, A. wow! I felt brave doing a cart wheel, I mean you are hurling yourself at the ground, and B. ouch, who knew how many muscles it takes to do a cartwheel.

*Last night for dinner I made my own ChickFila salads, copied them to a T and can I tell you, they were amazing! This might also have to be the summer of the ChickFila chicken strip salad.

*Speaking of ChickFila I decided that I wanted a peach milkshake like they offered a few summers ago. I had bought the peaches and cream ice cream from Bluebell, so I knew it would be amazing. I asked Kyle if he would make it for me because sometimes I just get sick of preparing food (I do it all day long!) and he said sure. When he gave me my milkshake, it tasted, well, bad. I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong, until I realized there was something in it I had to chew. He told me very proudly that he had put graham crackers in it, because he went the other day and ordered a shake and he paid very close attention to how to make it. My sweet husband had order a banana pudding milkshake and had confused that with a peach milkshake, also we realized they were most likely putting vanilla wafers in it, not graham crackers!

A celebration for Chloe

2011-05-22T15:47:00.001-05:00

Some sweet friends of mine finally talked me into having a little shower for Chloe, I was a little hesitant to have a shower for a third baby (what would Emily Post say?). But as someone pointed out, every baby deserves to be celebrated, and in our circle of friends we are blessed to get to get together on a regular basis to celebrate another baby! My friends threw me a wonderful shower to celebrate Chloe's adoption.

It was definitely my kind of shower, we sat around and talked and talked, you know that great mama talk that can go on forever, sharing all the struggles your dealing with now and laughing at how silly some of the things that keep you up at night really are.

We ate the most amazing cupcakes, really amazing. I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm not a fan of cupcakes and not really a fan of icing either, but these cupcakes and icing were to die for. Actually my friend who made the cupcakes also is incredibly crafty, great with kids, has a great eye for style...I'm thinking that maybe it's not fair for God to give out talents so lopsidedly (can you believe spell check is not asking me to fix that word).

I have been blessed by so many gifts from these women and other friends throughout Chloe's adoption, prayers, meals, encouragement, and hand-me-downs, I really didn't want another thing. Some people were sneaky and brought a little something, and I must admit it was nice to get Chloe's first personalized item.

Thank you all who came, I can't tell you what it means to have an evening to catch up with so many of the women I adore, it had been a long time and I had forgotten how much I need that. There was a time where I had no real friends to my name, was newly married, and thought that there was no way God cared enough to help me out of the dark place I'd ended up. When I look at each one of you I'm reminded how much He loves me, how much he has used each one of you as His hands and feet to show me just how special I am to Him. You all are a blessing I never deserved but will hold onto as tight as I can.

What I'm loving this month

2011-05-20T16:10:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure exactly how to say this, I don't want to get some weird hits on my blog this week, so here goes nothing. When I was pregnant with Kylynn I went from being "chesty" to "very chesty" and even as I lost most of that weight over the past 5 years, that particular area of my body is the exact same size as it was when I was a nursing mama. So I hate putting on a swimsuit for all the normal reason plus the reason of looking like a 60 year old woman with her chest hanging done around her waist. Not to mention I look like I'm trying to be revealing, really I'm not I just can't find a top to fit me correctly!

I decided enough was enough and I was just going to have to shell out some money for a swim top this year, even the cheapskate in me is so happy with the results. Land's End has such an amazing selection for swim suits no matter what your particular flaw(s) are. In several of the tops you can pick your size and THEN choose your cup size (if you are a D or above) or even choose tops made for women who've had a mastectomy or are long waisted. So for 40$ after shipping, I got this lovely lady.

I love it, love it, love it! It fits so nicely, it has underwire (can I get a hallelujah!) and I can keep the girls completely covered, which is always nice when you live in a relatively small town and are always running into friends at the pool (am I the only one who feels odd standing in a bathing suit talking to our youth pastor?). I had the swim mini that I got from Land's End last year on clearance for 10$ so for 50$ I have a swimsuit I actually feel good in, for the first time since I became a mom.

We are part of a new ministry at our church aimed at raising awareness in the church to care for orphans. The leader of the group went to a conference on the topic of orphan care and brought back the book, Castaway Kid by R. B. Mitchell. I'm not quite done with the book yet but I am blowing through it, it is amazing and uplifting and basically you need to read it. I am struck while I read it on the many adults who made a difference in his life growing up even though he was never adopted. I am even more struck that God has more in store for our family and what he would like us to do to love the orphan.

Have you had the chicken strip salad at Chick Fila, well you need to. Personally I'm not usually one to waste a good eating out by getting a salad, but this salad is better than anything else I've ever had there. It's the perfect combination of getting in several vegetables but still getting that great flavor of their chicken.

Did y'all watch the finale of Parenthood. Ok I know it was like a whole month ago, but I DVRed and watched it a couple of weeks ago, so good! I was going to eat a piece of cake while watching it, ultimate relaxation, but I cried the entire hour and couldn't eat my cake (don't you worry I ate it later). Please tell me you guys love this show, such good TV!

My friend I love but have never met, Elizabeth, told me to read Please Look after Mom by Kyung-sook Shin, and I always do what she says. It was awesome, loved getting to learn little bits about Korean culture and it was beautifully written. My only critique was I would have like more of it, I think (although I might have just been confused by the names) that there is a child that we never get to know and we could have gotten to know the father more as well.

Finally I would like to bring back dancing in the rain. I believe in it, as in if I had a I had a "rules to live by" it would contain, never pass up a chance to dance in the rain. You can have things like that on your rules when you live in Texas, in Seattle I'm thinking not so much.

Chloe's room

2011-05-18T15:21:00.001-05:00

The room before, this is the only picture I could find, the day we moved in.

This is a view of what would become Chloe's room from our other "true" loft

When we began house hunting a couple of years ago we did what any two uptight people would do, we made a list of what the house had to have, what would be a nice bonus, and what would make it unacceptable. Then we walked into our home and we broke all our rules, we bought a three bedroom, two and a half bath house with all the bedrooms upstairs, none of those things were supposed to happen (we were supposed to get more bedrooms and bathrooms out of a move). But this was the house that God gave us and I love everything about it, how it's old and every room is crying out to be made new (and we get to do that!), it has a ton of space although admittedly a lot of that space is tricky to make use of.

Someday our daughters will share a room but for now Chloe needed her own room, so we took this three bedroom house and made it four. Connected to our bedroom was a sitting room that was a loft, as in one of the walls was missing from it being a complete room. So Kyle framed out the wall we hired someone to put up the sheet rock, Kyle took over again and textured and painted the room.

I couldn't seem to get a could picture w/o the flash which messes up the colors some but we you get the gist.

The after: Chloe's room

One of the reasons that God placed me in this house was so I could meet my friend, K, she is a talented woman whom I adore, she is probably the only person I enjoy talking on the phone to, she always makes me happy with her calls of something she has to tell me real quick, she is always enthusiastic about life. Most importantly, K was one of the the biggest cheerleader in my life during Chloe's adoption and as soon as we found out it was a girl, she came over to show me the quilt she was making for my daughter.

It was like she had crawled inside my heart and discovered what I love, this quilt is so beautiful it includes my favorite colors and the patterns remind me of patterns I see on my grandmother's blankets and dishes. It reminds me of walking through a antique store and finding a treasure. I treasure this quilt and therefore I went against K's wishes and hung it up on the wall as the focal point of the room, I just had to design the room around it, Chloe can snuggle with it when she's older. K went on to make me a bumper for the crib, a crib skirt, and curtains. I cannot repay her for what she did for me, it's appropriate though that my daughter whom God gifted to me resides in a room filled with items gifted to me.

She's a graduate

2011-05-15T21:21:00.000-05:00

Kylynn had her pre-school graduation this week which made me think to the first time I got to wear elbow length gloves. At my pre-school graduation I wore knee-socks on my hands, really it's a true story. I really loved Miss Piggy, what does that say about me?, and I loved her elbow length gloves. I thought that my pre-school graduation was a fine enough event for me to need such gloves, but my mom disagreed. Never one to be deterred by a mother's no, I snuck some knee-socks in my backpack and apparently the teachers thought it was too funny to stop me. I wish I had the pictures here at my house but they're at my parent's, I can tell you that in those pictures it is clear that I fully believe that, 1. I look very good and 2. there's no difference between elbow length gloves and knee socks. There is not a hint of embarrassment on my face.

Pre-school graduations are at the same time silly and exciting. As a parent watching you catch yourself feeling sentimental over this school she'll never go to again, these friends she won't see anymore and then you snap out of it and realize, she's four and she doesn't know the difference. All the same I was glad for the chance to make her feel special, to remind her that it's a big deal to be starting kindergarten next year and to remember all she's learned this year.

I'm perhaps the only parent who actually watched the event, the rest of them spent the entire time viewing it through their camera lens and since that was Kyle's job, I figured I might as well enjoy what was before me at that moment. They began with a play, Kylynn played someone from the orient, which I thought was rather appropriate. They then sang us several songs, said a Bible verse, and of course "graduated."

The kids did such a great job, the play was done really well and the set and the costumes were amazing, way more than I was expecting. Afterwards we got to look through their scrapbooks and of course eat some cookies, which Kylynn told me before was what she was looking forward to the most, she's apparently not one for sentiment :).